Kyle heard Nate was talking but Kyle was to upset to register the words, something about hottie and a husband, Kyle found no humor in it. Kyle had a deep fear of being abandoned and forgotten, so much that he often pushed people away before they could leave him. Growing up with parents who had a lot of money and no time for him, and friends who were only there for the money and the things they would get to do or stuff they could keep, had left Kyle really skeptic on people and their actions. He didn't want that with Nate, he loved Nate. But the instinct to shut people out was strong and right now it just felt like Nate had done something wrong and was making excuses because he got caught. Kyle may have turned on the tv, but thats not where his attention was, at all. He was lost, lost in his head.
" im not mad" Kyle said in a pissed off tone of voice
nate’s relationship with his bandmates was effortless, close, and full of teasing — nicknames, pranks, and endless jokes made them feel like one big, messy family. “yes, you’re mad at me,” he nodded, taking a cautious step closer to kyle. “i’m sorry, i should’ve told you about it, but honestly, i didn’t even think it was that important, so i forgot,” he promised. he handed his phone to kyle, screen open. “you can check all the chats you want, i’m not a cheater, kyle.”
Kyle stayed silent for a while. He wasnt ignoring Nate, he just needed a little while to get his bearings, to process what was going on. He knew Nate was close to his band mates and it was all fun and games, it really was. Kyle also knew Nate loved him and he would never cheat on Kyle. However; there was something within him that made him feel all sorts of ways when he saw the message.
" you shouldnt need to tell me everything" Kyle then admitted, there wasnt anger in his voice, it was more neutral. Kyle really meant it, but he didnt really get why he was so pissed off about it. This was all so new to him, to have someone who really cared about him, who really liked him for who and how he was. Kyle didnt admit it, he didnt talk about it, but relationships... The young man didnt have a good experience with it. He hadnt been in long, solid, wholesome relationships before. There usually was a lot of using kyle for money, a lot of cheating and not caring. Kyle had always been the kind of boy who just brushed it off and kept going, unaware of the effect it had on him inside, of how the trust issues, anger and frustration just built up inside him. He didnt have and never had an outlet for it. He didnt have people in his life to talk about these things. He had learned the skill of shopping therapy and brushing things off. Tho in the long run, it didnt really work for him.
" i know your not a cheater, i dont wanna read your messages! " he said kind of harshly. Kyle was mad, he was mad at himself for reacting like he had, like he was reacting right now, he was mad at himself to feeling the way he did about this all. Kyle was mad that he couldnt just regulate himself, put it behind them and move on. It felt as if this relationship was slipping away like all the past once, it felt as if Kyle needed to make it stop before anything bad happened. At the same time, that was the last thing he wanted. Kyle loved Nate more than he had ever loved anyone. He was so lost right now, lost and confused.
