Kwento ni Pau

My life in texts and pixels

[kwentonipau]

Isolation and Algorithm

03-30-20. 

Another weird dream. Lately I haven't been trying to write my dreams I just go back to sleep in hopes of a better dream, sometimes it works. Today it seemed like i was the only human on earth? Or so i thought There was actually this algorithm? Idk that when u get the right combination of dogs? U can summon someone? Im not quite sure and i dont wanna recall it anymore. Its just that my dog was sad to be left alone so i tried to keep him company or give him company.

[kwentonipau]

Death

03-29-20. 

I think i purposely forgot my first dream but i got a second one. It is not as morbid as the others. I just remembered it was abt my bible student grace and how her husband died. I was trying to console her and i missed her so much.

[kwentonipau]

Twisted Mansion

03-28-20. part two.

So the previous thing ended up badly and we were sent to this weird place.

And yes we planned some tasks for the participants but get this somebody messed it all up. The algorithm and all was messed up. Somebody came and started killing everyone. 

People werent getting their tasks right but there were these few characters who helped me. There was this weird black insect? Idk if it was a mantis but his house was i think called a drift? And he was friends with this twisty guy. Anywho they were the ones always saving me when i was about to get killed. 

There was this one time also that something leaked like a gas tank and everybody was panicking and i thought they said go into the room which is practically suicide then they scolded me to avoid exactly that and i noticed doc vera in the room and didnt say anything yet so when i went out BOOM the room exploded and i was so guilty abt not warning doc vera but a few secs later i see her sitting comfortably in a chair on that same room. 

There was also this creepy thing where you either die or kill someone. So the trend is you need to be able to teach the other person to kill themselves. I think jade was there and i saw her teach someone how to do it with a scissors. She was instructing her to cut her cheek and when she couldnt jade did it for her and she followed until she no longer has any cheeks and she later died. So the whole time i was just literally trying to escape being killed or killing someone. 

I tried going to this empty room but someone came in and started looking for ppl and he saw us so i immediately ran and he followed suit. Guess who was their to save me? Yes the mantis man! Then he told me abt his plan. He had this device that could shrink himself so he could live in his drift so i said if i could join and he agreed. So it was this shower thing and we went it together. He said that one session is $87000 and i told him i owe him that but he said he didnt mind. So we went out the machine and prepared to be shrank? But his machine told him i was dirty? And that the mini controller like a phone will explode if i dont stay away for 1m. So i figured to just wash my hands. 

The restroom was so creepily beautiful. It looked so elegant like a hotel’s. Their soap looked like safeguard with kojic’s color. I dont remember what exactly but i knew for sure that the branding and everything of the whole place changed in one night. It explained everything. Why everything changed so suddenly. It was because of the change in administration. Who was running this? 

And so i finished washing my hands but after washing there was this lady with a child and we kind of played w her child a lil bit and she went somewhere else. Suddenly her child started throwing tantrums and we couldnt control her so it called attention from the police and we were gonna get arrested but i quickly took her to her mom and her mom seemed to be escaping?? But i caught up to her and she really was trying to abandon her child. We left the child with her and continued getting shrank. It worked! I went to mantis’ house and stayed there for awhile i think.

[kwentonipau]

Twisted Mansion

03-28-20. part one.

We were at amelle’s pod and we were tasked to host this quest? So we had to set it all up. We divided the questions and it was kinda like an anatomy exam with all the gory parts. It seemed like a horror videogame? Because the place looked scary and i kept on suggesting things to make it look scarier and the whole vibe was like a horror house but slightly “educational”. Kinda like an escape room if u think abt it. It was kind of like a project so we had to pass it to our teacher which was surprisingly gab’s mom!! She was so amazed with the portable cd drive that i passed w my hw. And gab was out when she was teaching. There were also different rooms with different tasks/quests and i remembered being in the last one, kuya rollie was the guide for the participants and the last stage was pretty weird cos all we had to do was sit down while anchoring ourselves with our hands.

[kwentonipau]

Guns

03-27-20.

Today my dream involved me using guns. Idk i was wearing this weird outfit that seemed to come from animal crossing and then when we were about to fire, turns out my gun was non-functional. So i had to swap it with the other guns which also doesnt work. Then i remembered there was this one small gun which had one bullet. I grabbed for it and started to shoot though i cant remember if i did shoot someone. Everything is vague from up to that point.

[kwentonipau]

Conservatory

03-26-20.

Today i dreamt that i was finally going to a music school with violin as my primary instrument. I met some really cool people who were very humble and friendly. Our first piece was idrk what it was then we took a break and explored the campus. 

Theres this one girl who lived in the middle of the campus and her apt really looked lit and it was surrounded with a circular pool. After break, we went in and changed our piece to turkish march. Theres always this piano kid who shows off. Another teacher came, a guy, and he said that he teaches different than the first teacher (girl: more liberal, free, new techniques) because he leans more towards the traditional part. He played us a few phrases and i kinda wished i was the accompanist but it was the other piano kid. 

Anyway, we didnt listen that much to him play because we were discussing (w my friends) how theyre gonna require us to compose a song at the end of the course and someone said it was just a mv but dude this is a conservatory so we were all panicking because none of us has composed something classical before let alone for the whole orchestra. 

There was also this weird part where i was tasked to finish a report ?? (Like some financial stuff and i put it at the back of a notebook) and then i had to report it but they were having this secret meeting ?? That turned out to be like a snack sesh (it was doc marco and his favorite students) and they finally let me in because they figured i wasnt a threat and he began to instruct this guy idk who to do it the same way i did. Then i proceeded to go back to practice.

[kwentonipau]

Mass Testing

03-25-20.

I was in charge of taking care of this little boy or dog (idk there seems to be both, a golden retriever who was being chased for eating a pumped beef?) but then he didnt want to escape because he had a pregnant wife?? But i convinced him to escape. 

There were also these villagers who were opposed to constructing a kh because we were gonna cut off the trees around but when they saw the final outcome with the trees still intact in the middle, they conceded but their punishment was to get arrested?? But while they were cuffed up, they had to choose which signage would represent them ie “i got caught again”? Etc. The leader thought to escape because he reasoned that they would rather have 4 catches (bad ppl) that day than find one missing person. But they still looked for him but before the govt, i traced the leader and found him stuck and it led me to the dog?? Then the dog became the little boy who holds all the secrets of curing the coronavirus ?? 

And doc billy was the leader of the opposing team? He kept on saying that we ruined his speech the other night because we were interfering. He was tracking us and we ended up in his office and i thought there was no way out but we split up and i tried asking for a heli but it couldnt fly because doc billy asked for a sour fireworks that would inhibit all flying vessels?? But my team assembled a float? And they picked me up. The float was announcing a psa, saying a lot of generous ppl have donated and mass testing is now possible in our area so they were looking for the symptomatic ppl to be tested first. I think the leader there is alex of totally spies.

[kwentonipau]

Asteroid

03-24-20

We were doing something at the rooftop and then i suddenly looked up and admired the night sky. I thought it was Jupiter but it was moving so close so fast. Then it appeared to be an asteroid. It suddenly crashed and split off to little pieces. Someone from the government came and wanted to quarantine us all. We tried to escape but they blocked all the exits. I tried to move up the highest floor but they too were there. I ended up jumping to the opposite side covered in trees to escape. 

Michael Scott and the cast of the office were there.

[kwentonipau]

Quarantine Dreams

lately, I’ve been having “apocalyptic/dystopian” dreams ever since the start of quarantine. At first, I didn’t realize they were dark. I started writing them ‘cause they were so vivid and weird that I don’t even know how my brain thinks of these stuff, so I wanted to document them. I only wrote a total of 6 because I was having them for consecutive nights and they were starting to bother me. I’d rather forget them really than struggle to remember them. It was fun at first but as time goes by, I think it affected my mood throughout the day. I usually write them as I wake up so it’s still “fresh” in my mind. I’ll be posting them one by one, just don’t mind the grammatical errors and messy storytelling because I didn’t bother to edit it. They’re just basically rough drafts.

[kwentonipau]

Quarantine Thoughts

2020. A historic year.

There is an ancient Chinese curse that goes like this, “May you live in interesting times” or to be more accurate, translates into “It’s better to be a dog in a peaceful time than be a man in a chaotic period.”

It implies that interesting times equate to a chaotic period.

I’ve always wanted to live an “interesting life” but this is not what I had in mind. When we were studying epidemiology in uni, I thought pandemics were legends. A thing of the past. But here we are now living through one. I already know that this is bound to happen but I was still taken aback. It all happened so quickly or was I just ignorant? The virus is named COVID-19 so clearly it didn’t emerge this year. Suddenly, my whole country is in quarantine. All non-essential businesses and workers are shut down. This fast-paced world slowed down.

I had many plans this year-- graduate vet school, get my doctor’s license, my twin’s wedding, Europe trip, service school, work and volunteering but it seems that it would have to wait. Everything is going to be rescheduled or I would have to work around it. There were so many things I wanted to do during my last semester at vet school especially during our clinical duties but all of that seems out of the question now. We are now currently processing all our requirements online including my undergraduate thesis. 

Many would assume that the suspension of classes would lessen our workload and make it easier for us to finish our requirements but that is totally not the case. Aside from everyone not having the same privileges and resources, we are all battling mental and emotional issues consciously and subconsciously. This situation that we’re going through is way beyond normal. Our daily routine have drastically changed and our brain and heart are taking a toll on this.

At uni, the professors simultaneously gave us all the requirements we needed to accomplish so that we can graduate.I haven’t always been good at multitasking even though most of the time I want to do a lot of things so this sudden influx of the things I needed to do weighed me down so hard. Every time I think about it, I feel uneasy and my heart suddenly beats very fast. There were times when I didn’t want to wake up because I’d rather not feel or do anything. It’s not that I’m lazy, it’s just that I feel overwhelmed by everything; not just my requirements but also the uncertainty of the future-- whether I’m gonna finish everything on time or if I’m gonna be graduating and taking the board exam. There was one time I had a breakdown during lunch with my family. I can’t help but cry thinking about all the things I needed to do. It took me some time but after organizing my thoughts, laying out all the things I needed to finish and setting specific deadlines for each one, I slowly regained composure. I found that it really helps taking one step at a time. Right now, I may be far from done with all my requirements but I’m slowly trying, one requirement at a time. I found out that setting a timer helps in keeping me focused and prevents me from getting distracted. I start with 15 minutes of work then take 5-10 minutes break and continue working again, sometimes gradually increasing the amount of time I work. And I use my weekends as breathers from all the work I’ve been doing.

Hopefully, I’ll finish everything on time and graduate this year. There is still so much to look forward to in spite of this pandemic.

[kwentonipau]

Chocolate Stained

It’s January. The morning breeze is as cold as ever. Thursday habits consist of going to the train station to give commuters free bible publications and breakfast at Ate Diana’s mini-karinderya (canteen). The usual breakfast is pancit but today it was macaroni soup (which happens to be my favorite! especially since the weather is so cold). I was so hungry and it feels so good to feel the warmth in every bite I take. But no matter how hungry I am, my stomach capacity is just so small. I couldn’t finish my food. Then came along my savior. She has been watching me trying to finish my food. She came near me and whenever I got the chance, I’d secretly give her some of my food. I don’t know her name but she really is a good girl.

Fast forward to when I was about to go home. In contrast to the cool breeze in the morning, it was scorching hot at around 10 am. While we were walking to the jeepney station, I was sweating like crazy ‘cause I was still wearing my cardigan. I didn’t have any towel or handkerchief with me so I just had to wipe my sweat with my hands. When we were finally seated on the jeepney, that’s when I noticed that the chocolate in my bag has melted! It was a huge mess! I was wearing a white skirt now stained with chocolate. My bag and my stuff were also covered in chocolate. I had to take them out and wipe them with my hands while I’m still sweating. I could feel the eyes of everyone in the jeepney, I wanted to melt! But while I was panicking, the guy seated next to us handed us tissue. What a life saver! I was able to partly clean my things and wipe my sweat. Partly because I didn’t want to use up all his tissue. Just before I got off my stop, I thanked him and he just smiled at me.

I had two saviors today-- a good girl and a kind guy. I might not know tissue guy’s name but I’ll never forget his kindness. It taught me to give a helping hand whenever I can. I’m sure all of the other passengers noticed his good deed and I hope it helped them keep positive throughout the day.

January 24, 2019.

[kwentonipau]

Arcade

Arcades are awesome. Everyone you see there is a kid. Literally or just at heart. You see kids acting like they’re in paradise, playing all the games that they want. But you also see grown-ups indulging their ‘inner kid’. 

There was this middle-aged guy who probably already got the hang of one game and it was all he’s playing. It’s kind of similar to a crane machine but instead of a crane, there’s a ‘sweeper’ and the prizes you could get are tickets ranging from 10, 50, 100 and 500. Since he is kind of an ‘expert’, he almost always get the 500 tickets! You could just see the joy and pride in his face! He deserves it. I applaud him for that. There was also this guy who was an ‘expert’ at Pac-Man. I can just imagine the time they spent to master those games.Their efforts seemed all worth it.

There was also one family that caught my attention. I think they were grandparents with their two grandchildren. They were kind of old, maybe 60-70-ish and their grandchildren maybe 6-10 years old. It really touched my heart that even if they’re too old to be at arcades, they still went there just to see their grandchildren happy. It was a very precious moment.

I guess no one’s ever too old to play at an arcade. I hope that when I grow older, I’d still indulge my inner kid. And when I become a grandparent, I’ll let my grandchildren play all the games to their heart’s content.

September 30, 2017.

[kwentonipau]

Water Bottle

Today I saw an act of kindness.

I was riding the jeepney on the way home. It was so hot and packed that the little girl was sitting on her father’s lap. I couldn’t help but hear their conversation since in jeepneys, you don’t really get your ‘personal space’.

The little girl was begging her father for water but they didnt have one so the dad asked her daughter to wait a little longer since they would soon be arriving at their stop.  And then it happened. The lady beside them, who obviously overheard their conversation opened her water bottle and offered to give the little girl some water.

The father looked so grateful and apologetic for troubling the nice lady while the kid drank to her heart’s content. They both thanked the lady and she replied with a smile. It was really nice.

The nice lady and I got off at the same stop and I really wanted to commend her for her good deed but I didn’t. I hope that she realizes how her simple act of kindness changed everyone in that jeepney in one way or another.

April 16, 2017.

[kwentonipau]

Smile

Today a stranger shared his smile with me.

I had no class at that time so I was at the communal, minding my own business. I consider myself a socially anxious person so whenever I’m in public, I need something to keep myself busy. I’m frequently alone so I learned that using my phone has been effective in these kind of situations. As usual, I got my phone and browsed through the internet. And then I got tired, so I looked up from my phone to stretch my neck and suddenly at that moment, I caught your eye.

You had long curly hair parted from the middle giving you that ‘surfer/island dude’ look. And without even thinking twice, you smiled. So I smiled back… or at least I thought I did.

Sometimes a simple smile can make your day. And today, it happened to me. I held on to that simple encounter to keep happy throughout the day. Someday I hope I can be like that to someone too. I hope I can be someone that would smile to a stranger without even thinking twice.

October 12, 2017.

[kwentonipau]

Payong

Pauwi na ako galing sa paaralan. Naglalakad sa kalsadang ilang ulit ko nang nadaraanan. Iisang daan ngunit iba’t-ibang mukha ang nakakasalubong. May mga naglalakad nang mabilis at meron din namang mabagal. At dahil gusto kong makauwi agad, madalas kong inuunahan ang mga mabagal maglakad.

Noong araw na iyon, nasa unahan kita. Kakaiba ang iyong lakad. Para bang bawat hakbang mo ay nagdudulot ng kirot sa iyo. Napaisip tuloy ako kung ito ba’y dahil may kapansanan ka o dahil naaksidente ka. Pero katulad ng lagi kong ginagawa, nilagpasan kita.

Noong mga sandaling iyon, may biglang tumulo sa aking mukha. Akala ko wala lang ngunit nasundan pa ito ng isa pang tulo kaya kaagad na binuksan ko ang payong ko. Naalala ko na wala kang dalang anuman at wala ring malapit na masisilungan. Mabagal ka pa naman maglakad. Kaya napalingon ako at nagdalawang isip kung papayungan ba kita o hindi. Di pa naman ako nakakalayo ngunit naunahan ako ng hiya.

Pinagmasdan nalang kitang maglakad hanggang makarating ka sa pinakamalapit na masisilungan.

Di ka sana nabasa kung ako sana’y nagkusa.

September 24, 2014.

[kwentonipau]

Bus Rides

I hate bus rides because I see many unfamiliar faces. Until... I saw what I thought was just another face. It was you. The bus was packed with no empty seats left. You, me, and a couple of other people were standing and swaying as the bus danced around the highway. The long ride became bearable because of the sitcom flashing on the TV in front. Laughs echoed around the bus as two comedians exchanged their respective lines. I didn’t watch at first ‘cause a guy in front of me covered the TV from where I was standing. 

The distance we travelled went farther and the people inside the bus became fewer. But before that, someone offered his seat to me next to an empty seat wet from the leak of a broken a/c above. Nobody sat next to me but a lot tried to since it was practically vacant. I kept repeating my line “There’s a leak from the a/c” and they would move ahead and find another empty seat. You were one of them. That’s the only conversation we had... but that isn’t even a conversation because I was the only one who spoke. 

You sat on the seat in front of me when it became vacant. You were still so occupied watching the sitcom and laughing as jokes were passed. You were enjoying it so much, you’d look behind at the other passengers, watching to see if they also laughed at the joke. You gave up your seat to every new passenger who was either old or a lady. You spent most of your time standing on the bus rather than seating. When I look at you, I forget that I hate bus rides. Maybe nobody is ever just another face. Everybody has their own story and yours happened to be part of mine.

July 1, 2015.

[kwentonipau]

Humans of My World

sonder

n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own

… in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk

We might not be as relevant as we think we are in the lives of others. But I believe, no matter how big or small of a part we play in their lives, we still have an impact.

It’s kind of like biodiversity. In vet school, we learned that its definition is all the life forms on earth and how everything is interconnected no matter how big or small. One being affects another then another and another.

So with that in mind, I decided to come up with this blog to show you and to document how “random passer-by’s” affected my life. These people are total strangers that I haven’t even talked to or for some I haven’t even had eye contact. Literally just some random passerby that in some weird and random way touched my life at one point.