DEUS IN ABSENTIA

[ ... ]　　　PRETTY　HATE　MACHINE.

[kunigutsu]

if the measure of humanity is having a heart, then he cannot be deemed as such. if one without a heart experiences joy and sorrow, then he shall be a puppet most alike to humanity. ꩜

a highly private and selective writing blog for RAIDEN FŪJIN, also known as genshin impact's KABUKIMONO / SCARAMOUCHE / WANDERER, as written and understood by alyssa ( twenty-seven, any pronouns, lesbian ) since 2023. minors and personals dni. affiliated with @annihilatian's ying and @pezeshk's dottore. single-ship with ying and non-duplicate friendly.

　slides. ꩜ pinterest. ꩜ soundtrack. ꩜ prompts.

[cherryys]

(in the voice of a guy that will defy fate to save you) i don't care

[majunju]

it’s been a long time 🥲

[kunigutsu]

trying to find a way to fit the fact that scara's puppet markings and eyes glow white when he cums into my otherwise very analytical and focused anatomy meta :D

[kunigutsu]

❛ i'm waiting for your permission to let me have my way with you. ❜

@annihilatian

fūjin laughs, easy and light, into soft, golden curls, cheek pressed to the top of her head. it wasn't as if he couldn't tell. rough hands had long since begun to wander over the fabric of his bodysuit, fingers absentmindedly tracing over dull markings as she pressed herself to his slender form. even her heartbeat betrayed her, thrumming against him where her chest met his. the way it reverberated, it almost felt like his own.

the days of slow, exploratory trial and error touches were behind them, but they weren't yet in the clear, if such a state were possible. so often he wavered between desire and disgust — never with her, but with the weight of all he had yet to recover from, all he had yet to understand. his memories had come back all at once, with no time to process. a moment passed and it was all there, overwhelming even his own mechanical sense of computation. there was simply too much data to sort through. he had no choice but to handle it as it arose, constantly subject to whatever memory happed to drift to the forefront of his mind as he moved through the world.

it stood to reason that such intimacy would be particularly dangerous territory. his only experience with that level of closeness existed under harsh, fluorescent lights, in a cold, unforgiving laboratory. they had tried to manage their conditions, their environment, keep it warm and soft and nothing like that room, but it wasn't always enough. he hated that it wasn't always enough.

she was patient, understanding, more so than he thought he deserved. she never rushed, despite her own desire. there was no pressure, no demand, no possible implication that his reluctance would result in her disappointment. she existed as the only person to ask nothing of him and, as a result, he wanted to give her everything he had. so, he tries, safe in the knowledge that he would not be abandoned for failing.

❝ yeah? ❞ his hand comes to press against her cheek, shifting away only to allow her the space to move as he urges her face towards his own. the kiss he gives her is gentle — an act of gratitude rather than a precursor of what was to come. after all, she had stated her intentions plainly. who was he to steal her opportunity to set the scene? he smiles, soft, against her lips. ❝ i'm all yours. ❞

[kunigutsu]

subtle dash icon change for pride ehe <3

[kunigutsu]

let's all think about how good my scara faceclaim is. nakayama satsuki you will always be famous

[kunigutsu]

do you want my help?

the voice surprises and unnerves, the cadence and tone so different from any other voice upon tatarasuna. the kabukimono flinches, the movement just a tad too inhuman, too rigid — something snapping into place too harshly to be the easy bend of joint and muscle. his eyes shift between escher and the paper beneath his splayed hands, stuck in stasis despite the frantic pace of his thoughts, near-static and overwhelming, struggling to remember how he was supposed to act, how katsuragi had taught him.

❝ ah? oh... no, it's okay! ❞ things finally begin to fall into place within his mind and his hands slowly drift away from the paper, ink smudged where niwa's handwriting had still been fresh. he had been teaching the puppet to read, just then leaving him alone at the edge of the camp with a hastily made worksheet as he worked at the forge.

he places his hands in his lap, palms up to avoid staining the light silk of his suikan. his fingers tug at the fabric covering his wrists, making sure it remained in place. the unnatural, doll-like joints of his wrists hadn't faded like his fingers had. he smiles nervously up at the mechanic, before frantically looking around for katsuragi, niwa, or nagamasa — any familiar face. ❝ are you looking for niwa? ❞

[pezeshk]

eyes are the mirror of the soul,  but even that can be obscured with practice.  for a moment,  the doctor struggles to discern his reaction.  some subjects are easier than others—  humans are inherently emotional creatures,  even those who live their lives in miserable apathy and indifference.  this puppet is not human,  yet he bears so many signs of humanity reminiscent of his own.  though he busies himself with cleaning his materials,  his gaze cuts a new wound in the other,  scrutinizing,  curious.  the gentleness in his low voice tells him all he needs to know.

❛❛    why the sudden curiosity?  are you concerned?     ❜❜     he asks in turn,  the sound teetering into subdued amusement.  his gloves are taken off,  tossed away.  the bowl of water he keeps nearby is comparatively warm to his constantly cold hands;  the soap he uses,  relieving.  rinse,  scrub,  dry your hands.  the towel is tossed aside and the doctor steps closer to the bedside,  one scarred hand offered for him to take while he assists him in sitting up,  slowly lest he rip the stitches. 

❛❛    you and i—  we are different. biologically,  at least,  though i’m sure you’ve known that already.  you’re…  durable,  for lack of a better term.  strong.  able to do things that i can’t.     ❜❜     something twists in his chest,  dreadful and dejected as he studies the thin suture running along his sternum.  a scar like that would stay on his weaker flesh for decades,  but not on him.  oh,  how envious he feels. ❛❛    but that doesn’t make me powerless...  or useless.  your creator may’ve cast you down,  but i can improve upon her work.  i can improve upon you.     ❜❜    the doctor looks him in the eyes,  his voice steadier than ever.    ❛❛    with time,  perhaps i could turn you into a god.     ❜❜

[kunigutsu]

he watches him as he works, eyes shifting mechanically over every movement, every twitch of his expression, trying to discern something he doesn't yet know how to spot. he had spent so long trying to learn the intricacies of human behavior, but his goal had always been mere imitation. he knew what humans looked like, how they moved, how they breathed, but he didn't know what it meant. in the wake of all that had happened in tatarasuna, he had insisted to himself that it no longer mattered, that humans could not be trusted, could not be understood — but that sick, off-putting familiarity always made the doctor an outlier.

the doctor asks him if he's concerned and the puppet bristles, brow furrowing in childlike petulance. he snaps a ❝ no! ❞ that seems to go unnoticed as the doctor moves around him, engulfed by his own sly demeanor. the puppet retreats into himself, just a little, the scowl staying until the hand is offered. he no longer stares at it as he used to, but still hesitates before he takes it. it's always colder than his own, the machinery beneath his synthetic flesh in an endless whir that warms him enough to feel convincingly human, if one isn't paying very close attention. it only served to add to the strangeness. it feels nothing like the rough, calloused hands of the bladesmiths, nor the small, too-warm hand of the child. he quickly drops it as soon as he is seated, refuses to let himself linger there.

posture relaxes as the doctor speaks, softening despite himself, unable to help but feeling something akin to happiness at his own reported worth, that the doctor should find such value in him — that he could become a god. his face hardens in determination as he returns the doctor's gaze. the idea of usurpation excites, and he alone could make that possible, of that the puppet was becoming increasingly sure. he pauses.

❝ they want me to go on an expedition. to the abyss. ❞ there's a tinge of anxiety to his voice. he glances at the doctor expectantly, curiously, poorly attempting to feign nonchalance through his typical imitation. he knows there is no denying the jester nor the tsaritsa, but he cannot help feeling that he needs the doctor's blessing, his assurance that this, too, would further their cause.

[kindrehd]

happy pride!!

[kunigutsu]

hopefully i can work on re-making my anatomy meta later on today, because that will basically be my trans hc post tbh. scaramouche genshinimpact you are the most transgender chara to ever exist <3

[adrifteons]

FALSETTOS. sentences taken from the broadway musical. part two: falsettoland.

let's begin.

this story needs an ending.

lovers come and lovers go.

give these handsome boys a hand.

what a world we live in.

pretty boys are in demand.

it's about time, don't you think?

it's about time to grow up, don't you think?

it's about time to grow up and face the music.

i'll try explaining just what you've missed.

i don't have a lover anymore.

oh my god. when am i gonna get over this?

one day i'd like to be as mature as my son.

it's about growing up, getting older, living on a lover's shoulder.

are you packed and waiting?

since this is the last loving thing we'll probably ever do together, let's act adult and not go crazy.

religion's just a trap that ensnares the weak and the dumb.

hey, stop with the prayers.

i know more than you do!

we're more excited than we should be.

i'll bring women from the wrong side of the tracks.

isn't he an asshole?

we'll have one perfect time! we'll spend billions of dollars!

they're more excited than they should be.

i don't want the girls i should want.

i hate baseball, i really do.

we really wish he'd take this more seriously.

what is he doing here?

what are you doing here?

____ asked me to come. since he asked me to come, i came.

that's what i'm talking about. that's how it's supposed to look.

just remember he's psychotic.

he looks damn good, but he's cheap as dirt.

even maniacs can charm, which he does, so beware.

do you think there's any hope for the kid?

how could i know without him my life would be boring as shit?

please, god, don't let me make the same mistake.

would it be possible to see you or to kiss you or to give you a call?

i've been left behind.

now the world is too pathetic and i don't get it at all.

now that i got the promotion, can i finally stop sleeping with my boss?

i once thought it was sweet, but i don't anymore.

if i don't like ____, it's because my ex sure does.

i don't get it. why can't you let go?

isn't it enough i want you every night?

everything will be alright.

for the first time in months, nobody died!

do you know how great my life is?

where's the heat? where's the fire?

do you know? all i want is you.

god, you're a pain in the ass.

everybody's yelling and everybody's ruining it.

everyone hates his parents. don't be ashamed.

you'll grow up. you'll come through.

you grow up, you get old, you hate less.

nothing that gives them pleasure i'll do.

you are gonna kill your mother.

don't feel guilty, kill your mother.

rather than humiliate her, killing your mother is the merciful thing to do.

i'm right here and at your service.

go ahead and kill your mother.

everyone hates his parents. now i see why!

push turns to shove, what was hate becomes more or less love.

i'll stay calm, untie my tongue, and try to stay both kind and young.

we laugh, we fumble, we take it day by day. what more can i say?

i make a big stink when i must, but goddamn, i'm a professional.

if i'm a bitch, well, i am what i am!

i don't like to talk when i'm losing the game.

we see a trend, but the trend has no name.

something bad is happening. something very bad is happening.

something bad is spreading 'round.

tell me how it tastes. tell me if it's good.

tell me, dear, if you'd like seconds.

go ahead and wound my pride.

you're feeling very sick inside.

so, you've had a bad day. i don't know what to say.

look what's become of my doctor.

i'm heartsick. you're unhappy.

you always see the glass half full... i'm nervous.

this is fucking ridiculous!

please forgive me for winning one game.

something's gone out of whack.

be a jerk, my sweet bruiser.

try to be a decent loser! at least you could give me that.

anything you do is alright.

i'm trying to keep sane as the rules keep changing.

life is never what you planned.

life is moments you can't understand.

i hold to the ground as the ground keeps shifting.

you're looking very good today.

today you seem to be on the way to recovery.

it's days like this i almost believe in god.

go ahead, be good and pissed.

gee, you look awful.

i think you need to play some chess.

i have to know and i have to know now just what it is you want.

here's your chance to give me hell.

we can't be sure when he'll get better... when, or if, he'll ever get better.

what we'll do is your decision.

there's no right and there's no wrong. just say yes or no and we promise to go along.

why don't you make this dumb decision yourselves?

now what do we do?

why don't we tell him that we don't have the answers?

life can be grim.

things happen for no damned good reason.

his lack of control kills what's best in his soul.

this is the start to his becoming a man.

who'd believe that we two would end up as lovers?

please don't get morbid.

it's just that i haven't died yet. i'm sick, but kicking.

i'm staying here in this spot whether you want me to or not. i'm staying.

here i am, by your side, one old horny lover.

please, go home and don't be scared.

i'm not scared. what good is a lover who's scared?

hit me if you need to.

slap my face or hold me 'til winter.

i can't help but feeling i've failed.

let's be scared together. let's pretend that nothing is awful.

there's nothing to fear. just stay right here.

we don't know what time will bring.

i love bad weather.

i don't think we've ever really spoken.

if you'd kindly allow, how about a miracle now?

can you make things not happen?

could you please make my friend stop dying?

i am not naive. it won't be easy.

tell me why was i chosen, why me of all men?

at least death means i'll never be scared about dying again.

let's get on with living while we can and not play dumb.

you gotta die sometime.

death is not a friend, but i hope in the end he takes me in his arms and lets me hold his face.

people always hate a loser and they hate lame ducks.

can i keep my cool despite the urge to fall apart?

how should i start?

i would cry if i could, but it does no damn good.

the many stupid things i thought about with dread now delight.

give me the balls to orchestrate a graceful leave.

it's the last little mountain i'll climb.

everything will soon be great.

i feel more helpless than i have in years.

how did you turn out so great?

do you know how proud i am?

what would i do if i had not met you? who would i blame my life on?

once i was told that all men get what they deserve. who the hell then threw this curve?

there are no answers, but who would i be if you had not been my friend?

when i'm having fun, you're the one i wanna talk to.

where have you been? where are you now?

who would i be if i had not loved you? how would i know what love is?

god only knows, too soon i'll remember your faults.

i'd do it again. i'd like to believe that i'd do it again.

how am i to face tomorrow after being screwed out of today?

i'd beg or steal or borrow if i could hold you for one hour more.

this is where we take a stand.

[kunigutsu]

of course i have a scaramouche themed bed. i'm mentally ill.

[kunigutsu]

need 2 write scaralumi scissoring. send tweet

[classichorrorblog]

Re-Animator (1985)

[pezeshk]

@kunigutsu

[64mpg]

actually i’ve done a lot of work on myself since we last spoke and i wanted to tell you to go fuck yourself and that i hope you die

[coefficience]

8 for sclm 😌

[ 8 ] our muses reunite after having been apart for an extended length of time which leads to sex, clothes everywhere, barely making it to the bed or not at all.

PROMPT | WANDERER,

he has never been able to bring himself to resent her for her journey. he knows it too well, even deeper now than he had before, with an additional five hundred years of searching as a wanderer looking for purpose, a shugenja looking for enlightenment. he knows determination, knows what it is like to walk the world over, looking for that thing that will make you whole, that will grant you answers. he could never ask her to stay, not really, despite how he aches for it. this fact, of course, did not take away from the relief when she returned to him, when she retread that road back to sumeru despite already possessing all the answers that land could give her.

distance does not make the heart grow fonder — he would want her just as much no matter where she stayed, but perhaps it grew hungrier, a little more ravenous after being left starved for so long.

she'd written of her intentions before she had come and, as such, his focus had waned significantly the past few days as he anticipated her arrival. devi kusanali did not need to ask, only regarding him with that knowing smile that made him scowl, but sethos had been less aware and therefore much, much more irritating. he'd come to know fūjin's habits a little too well, had found him easily where he lingered at the akademiya's edges, his view of the port clear. sethos's probing falls on entirely deaf ears as a flash of gold at the edge of the port has him taking off.

it's not as if he whisks her off immediately. he's smarter than that, knows her little companion too well. he trails close behind, flitting around trees and buildings until he sees them approach someone. nilou, it seems. he doesn't bother stopping to ask if she's down for impromptu babysitting, swinging down fast and grabbing ying tight around the waist before taking off again.

" h - hey! wait! " paimon's voice wails after them, but nilou is quick to connect the dots and intervene. he distantly hears her " oh, it's just hat guy, paimon. i'm sure he missed her, " as he heads for the top of the sanctuary. he furrows his brow a little, that ever - constant discomfort creeping in. being seen wanting was humiliating, but never enough to stop, especially not when it came to ying. it wasn't as if nilou was wrong. he had missed her.

he sets her down atop the sanctuary of surasthana, deep within the treetops and far from the city's view, the one place only he could reach. he presses her hard to moss-covered stone, mouth slotted eagerly and clumsily against hers as his hand goes for her hip, pulling her closer, close as he can get her. he kisses her until a hand on his chest reminds him to pull away, to let her breathe for a second. he always forgets about that. her voice is rough, as intoxicating as ever. easy. i missed you, too.

a small, pathetic noise of want and frustration manages to sneak its way out of him as lips move to her neck, too impatient to let her catch her breath without his touch. he is not one to rush. intimacy was hard for him. he liked to take his time, to tuck away in the privacy of her realm and savor, but he cannot think of that now, can't think of anything other than the overwhelming feeling of having her beneath his hands again. he wants to feel her now.

the feeling of ying's hand at his jaw is all it takes to urge him back up, back into that crushing, hungry kiss. one hand keeps her pinned against the stone as the other palms at her over her trousers, taking the way she chases after the touch when he pauses as his permission to slide the hand up and back down beneath the fabric. it doesn't take too much probing to feel how wet she is. he pulls away from her lips, takes in the state of her, chest heaving under lack of oxygen and skin already flushed.

" missed me that much, huh? anticipated this, did y— " he's cut off by her open mouth, a solid arm wrapping around his neck and pulling him back down to her. a good enough answer.

the movement of his hand is not at all precise, a harsh palm dragging hard against her. there's no pretense to be had that this is anything more than desperation, an insatiability to be kept at bay, if just for the moment. they'll have their moment to indulge later. he feels unbelievably animal and alive in his desire, in his impatience, all logic and thought thrown away once more in his need for her. she brought that out of him so easily.

his fingers curl inside her, his other hand clamping over her mouth. he doubts anyone would be able to hear them up here, but it didn't hurt to be cautious. he's sure he raised enough eyebrows speeding up there with her. he pulls her scarf out of the way, nipping and sucking at the flesh at the base of her throat. she bites hard into his hand as she comes and he grins wide, presses her harder against the moss to keep her upright. " so quick... you really did miss me. " he removes his hand from her mouth, the kiss he gives her in its place soft, lingering. " yeah, i guess i missed you too. "