My Dearest Babies; @lacking-sarahtonin - Tumblr Blog

Y’all.

My dentist isn’t physically attractive to me but if he caresses my jaw, tells me how well I’m doing and sings to me again he might just start to be 😅.

I went to therapy today.

I went to the dentist.

I enrolled in college.

I’m taking steps for my future. To be a better mom for my children because they deserve a mother that is healthy.

And I deserve to live my life instead of just existing in it.

Good gods. I haven’t posted in a couple of years.

I’ve been lurking but haven’t had a lot to say.

I’m alive, if not a little unwillingly.

I’ve had this blog 9 years and what a ride it’s been.

Went to the doctor to ask for thyroid testing.

Got prescribed a refrigerated vagina disk I have to change once a month so I don’t feel like unaliving myself anymore.

Cool.

#nuvaring

Every time I fell asleep last night I dreamt about Ryan leaving me.

I leave in 1.5 months for training and I’ll be gone for 74 weeks (with two 2 week stents home). And I feel like that’s exactly what is going to happen.

It’s easy to realize how little someone means to you when you’re not around them. Especially for that long. Anytime I’ve tried to talk to him about it, he’s never once tried to be reassuring. And I think it’s because he knows it’s going to happen, too.

He can’t stay faithful when I’m living in the same house, so how can I expect him to when I’ll be 1300+ miles away..

The dreams have been really messing with my head today and I just don’t want to talk to him. He keeps asking what’s wrong but he’ll never understand why I’m so bothered and it’s not worth talking to him about just to be dismissed again.

#military #68c #bct #ait #army #everything is going to change

I had plans today. But then my stupid brain went and fucked that all up…

rose-colouredgrl-deactivated202

oh ur vaccinated AND still wearing ur mask? wow that’s so hot do U mind if I give u head?

#I laughed out loud at this #I am both #vaccinated and masked #but also hot for those who are also both

It’s been a bit

Here’s a bit of an update:

I went to MEPS to verify my score and meet with the military doctor for clearance. That alone was enough to make me reconsider. I had to strip down to my bra and underwear with the only other female recruit and we were made to do exercises in front of the doctor, followed by an external gyno exam. It was mortifying. And they measured me two inches shorter than I am which put me on the edge for weight limit so I had to be taped.

He told me “my numbers were all fine, BMI, scale weight/height and measurements but I’m fat. Oh but that won’t disqualify you from the military. It’s just an administrative issue and they’ll put you on a special diet.” So yeah...

Then I was told I may be DQ’d anyway because I had a cyst on my tailbone 8 years ago and those are “generally disqualifying” because they can be recurrent and the government doesn’t want to have to pay for a recurring issue. So I had to send in my records from my surgery and wait to hear back.

It’s been almost two weeks and I got the text today that I’m medically cleared to swear in and take my job assignment.

This assignment sends me to Texas for a year of training...and my family won’t be coming with me. I haven’t sworn in, so technically nothing is official and I can still decide not to enlist... And I’d be lying if a part of me wasn’t hoping my tailbone would disqualify me so I could at least say I tried but it’s out of my hands....

I’m scared to leave for a year...

Scared my husband won’t be here when I get back. Scared my best friend will get tired of waiting and find someone new. Scared my kids will resent me for missing things. A year seems like such a long time...things could be completely different when I come back and that scares me. I’m second guessing everything.

Ryan is really pushing for it...and is pushing for me to go as soon as possible and that makes me question things. I’ve had a feeling he’s been cheating and that just makes me even more nervous.

There’s so much to consider. It could be a really good thing for myself and my kids...but at what cost?

#army #military #68c #68w #basic training #ait #i dont know what to do

I scored a 93 on my ASVAB! We are meeting tomorrow to discuss career options but 68C is what I’m aiming for right now (and my scores support that) but I’d ultimately like to obtain my PA.

Wednesday I do my physical and final enlistment papers!

I dreamt I was dating Chris Evans and we ran into each other at a Walmart. He picked me up and I asked him “This is how you see the world?” Cause I seemed really high up. Then, to be funny, I (lightly) hit his arm and said “I don’t wike it!” (Iykyk)

Then we were just walking around and he led me into this dungeon thing and walked in and told me I had to lock it so he didn’t hurt anyone. And then he turned into a werewolf.

I was scared so I left and went upstairs to get everyone ready for bed and locked all of the doors behind me hoping he wouldn’t get through. I was getting ready to lie down and one of my brothers was in my room so I asked what he was doing. He said he couldn’t get to his room because the door was locked. So I got up to help him and realized one of the doors was open that I had locked and started to panic

So I slowly walked into the room, praying there wasn’t a werewolf in there, and found Chris sleeping on the couch. So I went over and started cuddling with him

I got all of my images back. This one is one of my favorites

Posting these here because there’s no nudity so why not. These are three of the sneak peaks I got from my boudoir shoot! I have to finish paying her and then I’ll get the rest (about 60 images)

#boudoir

I got to look at the pictures from my boudoir shoot.

I just wish I hadn’t. I don’t even want them. I paid so much money to do them, just to absolutely hate most of them...

I made this post on my Snapchat yesterday.

Today a friend of mine messaged me and asked me for my address. I asked him why and he said because he was getting me a box. I didn’t believe him so I gave him my address

He said he got me 6 months and to let him know what I think of it.

I asked him why the heck he would do that and he said it was because I was a sweet person and he respected me. And I’m in tears because it’s something I really wanted but I made the post as a joke and some guy who has 0 obligation to me at all, got it for me 😭

This year had dished out so much.

Finally, with less than two months to go, there is a light!

Biden won the election. The collective sigh of relief heard around the world.

There is Hope.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

My Dearest Babies;