Not found.

i know that i can fight or i can let the lion win —— i begin to assemble what weapons i can find because sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind

[kvngmin]

fckjinhee:

SHE TREMBLED VIOLENTLY as she gripped his arm tightly, looking behind her every few seconds as she worried that her assailant would grab her at any moment. her breath was rapid and heavy, yet she still felt like she couldn’t breathe and she would run out of air at any moment. she touched her neck and flinched as she could feel the imprints of his fingers on her skin before she looked at the stranger and shook her head quickly. “no no no, i- th-they just grabbed me but i got away and i’m just really scared..”

          HE HAD NO EXPERIENCE within this area — usually, at least before PRISON, he had always been the one to panic and never the one to offer comfort. more so, he had always been a coward and one to r u n when the situation got hard. but he was still DECENT, contrary to popular belief, and he couldn’t just leave the woman to her own devices. «it’s okay. you’re okay. where do you live?»

[kvngmin]

ofcnara:

“It’s just a few blocks.” Nara points down a street in the direction she knew it was.  It wasn’t far and they would take it to go. She didn’t want him uncomfortable if they stayed. People liked to stare when Nara was in public because of her subscriber count on youtube but they liked to stare even more when she was out with him. She didn’t like it and she was sure he wouldn’t like it even      more.  Nara dug in her purse and pulled out some face wipes, “Here… clean up a bit, hmm?”  She held some out to him, with a slight smile on her face. “Should we get a mixture of it? Boneless, with bones? Hmm, mild, medium, plain? I’m Starving - I think I could eat it all.”

          HE HAD NEVER BEEN much of a talker, so it was somewhat comfortable to listen to nara’s chatter. it made him feel less like a burden to her than he probably was, and surprisingly enough it seemed adequate to lift his mood if even just SLIGHTLY. he let out another g e n u i n e chuckle as he deliberately followed his petite cousin, smiling gently. «then we should get it all,» he agreed — if it was one thing he had been given a generous amount of, it was money, after all.

[kvngmin]

ofcnara:

The agreement to go get food had the younger girl up and on to her feet in a quick few seconds. Happy to eat and happy to leave the outside of the bar. Nara drank often enough whenever she was relieved of her mummy duties for a few hours and bars were a place she frequented often, but that night she was happy to leave mostly because she almost feared the guy Kangmin had hit would have friends behind him, ready to come out looking for him. “Yes!” She exclaimed excitedly, tugging on his arm to get him up too,  “Let’s go to Yejin’s favourite place- that way I can bring her some home.”

          THOUGH HE DOUBTED HE’D BE VERY WELCOME anywhere looking the way he did, nara seemed much too happy for him to point out that it was a poor idea. he simply offered her the best smile he could muster despite not particularly enjoying being in such a public place. she was really the only family he had left — he wasn't ready to lose her too. «yeah, let's do that,» he agreed a bit more sincerely once nara mentioned yejin ( possibly the only person to whom kangmin still appeared somewhat pure ). «is it far away?»

[kvngmin]

sevkmin:

               SEOKMIN NODDED at the thanks of the male, his questioning tone and expression making him wonder if he had done something wrong. as the hooded man continued to gaze at him, seokmin wondered if he looked weird, did something, or if he was just confused from his previous gazing at him. however, he couldn’t help but to think that he knew this guy.  the few moments in between felt like forever, and seokmin felt incredibly anxious until the other man said his name. he lightly chuckled, not really knowing how to correctly reply, as he pointed to his hospital identification badge, “ yeah that’s me! “ the brunette was incredibly awkward, still not knowing who the other one was, and judging by his dark appearance, not knowing if he really wanted whoever this was to know where he worked. wanting to get a closer look, he nervously reached over and pulled off the other’s hood, examining his facial features with careful concentration, digging into his mind for who this could possibly be. after a few moments of deep examination, the name hit his brain. (kangmin.) he hadn’t thought much about the male after their childhood friendship (he still cant believe kangmin left for the group he did), until the news about him came around. taking a deep breath, seokmin stood up straight, looking over, “ y-your coffee’s ready dude. “ the nurse wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk to him. maybe it was petty to be mad about something that happened years ago, but kangmin also happened to seem quite uninviting. maybe if he didn’t show that he knew the other, he’d just leave. 

          HIS PAST HURT HIM, but kangmin knew he wasn’t the only one he had managed to hurt or leave behind. he thought it had been necessary back then, to protect himself and those he cared about — he couldn’t take the threats left in his lockers every day, or being pushed to the ground on his way home. the bruises from being slammed against walls were getting harder to explain to his parents, along with the shoes that had disappeared, the lunch money he consistently lost, and his dirty clothes he arrived home in every day. he thought it to be a good plan back then. at least they STOPPED bothering him the second he had joined them — though he had never been much part of them at all. kangmin had barely spoken a word, never even lifted a hand, and it was o k a y for a while. he thought he was safe, he felt mentally less damaged: and now there was nothing but bitterness left when he thought about it. kangmin supposed he deserved it after pushing his friends away and becoming merely a ghost in his own life — maybe prison had been a WAKE UP CALL for him, a desperate cry for him to take c o n t r o l of his own life again. he was trying, but it was hard when the past stared you dead in the face. what was he supposed to say? sorry? it was too late for that, he knew, and he had plenty of apologies to give. instead he simply let the other remove his hoodie — and it was as if the ex-convict could sense the disappointment in the other’s eyes as he recognized his former friend. FORMER. «oh! yeah, sorry,» he replied awkwardly instead as he reached for his coffee and stepped aside in the line. «i just .. yeah. sorry.»

[kvngmin]

fckjinhee:

ADRENALINE COURSED THROUGH the young woman’s veins as she ran as fast as she could, panting harshly and feeling like her lungs were going to burst at any moment. the assailant was long gone, her running having scared them off, but in her mind, they were right behind her and she was absolutely terrified. top torn and visible finger marks around her neck, jinhee finally gets out of the woods and runs across the street, ignoring the horns blaring and only stopping when she crashed into someone on the sidewalk. she grabbed onto them quickly, desperate for anyone to help her. “help me! someone just tried to kill me…”

          HE FLINCHED VIOLENTLY WHEN the young woman grabbed onto him — it was out of reflex more than anything else. he knew half the town still hated him: he didn’t walk safely down the streets anymore because of it. but it soon became evident that he wasn’t the reason for the girl’s harsh grip around his arm. «w-what?» he STUTTERED, pulling her to the side of the sidewalk. he couldn’t be involved in another case so shortly after being released, but he couldn’t just leave the girl — he owed her. he owed everyone. «hey, look at me. are you okay? where’s the — are you s a f e?»

[kvngmin]

to past me,

you’re a good kid, min. i always loved that about you — you have a kind heart, but your downfall is that you think everyone has the same heart as you. you think everyone has as clean and good motives as you, and if you don’t accept the fact that people are capable of being terrible it will ruin your LIFE. i’m begging you to start standing up for yourself and stop letting yourself be pushed around — you’re b e t t e r than that. you deserve better than that, and so do your parents, so do your friends. i know you’re scared: hell, it’s been years and i’m still TERRIFIED. we still have nightmares, you and i, though vastly different. there’s no monster under your bed anymore, min. it’s made a home of your mind instead and it’s your own fault. the worst part is that you know you’re better, you know you’re smarter, but you’ve always been a COWARD. i’m begging you to not ruin your life. because you will. and it’s gonna cost you everything.

to future me,

did you ever relearn how to let someone in? or do your hands still scorch all they touch, turning beauty to ashes? i think it’s alright if you’ve given up by now — i think you DESERVE a rest. no one else is rooting for you anyway. i’m not going to tell you to fight anymore when i know you don’t w a n t to. it’s okay. you did okay.

to mom & dad,

i know i disappointed you ( trust me, i disappointed me too ). i know you had plans for me ( trust me, i wanted nothing more than for you to be PROUD of me ). i know i messed it up, and i know you can’t forgive me for getting myself into the situation i am in today. i know i threw my life away, but i’ve really been TRYING. i just don’t know what to do. i need help. i get that you lost faith in me a long time ago, but won’t you lend your only child a hand? i can still make you proud. i promise i can still be your son. please don’t give up on me.

[kvngmin]

jaehwan95:

“So it is you!” His smile became even wider at the realization that it indeed was his old friend. “And you remember me!” He walked closer to the other so that talking would be easier. “How are you? It’s been so long.. How long has it even been? It feels like forever ago! And now you are here, at my grocery store! Do you live near here?” he let out an embarrassed laugh as he realized his excitement made him talk too fast, leaving Kangmin no room to reply. “I’m sorry.. I’m talking to much”

         HE FOUND HIMSELF UNSURE how to react — he wasn’t used to people being excited to see him. it was really the last response he ever got these days. kangmin couldn’t help but smile at the other’s enthusiasm, finding COMFORT in the other’s easy grin. it reminded him of a simpler time. he chuckled as he tried to find out how to respond. «uh, i’m .. i’m fine,» he lied easily and laughed lightly. «i live a few blocks from here, actually. been around for a few months, but didn’t know this was your grocery store, sorry for intruding,» he joked.

[kvngmin]

sxraii:

“Didn’’t need your permission, Kangmin.” Something tugs at her heart as she’s filled with memories, hazy playgrounds and games of tags. Life seemed much simpler than it was now, much happier, but even looking back at seemingly idyllic times; sora  saw the darkness, the shades of grey creeping in the background. “You watched, you witnessed & you stood SILENT, not just to my friend…but to the countless other innocent people your ‘friends’ hurt.” The words feel rough against her throat as she chokes, shaking her head and kicking a nearby stone. It killed her to see him so free; out of prison and living his life while her friend was buried six feet under. “So you’re finally free and you end up bloody and bruised in a place like this? Pathetic.” 

          THE WORDS FELT LIKE DAGGERS against his chest — he KNEW of course, that he had been a coward, that he had been at fault too. but he was no murderer and he never would be, and it pained him that people were SCARED of him now. he just missed having simple eye contact with someone — he just missed not feeling like a ghost. «what do you want me to say, sora?» he snapped as he looked up at her. «you think i would’ve let them KILL someone if i had been there?» he took a step back, hands clenched into fists — now wasn’t the time to lose his temper. «but i wasn’t. none of us were. if cussing me out makes you feel better, then by all means — but it’s not gonna change anything.»

[kvngmin]

ofcnara:

“Not particularly.” A shrug, though her voice was light. He’d changed, but it was understandable. If she were put behind bars and given a death sentence for something she hadn’t done it would change her too.  It made her angry- the entire situation.  Why couldn’t people do their jobs better? Why couldn’t an investigation be investigated deeper and more thoroughly? It made her wonder just how many other innocent people were servicing time for some other persons crime.  “It’s better than sitting out here.” She pursed her lips, “Unless you want to go back in there and hit another person.” She looked at him, soft yet teasing smile on her face.

          HE ADMIRED HER HOPE and her persistence in seeing the best in him when no one else wanted to. it had been hard, he had to admit that himself — the evidence had been convincing even to him who knew b e t t e r, and his words had fallen on deaf ears. it was what it was now: no one could change the past. it didn’t make the FUTURE any easier though. he was grateful for nara’s support, one he didn’t really deserve in all honesty. «fine. let’s go get chicken,» he responded, attempted a careful smile.

[kvngmin]

gavoons:

although her life in san diego had been everything but easy, she hated it - she hated her mother and she hated the p r e s s u r e she felt so constantly, but starting over in seoul hadn’t been any easier, and she had been FOOLISH to think so. it wasn’t until she stepped foot in south korea that she realized just how limited her life experience was - she had never been on her own, she had never even been out of america and the r e a l i z a t i o n of being alone scared her half to death. gayoon had started writing about her struggles to the only person who seemed to be willing to listen, he’d been all over the news and now all of the sudden he was sitting right in front of her, and he had no idea who she was. ‘ for some reason i b e l i e v e you when you say that. ’

          HADN’T HIS BLOOD been swimming in alcohol he might’ve felt ashamed. had anyone told him five years ago this is where he’d be — bloodied shirt, bruised knuckles, cigarette between his lips ( everything he had despised through his entire childhood ) — not a s i n g l e part of him would’ve believed it. prison had been TOUGH yes, but he had been even tougher on himself. why wouldn’t he ever let himself heal? after all this time he was not even sure he could. his gaze wavered and he looked away, as if the girl in front of him DESERVED to look at something better, and not a stranger with a black eye. he looked up at her again, a bit reluctantly. «you shouldn’t .. be out here, alone,» he commented sheepishly.

[kvngmin]

sejvuns:

HIS BREATH HITCHED at the familiar voice, all too eerie and c l o s e as sejun dangles his own cigarette loosely between his own pinked lips, halting his steps merely a few feet away from the crouched male while eyes BORE into the back of the male’s head with the thrumming of his heart beating too loudly in his ears. he had heard that the other had recently gotten out of the jail –– that the label of a mistake had impacted his father’s law firm too r o u g h l y after word had gotten out that jung kangmin is INNOCENT and it was all his father’s fault. sejun should be frustrated, angry at the world because this wasn’t what law was; this was his father’s mistake and sejun had absolutely no power to stop this mistake from happening. ( especially when it concerned the male that his teenage heart had longed for for many, many years. ) hesitant fingers bring a lighter towards the cancerous stick, flicking the item on until his cigarette burnt ember as eyes tore away to stare into the darkened night. “ funny, ” sejun murmurs as he inhales a h e a v y influx of smoke that BURNS his lungs to the core –– almost like he was punishing himself for everything that caused the rift between them two. “ you should become a fuckin’ comedian. ”

          BITTERNESS WAS A COLOR KANGMIN WORE rather rarely. there had been a time where he had been in the DENIAL about the way his life was turning out — he had found ways to blame others for what was essentially his own f a u l t. after all, his life was the consequences of poor choices. still, he kept a GRUDGE; he thought it was appropriate when sejun’s father had ruined his life. to think that he once had been close with both sunyoung and sejun, fallen in love with one even .. it was LAUGHABLE now. he looked into sejun’s familiar gaze, eyes that would’ve once scorched his heart from longing alone, and now all it did was awake something u g l y buried deep within the man. it took all kangmin had in him to not let his former best friend feel his bruised knuckle against his cheek. the last place he wanted to return to was prison. «good suggestion,» kangmin replied dryly as he got up on his feet to face the other — HATED feeling as if he was below him when it had all been his father’s fault to begin with. «maybe i’ll use your FATHER as the punch line.»

[kvngmin]

yeongthegiant:

When the man who approached alerted him about the money his case and he looked down into it. “Oh, I guess everyone else thought I was,” he said, then closing the lid of the case. “I’m just writing some music,” Deryl said, picking up the pad and pencil by his other side. “I guess everyone ignored it and saw the open case instead.”

          KANGMIN RAISED AN EYEBROW, but didn’t argue with the other male. he was apparently not the first one to assume the other to need the money more than he did anyway, and now he was left with the won in his hand as he awkwardly looked at the other. «so, uh. you sure you don’t want this?»

[kvngmin]

jevki:

THE MELODY REVERBERATED, soft hums of music bouncing of the walls of jeaki’s abode, whilst the boy himself painted — splatters of galaxy colours staining the once white canvas — his plans of the day transforming into something that felt a little more worthwhile ( a much better alternative to sitting in silence, at least ). he felt almost proud of himself, for getting himself out of bed ( he’d been having a good few days, surprisingly, following his return ) and, even,  s h o w e r i n g ( though, it held little purpose now his pale skin was stained with pigment patches of purple and blues ). his frame jolted slightly, hearing the knock  h u m  through his door ( he hadn’t been expecting anyone ), before it  d r a g g e d  itself up — reaching the door and plastering a soft smile across features, as he drew it open. ‘ kangmin? ’ he burst, surprise drowning features, ‘ hey, what are you — ’ though, words cut off at the sight of cherished books, ‘ kangmin, they were gifts, you didn’t have to bring them back? ’ he backed himself up, as words were spoken, offering for the other to enter jeaki’s home. 

          EXPRESSING HIMSELF HAD NEVER BEEN one of kangmin's strong suit, not even when he had been younger. he had always been a bit of a pushover, still was at h e a r t, and anything and everything made him feel like a burden. it was the reason he kept every feeling so CONCEALED — even gratitude. he had never truly learned how to do that ( that being opening up ) and so he merely mustered a weak smile at jeaki. «i just ..» didn't feel worthy. «they'll probably be more used here with you,» he admitted. he appreciated the thought, and he had spent hours reading through them when there didn't seem to be much else to do, but the thinking of how enormous the universe was and how small, not to mention insignificant, he was only saddened him more. he hesitated before stepping into the other's apartment and cast a glance around carefully. «nice place.»

[kvngmin]

jaehwan95:

@kvngmin

As he went back around the grocery store a third time be cursed at himself inside his head. Why did he never bother to write a proper shopping list beforehand? Instead he had to go back and forth as he remembered needing to buy things he already passed inside the store. He let out a big tired sigh as he searched for the right aisle. However as he finally found the flour he thought he glimpsed a familiar face. He stopped in his movement as he was reaching out for the flour and instead tried to match the face he just saw with one in his memory. “Kangmin” he mumbled to himself before quickly turning around and walking out after the other, completely forgetting about the flour. “Kangnim” he called out as he approached the other with a big smile. If it’s not him, I’ll die right here he thought.

          HE HAD NEVER LIKED wearing caps before he got out of jail. now it was a defense mechanism, as if it would make him more anonymous somehow. grocery shopping was seldom a big deal anyway — people tended to be much too preoccupied with their tasks at hand to even notice the company in the store. that, however, didn’t seem to be the case this time. kangmin heard his name loud and clear, and like a thief caught stealing he immediately looked up, bewildered, almost frightened. it took him a second to recognize the male approaching him. « .. jaehwan?»

[kvngmin]

taesuks:

              It wasn’t often that Taesuk found himself at a bar, and it was probably even LESS often that he’d find himself drinking at said bar. His lowered tolerance, coupled along with his heart condition, wasn’t always the b e s t combo to mix with alcohol, which is why he usually tended to avoid it altogether. The end of an increasingly stressful work / school week had called for a change in his usual weekend routine, which is what found him at the bar that night in particular ; loose-limbed and free, as his body danced up on the other’s currently packed around him. It wasn’t his FAVORITE method of dance by any means, but it was a liberating and enjoyable experience nonetheless— something the alcohol in his system merely aided in furthering. And while he could’ve easily left with several owners of the hands that frequented his hips throughout the night, liquor-induced hookups weren’t something that he found entirely too appealing. So when Taesuk finally stumbles out of the building a couple of hours later— not exactly drunk, but definitely tipsy to a point of staggered walking— he does so alone. His feet only take him so far, however, as he finds himself stopping in front of a ( hauntingly ) familiar figure, his expression falling into one of concern for a brief moment. “You should bandage those up, you know,” he mutters through a slight slur of words, hands stuffed into the confines of his jacket. Taesuk’s altered balance soon has him collapsing into a seated position next to his former friend on the curb, a quiet giggle tumbling past his lips in the process. “It could get infected.” The boy gestures towards the knuckles in question, slight concern still appearing in the furrow of his brow, despite the giddy giggles of alcohol currently lingering on the edges of his curved lips.

          SHOWING HIMSELF LIKE THIS felt a lot like admitting defeat. he knew the amount of people who’d love to see him like this, as someone who had given up much too young. but the truth was, kangmin no longer had the opportunities he had once possessed — no one wanted to hire an ex-convict even when proven innocent. no one wished to befriend an ex-convict even when proven innocent. he might’ve served a sentence, but he had sentenced himself to LONELINESS for it. he was surprised someone would even send him a second glance, much less express any sort of c o n c e r n for him, and there was something oddly familiar with the boy in front of him now. kangmin couldn't help but think maybe his own mind was playing a trick on him and he was hallucinating, grasping on to something recognizable, but a concussion seldom did that to one and so he merely lifted one eyebrow at the other's drunken, giddy behavior. «what do you know about flesh wounds?» he muttered dismissively as he took another drag of his cigarette. «besides, i'm FINE,» he added — a lie, but one he had perfected.

[kvngmin]

sevkmin:

@kvngmin

NIGHT SHIFT. not necessarily his preference, but when you’re a new nurse, you take what the hospital tells you to take. he hoped at one point there would be a day nurse opening so he wouldn’t have to wonder about his schedule. nevertheless, seokmin had such an unparalleled l o v e for his job that he would deal with working twelve-hour shifts through days and nights, deal with double- no, TRIPLE - shots of espresso in an attempt to wake him up more than his horrid sleep schedule (if you could even call it a schedule) ever would. so here he was, the morning after, standing in a coffee shop line, wearing scrubs, a name tag, and exhaustion, all three of which seokmin thought of as a blatant clue to his job. as he was l o s t in his thoughts, he felt a tap on his shoulder, looking over and realizing the line had moved up. “ sorry! ” he briskly apologized, moving up behind the person in front of him, who happened to be ordering. as he took out his wallet in preparation, he overhead that the man in front of him was some coins short, and his head shot up as he exclaimed, “ here, i’ve got it! ” not wanting to make the other wait, he quickly opened his wallet and reached in, the force BACKFIRING and causing him to drop his wallet. “fu-freak!” the nurse mumbled as he bent over, used to having to change his language around kids. he pulled out some coins  and handed them to the man in front of him, getting distracted by the other’s appearance. does he know him? seokmin realized he was staring and shook his head, smiling, “ here you go, don’t worry about the extra change. ”

          NORMALLY HE WOULDN’T EVEN leave the comfort of his apartment no matter how much he craved that coffee. a simple a task as walking through the city of seoul had turned into a c h a l l e n g e, a minefield he was trying to steer clear of. he had yet to grow used to the numerous glares he got — he was proven INNOCENT, but that didn’t change people’s perceptions of him. to be honest, he didn’t blame them. after four years of having been told so, kangmin had caught himself thinking he was guilty too. in a way he was, but he couldn’t allow himself to ponder on that. he was already headed down a path much too dark for anyone to follow. his hoodie was drawn up as if it would somehow help keep him hidden ( it didn’t ) and he hadn’t even really thought twice about how much won to bring — a coffee wasn’t that expensive, was it? he was of course regretting that now because if it was one thing he didn't n e e d, it was the unwanted attention he was undoubtedly harvesting with this scene. an ex-convict with no money was surely a headline that would sell. luckily for kangmin, someone seemed to come to his rescue and as he was much too embarrassed to argue it he took the money with a grateful smile that soon turned into an expression of confusion the second he saw the male's face. «thank you,» he said although it sounded more as a question as he placed the money on the counter whilst not letting his gaze leave the man. «i .. seokmin?»

[kvngmin]

sxraii:

“You’re still the same after all this time aren’t you? A violent, destructive person intent on breaking people.” The words slip out of Sora’s mouth before she can stop them, her tipsy intoxication causing her opinions to slip out easily —–but she’s also in shock. TIME had a funny way of bringing people together and Sora was painfully reminded of the past the moment she looked at him, she was reminded of her friend through the newspapers that said he was INNOCENT. But he would never be innocent to her & she was too INVESTED to think otherwise, his face haunted her at COURT, and in a small box underneath her bed with pictures of her and her old dear, dead, friend. She wasn’t even sure if he knew who she was, back then Sora had been a child at the trial, nothing more, but her forgiving traits were replaced by an inconceivable ANGER, she wanted justice, no matter the cost and she’d memorised his face from the newspapers for this very moment. “But you’re still GUILTY to me.” 

          THINGS HAD BEEN SO DIFFERENT back then — most of all, kangmin had been a different boy. back then he had been timid and scared and helpless, a fragile thing just seeking ACCEPTANCE. now, at least, he could stand up for himself ( but at what cost? ). but sora had no idea what she was talking about: that had NEVER been kangmin. the only person he wished to break was himself — and he was doing a mighty fine job. after all, it was what he deserved, and he knew he was no innocent. hadn’t he idly stood by and watched, in a sense? he had never thought his ‘ friends ’ to do something that horrible, and yet he hadn’t been surprised. this was his price for IGNORANCE. still, it stung to hear the words from someone else, and knowing what she had lost tore at his insides, his GUILT. he couldn’t let himself show that though — not in front of her. he couldn’t be weak any longer. «didn’t ask, princess,» he muttered.