it was a day. today is the third day of having a puppy and its good and bad. i spent this morning feeling tired and overwhelme. i had a panic attack/hyperventa;ated after a walk. he pooped and peed but hes not listening, and hes overwhelmed and he spent a lot of time biting me after. i had a lady tell me that i was using the wrong collar. and then i had a break down, i think im more overwhelmed and embarrassed if peple see that hes not listening and that im struggling.
so i crated him and went for a walk, i put classical music on for him and when i came home he was asleep and i just left him and it was the first moment that felt okay i cried and i answered a message from my sister. which i cried and basically said i was overwhelmed and i dont know what to do, and i dont want to give him back but i dont wanna fail. and she sent me a bunch of messages responding to my voice message said why are you crying, stop crying why would he listen if youre not confident not wanting to fail is an excuse you use to not try you need to figure out what you want, i think youre struggling that its hard work and youre overwhelmed but you need to tighten up, i know you can do it but you need to decide if you want to to put in that level of hard work, you have to believe in yourself but i think youre doing a good job.
which was frustrating but true. it is frustrating and overwhelming, i miss not having to clean up pee, and next week im back at work, its a huge life change and i just dont know if i want it. i feel like i enjoy dongs and hanging out with them but having one is completly different. so i dont know.
but i dont want to give up but i have to decide, and like i love his dog, but i also like being alone, and not worrying about what im doing , maybe i should have gotten a cat. i just feel overwhelmed
