The tricky thing about motivation when you’ve got my particular cocktail, (ADHD, autism, and some childhood trauma I’ve mostly worked through but never fully escaped), is that tasks have a random cost. And you never really know what that cost will be until you’re standing in front of it.
I’ll tell my girlfriend I’m going to do a chore. I mean it completely. By all logic, I should be able to do this thing. It’s not complicated. I’ve done it before. But when the moment actually arrives, the motivation just… evaporates. She’s patient about it, which I don’t take for granted.
The worst is when a task changes mid-stream or something throws off my preparation. All that mental scaffolding I built? Useless now. And I have to start over, except now I’m also upset about starting over and having to really build up that motivation again.
My relationship with time is basically theoretical without external support. Timers, reminders, calendar events. I live and die by them. Without those anchors, hours just… happen to me.
I’ve learned to hack myself where I can. Sweeping, vacuuming, mopping for instance, I’ve somehow turned those into something almost enjoyable. But walking the dog? Taking trash to the dumpster? Going outside to grab something from the car? Those I have to force. Unless I’m in a depressive episode, in which case I’ve learned to ask for help instead of letting things pile up.
The Vyvanse helps. It’s like borrowing executive function from my future self until the clock runs out. But even medicated, really emotional conversations can wipe me out completely.
What actually works in my favor is my black-and-white thinking. I can logic myself into action: “If I do this now, I avoid worse problems later. I’m just trying to avoid future strife. This is strife prevention.” Sometimes that’s enough to get moving.
And I’ve learned the reward trick, give myself something to look forward to, but absolutely refuse to let myself have it until the task is actually done. Not almost done. Done.
Starting is the hardest part. But if I can get momentum, I can usually ride it until I’m genuinely tired.
It’s not about discipline. It’s about knowing how my brain actually works and setting myself up accordingly.
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