✎ᝰ┆jay × reader % pt. 1 checklist
✎ᝰ┆angst ; warnings : none
hehe as promised here's part 2 🥰🥰 and i tried out a new format,, idk if y'all will like it but happy reading 👍👍
they say love doesn't last forever but with you, i believed it did.
occasion #1 : first year anniversary
do you remember our very first year anniversary?
i was so excited then to see you, wrap my arms around you and celebrate it together with you. i waited an entire day to surprise you at the soccer field but you never came.
all i got was a text saying, 'sorry, last minute plans.'
i could've sworn, i looked like a fucking loser waiting all alone at the soccer field with balloons and everything. do you know how much money it costed me? i could only reassure myself that it's fine and that no amount of money is comparable to you and your happiness.
i think i am a loser, for believing that you actually had last minute plans. everyone told me to give our relationship up, give you up but i truly believed that we will progress together, that we will put it on each other's ring fingers.
it was never me to begin with.
when she came back, i let up my guard. i was afraid to lose you to someone prettier, richer, smarter and more importantly someone who knew you better than me.
so i tried to know you better, i spent more time learning how to become prettier, i worked more, i studied more just to become someone better than her so you can finally look at me again.
in the end, it was useless. what you liked wasn't any of those traits, it was her.
i didn't believe it, i refused to believe it.
do you still remember the time i had a high fever? you probably don't. however, you'll definitely remember when her period is coming.
you'd always keep an eye out for her, always making sure she's drinking warm beverages instead of cold ones. it was so often that even i remember her cycle but not mine.
that one time when i had a high fever, you chose to accompany her who had period cramps. according to you, it was because 'it was too painful for her'.
what about me? was i not suffering as well?
there's nothing i could do as you've made your choice between us.
occasion #3 : promise ring
i confessed with the thought of putting on a ring on your ring finger and so the very first thing i did was buy you a promise ring.
a promise that i will do it.
the first few weeks you wore it and i was of course relieved that you weren't like what everyone said about you.
when she came back, the ring got onto her finger instead.
i asked you why and you said it was because she liked it.
'what's mine is also hers.' you looked at her with a smile that i'd never seen before.
i almost cried on the spot but you never noticed, you were busy complimenting how pretty she looked with the ring.
as adults, i should've known there's no such things as promises. they're just lies to make one feel better and it did make me feel better.
as much as it comforted me, it broke me down completely after.
when i told you, i wanted to let you go, you laughed. it was a laugh that mocked me and utterly destroyed my self-confidence.
you said, 'good for you' before giving me a look that said 'can you really?'
i was head over toes for you, i still am, but what is the use of chasing after a moving car when you know you'll never catch up to it?
therefore, park jongseong, i'm giving you up not because i'm not good enough but because you never stopped and looked at me.
one-sided relationships never gets anywhere and i'm sure you know that. however, it doesn't stop me from loving you still.
maybe we're not meant to be together this lifetime, maybe in another lifetime, even if i'm your pet, that'd be enough.
i just want to stay by your side.
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