Shoot Down the Stars

L. Chicago native. Music obsessed. Sports enthusiast. Pizza connoisseur. Hyperbolic prose writer. Awkward moment enthusiast. High-five fanatic. Peter Pan complex. Coffee addict.

[lacklusterl]

Behind the pine with my boi @davegonzz28 at Green Eye tonight. There's a Jackalope. Come party. (at Green Eye Lounge) https://www.instagram.com/p/CioSMd7LtzV/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[lacklusterl]

Cat's outta the bag, y'all. It's a hard left from my fancy cocktails and Coyote Ugly nights... but there's free pool and the people are fantastic. Come see me Mondays, Fridays, and Saturdays. Damen and Moffat. Bring snacks. (at Lemming's Tavern) https://www.instagram.com/p/CiS-AdIJUcb/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[lacklusterl]

When I say it's been a wild ride, it's not an exaggeration. The last year and a half has flown by, but also felt like a century. This place has been my office, my club house, my living room, and my favorite bar. I can't believe it's coming to an end. I'm so incredibly grateful for all of the relationships I've built here, and I'm even more proud of my team that made it all so much fun - even when it was excruciating. My heart is heavy as I start my last two shifts behind the stick at G&O. Thank you all so much for making this place so special. Stay tuned - I'll let you know where to find me next. (at G & O Chicago) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ch-ow_JvsSg/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[lacklusterl]

Last summer I went to Louisville and Loretto, KY with my bosses and we got to create our own barrel of Maker's Mark. Tonight we're throwing a party about it at @grandandogden. You can only get this stuff at one of our @hammockhospitality locations. You can taste it side-by-side by side with regular @makersmark and 46 tonight, and $80 gets you a bottle to take home. You can also hand dip some glassware in that iconic red wax, take home some swag, and generally have a Real Nice Time. We open at 5pm. Come drink some bourbon about it with me! (at G & O Chicago) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ccn21JUrvPf/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[lacklusterl]

The beers are flowing tonight! We've got some absolutely amazing brews from our buddies over at @odiouscellars - the best one is by far our exclusive Hammock Hospitality collaboration, Hammock Time. Come by and have a few with us! (at G & O Chicago) https://www.instagram.com/p/CZ2xSMPLAdt/?utm_medium=tumblr

[lacklusterl]

I've spent the last few days processing and trying to come up with the right words. We lost our matriarch last week. If you knew her, Martha (Mémé to us grandkids), was a firecracker. Quick-witted and incredibly smart. Courageous even when it was probably unreasonable - like the time she stood in front of the Nazi soldiers in Nantes, FR, and basically said, "No, you're in MY town, I'm not following your rules." She loved music; I'll never be able to hear Für Elise without thinking of her. She was an amazing seamstress. She did the Chicago Trib Sunday Crossword in pen. She loved the Chicago Bulls, but particularly Joakim Noah. She was 99 and still lived by herself. She was stubborn and hilarious and opinionated, and our lives - the whole world - will be a bit emptier without her. But we have these incredible memories. And we will be able to mimic the accent that she never lost after all these years, so sometimes it will sound like she's still here. We won't be having services, as per her request. Her 100th birthday would have been October 26th, so raise a glass of red wine - with one ice cube - and say "bonne santé," and don't forget to call your grandmother and remind her of how much you love her and how incredible she is. Je t'aime, Mémé. https://congdonfuneralhome.com/tribute/details/3586/Martha-Vaughan/obituary.html#tribute-start (at Winthrop Harbor, Illinois) https://www.instagram.com/p/CY7l_uLha2e/?utm_medium=tumblr

[lacklusterl]

We have glitter. We have lazers. We have bubbles. Ring in the new year with your favorite Boss Babes of West Town! If you're real lucky, we might even get on the bar top and Coyote Ugly some shots before midnight... 😏 *proof of vax required!* (at G & O Chicago) https://www.instagram.com/p/CYKo7XSLAY1/?utm_medium=tumblr

[lacklusterl]

She's not drunk enought to forget. Nor drunk enough to remember.

Not drunk enough to feel anything, or to stop feeling everything.

That's the problem, then. The level of drunkenness, or lack thereof.

Maybe one day, she thinks, she'll get all of those things back. She'll be in control of her memory, her feelings, her station in life. But, in her head - and her heart - she knows she won't. It's just not in the cards for her.

[lacklusterl]

I'm working a double today (yep, I'm working freaking BRUNCH)... Whatever the over/under is on the number of cups of coffee it takes to power this shift, I'd take the over. Come visit me and we can complain about we're getting too old for this shit together! (at G & O Chicago) https://www.instagram.com/p/CXWbsqDlB7E/?utm_medium=tumblr

[lacklusterl]

Beautiful day for a ball game! Shout out to Uncle Jay for the tickets, and always good to see Jake and Rick after 3 years 🖤 🐻⬇️ (at Soldier Field) https://www.instagram.com/p/CWj19nhraMO/?utm_medium=tumblr

[wilwheaton]

[explodingdog]

[explodingdog]

other variation

[explodingdog]

[lacklusterl]

One guy thinks he's fucking clever, and the other one refuses to recognize how clever he is.

I'm honestly at the end of my fucking rope at this point.

[lacklusterl]

You Know why I drink whiskey by myself till 5am?

Cause being alone drives me insane. 

My mind runs, rapid firing thoughts. 

I'm a liar.

I'm a bad partner.

I'm gonna die alone. 

All these things you've said and he's said and she's said and they've said.

I'm never going to be good enough. 

Everyone leaves.

So why shouldn't you. 

I drink whiskey by myself until 5am because it numbs the emptiness.

It makes me think I have something to do.

Maybe this one hobby will kill me before I kill myself.

Maybe if I'm terrible enough you'll just leave me alone. 

You'll find what you need, what you deserve. 

And I'll have my space and my time and my solitude.

So I can stop hurting you. And him. And her. And them. 

So I can be alone with my stupid selfishness and stop ruining everyone and everything that I touch.

So I can be the egotistical maniac that I am without hurting anyone. 

I drink whiskey by myself until 5am because that's precisely what I deserve. What I've earned.

I've made my bed, so I might as well lie in it.

Cause I'm a liar. A cheater. A stealer.

I wreck every good thing. It's not even self pity at this point, it's just owning my truth. 

And my truth is that I'm not a good person. Not a good partner. Not even a good friend. I pretend that I want to help people, fix them. But the reality is that it's all a selfish game to make myself feel better about all the shitty things that I've done.

For once in my life, I'm recognizing that the things I think I want are out of my grasp. 

I'll never have the fairy tale ending. I'll ever get the HEA I read about. 

I'm a Jinx. Just like the characters I read about - identify with - I'm no good for anyone that comes into contact with me. I'm selfish and childish and the damn textbook definition of a narcissist. 

But at least I see that now. What's that saying about an insane person having a moment of clarity??

[lacklusterl]

All I can think about are those few precious seconds: your arms around my waist, hot breath on my neck, that growl in my ear, the goosebumps you managed to raise on a humid summer day.

The way you make me feel. The way you make me think. The way you make me trust; make me believe that what you see is who I really am, who I am capable of being.

The cut on your lip and how it happened. The way I calmed you down. The multitude of times you've listened to me cry and dried my tears. The wounds you've bandaged.

What are we doing here? Why are we trying to deny it??