violet

girl cancer sun - libra moon library if you know me no you don't

[lacyviolet]

I picked up the book then put it down as soon as I opened it up

[lacyviolet]

what to be, who to be

what am I, who am I, I wish I could just be me and stick with it. but maybe being me is being fluid with everything that I love to do?

[lacyviolet]

I feel like im a dog chasing its tail around in circles, it never ends

[lacyviolet]

why am I like thisssssss I rly wish I was not like the way that I am, I don't want adhd or anxiety :( I also would love it if I was more a minimalist but adhd and spending ruins me lol

[lacyviolet]

im a creative person I am there is so much I want to say and feel but idk how to express it visually or audibly, this makes me believe that im not rly a creative person, a fraud, is this imposter syndrome?

[lacyviolet]

im more in tuned with the ocean than i think

[lacyviolet]

一个男孩和她的妈妈

[lacyviolet]

just write just do it write, what am i writing, my ADHD. I dont like it i dont like having ADHD it rly debilitates me everything i want to do everything, i want to do everything i want to play video games, multiple games too pokopia, world of warcraft, genshin, zzz, honkai star rail, league, valorant..... so many games i want to play, so many books i want to read so many tv shows i want to watch, so many movies i want to watch, so many things i want to study, so much art i want to create, illustration, vis dev, traditional, video format, fine art, music, what was that one thing i was gonna say? ugh i rly wish i could remember but it was art. see this is why i hate ADHD i cant remember shit my brain goes a million miles per hour, i recently discovered my feelings, maybe i wasnt depressed or anxious but because my ADHD i was showing signs of depression and anxiety because i didnt know how to manage it, i still dont, i dont know what to do taking meds sounds scary... idk how to feel and also i want to take meds but this medical system is horrible and i cant go through convenient systems like RULA because idk my insurance doesnt cover it????? when i start my new job i will go through their health insurance i am so excited to pay less for gas, be able to study in the library, drive so so much less farther, and just feel more safe in my area, i am super excited super excited this is for me this is my path this is our path! i am so excited thank you moon <3 thank you hehe its mine i did it hehe no more horrible managers and long drive thank you thank you thank you

[lacyviolet]

inability

My inability to do anything is insufferable, I suffer, we suffer

My brain can’t do basic tasks I can’t get up I can’t move I want to move

I want to paint I want to create I want to sound and color

I want to feel but feeling is either too much or too little 

When will I be okay how will I be okay

My brain cant do basic tasks I cant get up but I  can I cant move but I can

Learning each day what my body can and cannot do when I am like this

What will help me, who will help me when I am alone

I feel selfish, I feel neglectful 

I want to paint I want to create I want to learn and educate

When will I be  okay,  when will I learn 

My inability to do anything is frustrating, I suffer, I’m suffering

[lacyviolet]

you’ve known i love water but not loved as your daughter neither my mother or my father know just how deeply i feel

they may never know what truly lies beneath

do i lie or do i speak, staying silent is most peaceful until, until. wait for when what for, wait for what when for?

[lacyviolet]

bruh,

[lacyviolet]

i keep putting journaling off because it’s so hard to just feel what i feel, i opened up a lot to my boyfriend, about how hopeless i feel and it rly sucks

maybe losing weight will help?

[lacyviolet]

it’s fucking hard being trans i hate it a lot

[lacyviolet]

having to force my voice higher, my shoulders forced back, my chest growing into my 20’s, having to shave every day, trying to chase the feminine everyday, force it to come “naturally” is a stab in my heart every day. it’s a reminder that i’m not naturally a woman, i wasn’t born into the body i feel like i should’ve been. i wasn’t born to live the life i crave, im not who i’m supposed to be, the mirror doesn’t lie. i wasn’t born a woman and im reminded everyday every time i have to do these things.

[lacyviolet]

yeah that feels like a woman’s chin you piece of shit

[corrodedparadox]

Yoink

[wweeird]

anika my little horse girl