No Matter What
Pairing: Nancy Wheeler x Fem!Reader
Warnings: Anxiety/depression thoughts and a brief panic attack
Summary: Maybe you were avoiding her because avoiding is easier than letting someone else in. But the truth is, you can’t spend your whole life avoiding. It’s exhausting living in fear.
Word Count: 1,831
A/N: Some hurt/comfort finally! No more tears! Well, this is sad but it gets better!
I do NOT give anyone permission to repost or translate any of my works on any platform.
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You and Nancy had been together for a couple years, but as of recently, you’ve been pulling away from her. You weren’t sure you wanted a life in Hawkins anymore, you wanted Nancy, of course you did. But you couldn’t stay in this town anymore, too many things had happened and you felt like you were suffocating. You felt like a burden to everyone around you so you did what you do best, push people away. You hated yourself for still doing that with Nancy, especially after all this time.
You were Nancy’s home, she’d go anywhere as long as it was with you. She knew you were acting different, she didn’t know what changed, but she knew there was something bothering you. She tried talking to you about it and you always answered her with an “I’m tired,” or “not right now.” She wanted to see you smile again, genuinely smile. She wanted you to say you were fine and actually mean it.
You had told Nancy you’d be working late tonight, although that wasn’t true. You hated lying to her, but you needed to be alone for a bit without her constantly worrying. You didn’t expect for her to show up at your work looking for you though. She was beyond concerned to find out that you weren’t there and you hadn’t told her anything.
She wanted to panic, but that’s not what Nancy does, she thinks rationally. She got in her car and thought about everything that happened these past couple of weeks. She knew where you were. She drove back to your shared apartment and ran up to the roof. She placed her hand on the door and before opening it, she took a deep breath to calm herself. You needed her and she needed you to be okay, she pushed her worry aside and stepped out into the cold night air.
You didn’t even hear the door, you were too busy wrapped up in your own head. Tears dried upon your cheeks and you were wishing you weren’t in Hawkins right now. You wanted Nancy to hold you, but at the same time, you didn’t want her to see you like this. To see you so broken.
“Y/n?” Nancy called out to you cautiously, not wanting to startle you. Your eyes went wide with realization as you sniffled and turned your head slightly to look at her.
“Love,” Nancy nearly whispered as she walked over with her arms open for you and you melted into her embrace. She was here, the person you needed and wanted finally had her arms around you. You cried even harder into her shoulder as she rubbed circles on your back.
“I’m sorry that I’m such a problem,” you whispered into her shoulder, quiet enough you weren’t sure she even heard you. She did though.
She pulled your head away from her shoulder so she could hold your face between her hands as she looked at you and said “You’re not a problem, Y/n. You’re a person.” She kissed your forehead and hugged you tight. The two of you stayed like that for a few minutes before you decided it was best to head inside as it was getting late and it was cold up on the roof.
You and Nancy walked hand in hand down the stairs to your apartment as you rested your head against her shoulder. You felt bad for pushing her away, even if she did understand, even if she wasn’t upset or disappointed. You wished you had just talked to her.
The two of you got ready for bed and just laid together. Nancy was mindlessly tracing random patterns on your arm, smiling at you. You stayed like that for a while before you spoke, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Nance. I’m just so tired of disappointing you.”
To say Nancy was confused would be an understatement. Why would you ever think you were disappointing her? You were the love of her life, her safe place, her home, her favourite person. You could never disappoint or hurt her, especially not like this. She knew you needed time to figure out all the messy things inside your head, she knew you’d come to her eventually. She was not upset with you in the slightest. She was worried about you, yes, but she wasn’t upset with you.
“I love you so much. There is nothing you could do to ever push me away. I’m with you, no matter what,” she tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear as she continued. “You haven’t hurt me or disappointed me, love. I know sometimes you need time to sort your head out before you come to me. You always come to me in the end, that’s what counts.”
You gave her a half smile and nodded as a tear slipped down your cheek. Nancy was quick to wipe it away, she leaned it and kissed you. Her lips were soft against yours as you melted into her. Your love for one another enveloped in a kiss, gentle and sweet. It was a promise,one to show that she loved you and you loved her.
Nancy pulled back to catch her breath and you could feel the soft tickle of her breath beneath your nose as she chuckled. You curled up against her and rested your head against her chest as you told her about everything that was going on. You told her how you just felt like everything you did was wrong, how you felt like a burden and you even told her how you didn’t want to stay in Hawkins anymore. Nancy hummed as you spoke so you would know she was listening, waiting until you were finished to respond. She played with your hair, a soothing gesture for the both of you.
“I just feel like we’ve got no reason to stay,” you said. She told you that you were what mattered, this town meant nothing to her if you weren’t here. She’d follow you anywhere and she made that clear every single day. The two of you decided to get some rest and talk about it in the morning. It wasn’t like you needed to leave Hawkins tonight, but you did want to leave sooner rather than later and Nancy understood that.
You fell asleep on Nancy’s chest as she continued to stroke your hair. She stayed up a little later than you, watching the rise and fall of your chest and listening to you breathe. You really did scare her back there, even if she wouldn’t admit it. She needed you to be okay, for the both of you. You helped her as much as she helped you. She was beyond grateful for you and she was so glad she had the privilege of even knowing you. She would be lost without you because ever since the two of you met, being alone was hard. She misses you too much when you aren’t around. She knew you knew all that, but she still would never miss the opportunity to tell you just how much you mean to her and how much you’ve changed her life for the better.
The two of you were soulmates, not because you were supposed to meet, but because when you did, you made each other better for it. You were the other half of each other. You both had never been enough for the people in your lives before you met each other and sometimes you still had those thoughts, but Nancy was always there to remind you that wasn’t true. She always told you how strong and beautiful you were, she loved how big your heart was. She made you feel important and you did the same for her. You were everything to each other.
Nancy listened to your breathing long enough, it lulled her to sleep. Sleep did not greet her with the kindness she hoped for though. She had a nightmare about you, about losing you. If she didn’t understand your worries about staying in Hawkins before, she sure as hell did now. She wanted nothing more than to keep you safe.
She shot up in bed, eyes wide and breathing heavily as she reached next to her searching for you. It did not help at all that you had just gotten up to get a glass of water a few minutes before. Nancy was about to have a full blown panic attack when she noticed the kitchen light on. She took a deep breath and made her way out of the bedroom, in search of you.
You heard Nancy approaching and you turned around with a smile, you noticed her panicked expression and how she was kind of zoned out right away and your smile quickly fell. You rushed over to her and cupped her cheeks, she placed her hand on your wrist. Her breathing was still laboured as she looked at you with tears in her eyes. You were quick to wipe them away, just like she so often did for you.
“Breathe with me, focus all of your attention on me,” you said gently. She did as you told her and hugged you tight once her breaths were even, she sobbed into your shoulder and told you about her nightmare. You placed her hand over your heart and told her you were okay, that you were still here and it was just a dream. She seemed to take great comfort in that, she always liked listening to your heartbeat. It was one of her favourite sounds, next to your laughter and your voice in general.
“We’re moving,” Nancy chuckled as she wiped another tear from her face. You smiled at her and agreed as you kissed her forehead and held her tight.
“I love you so much, Nance,” you grabbed her hand and pulled her back towards the bedroom, it was your turn to calm her to sleep and tell her how much she meant to you. You felt like you didn’t do that enough, like you were always the one who was upset. Nancy reassured you that wasn’t the case, you always helped her when she wasn’t feeling her best, even if you didn’t know it. Sometimes she just needed your presence and you were always there for her and you always would be.
The days won't stop; they will come for you. Just as easily as the moon lights up the night sky and the sun rises, the days will come. Nancy will always be there for you though. The two of you had a long road ahead of you, but nothing was impossible with Nancy by your side. You promised to always be honest with her and not run from your problems anymore. When you let people in, the demons shrink back, so you would allow Nancy to carry this sadness and worry with you until you’re stronger.
