Kylie-P @kyliecocoyama - Tumblr Blog

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Me doing any task without YouTube playing in the background

Anyone else does have conversations with themselves in the notes app or is it just me?

Passport Photo

Self-Portrait

Unattainable💀✨♥️

#Corset #Black #Boy #Love #Gay

Unattainable💀✨♥️

#Corset #Black #Boy #Love #Gay

What is masculinity?

Men are socialised to believe that masculinity is something that is inherited or taught to them, hence the obsession with father figures. It's scary to consider that manhood and masculinity is something you instead develop and ultimately decide for yourself because society expects a certain kind of masculinity from you and that comes with all kinds of pressures and uncertainties, especially when you don't conform.

But if I were to give my take on masculinity to people who are contemplating whether they wish to live their lives as men, I'd say to first detactch yourself from societal expectations. Especially the parts of society that wouldn't give two shits of you were to dead the next day, ie capitalism and rape culture.

Then I'd say to start living for yourself and your own well being. Learn to self-love, once you do, all the other kinds of love will come to you.

And then a big part of being a man is looking at the world for what it is, without turning your back to it, even if it's hard to do so. Even if it's easier to just ignore everything and to become stoic, cold or indifferent. Seeing the world and opening your heart to the good things and bad. Determine the kind of world you wish to live in and the kind of changes you wish to see and make those changes.

Men don't submit and adapt to their environment. They set out to challenge and conquer it, with their own hands and the help of others.

Something like this isn't taught. It is not enough to inherit the will of those before you who wouldn't know or care what happens to you. You must make the decision for yourself and ultimately for your own happiness. This is what masculinity is.

#Gender #masculinity #Blog

Nobody loves me.

The part of my anxiety that tells me that everyone around me secretly hates me and that I annoy everybody and that I'm unpleasant to be around, to me, as an inevitable, inescapable, ever-present reality but it is never internalised as just a feeling I have.

If it is interpreted as a feeling then I would be helpless because it would become truth that I couldn't control and an issue that I couldn't ignore. Cause after all, how can my feelings ever be wrong? I was somehow choosing to feel this way for my own protection.

But if it's a reality that I have no control over, then why would I worry? I can't control it. The most I can do is control how I feel about it and react to said reality. And it just so happens that I choose to react with grace and poise, to always wear a smile on my face to mask any grief.

I'll assume that people are genuine even if they really aren't, after all it's on them for not expressing their hatred if me. And then on the off chance that someone's feelings for me is genuine then it's counted as soemthing remarkable. A miracle to be treasured all the more.

I can't control my reality but I can control how I feel and my feelings are always true.

Of course this kind of anxiety is neither a feeling or a reality, it's a mental illness. And this right here, these words I've penned, it's not a clever take. This is not a catch-all, fix-all. A fun observation to share and express. This undoubtedly flawed thought process is just me coping. This is just what I tell myself because nobody loves me.

Do not look at me

Because then someday you will realise down the line that you're bleeding from the palms for holding on too tightly, you will remember that roses have thorns "Oh! But they're just so beautiful" yes they are yes, but they're only beautiful because they're called beautiful for not a single rose on this entire goddamn earth ever once asked to be admired. Do not look at me as if could ever know what it means to love something or anything like me, do not look at me.

#poetry #Roses #Thorns

insomniac-arrest

reasons I’ve seen people staying on tumblr:

don’t understand twitter

posts are in chronological order

spite

no other website has the same ambiance of gothic confusion and unrelatable obtuse content

they are a hapless pornbot who knows not of the end coming for their quivering female presenting nipples

mega spite

like normal spite but you’re posting dick pics before The End

Direct Contact with the Memes

god, wht the fuk even is twitter

they tried to leave but woke up again on tumblr like it’s the Groundhog’s Day movie

This picture is worth a thousand and eighty-seven words.q

#Art #Photography #Black #Queer #Trini #Boy

I guess I'm lonely

I used to spend a lot of time online with a friend. We never really met up a lot in person even though we had mutual friends. But one day we randomly started playing a mobile game together and kind of bonded over that. We would play almost every night and I would feel sad if we could play. We would play other games with other friends in group situations but it was always nice if it was just the two of us. We would be on call and talk about all kinds of things. We didn't actually have a lot in common and wouldn't agree on most things so we'd end up debating stuff but even that was nice.

But maybe over time I noticed how sour his personality was and maybe he was always like that. Or maybe I got tired debating with him since I felt like the debates wouldn't go anywhere. And maybe as he felt more comfortable he would say more and more agregious stuff, stuff that I wouldn't be able to ignore in good consciousness. Then these debates would turn into arguments. And then one day it got pretty bad and I knew that that would've been the last time I'd have spoken to him or gamed with him. At the time I felt nonchalant about it. I mean this wouldn't be the first time he'd lash out and then isolate himself, but he'd always come back. And I told myself that even if he didn't come back, if he never comes back then it'd be whatever. Then he never came back. It's been a year.

Either he stopped coming online or I stopped checking. And I can't stand to play that game with anyone else. Who would I even play with? It wouldn't be the same. I miss him very very much. But I know that I would never reach out. Again, I couldn't, not in good consciousness. And I would hope that he would change, that he could change and be better but I also told myself that he also couldn't or wouldn't and that I'd have to come to terms with that. I really do miss him. I feel so bad not being able to talk to him. If I just could speak with him again I'd say "Wow haha, I'm lonely. Incredibly lonely."