Faerye Nonsense

Occasional prose, whatsits, and whynots by SFF author Felicity Shoulders 🐦‍⬛ (pronouns she/her; languages mainly English & French) 🦖 I love books, dinosaurs, language, and our wide haunted planet

[fshoulders]

I am so crazy about this little kitty.

[fshoulders]

*talking to my friends on Discord about Dracula*

*looking around to decide whether to spoiler-tag an 1897 novel adapted 3 thousandty times for screen and stage as well as into a bitchin’ board game I have played with several people on the server* “Yeah, no, no spoiler tags: we’re all freaks here.”

[fshoulders]

“…traditional Republican values (Smaug feelings)…” is a phrase I just typed in the course of conversation, and then stopped to giggle over.

[fshoulders]

Each of my kitties has a designated song that I sing to them in a sort of lullaby way, and one has a song by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs while the other has “Danny Boy” with lyrics modified to fit. I cannot explain this: it’s just how it turned out.

[noknowshame]

people in fiction are always making plans like "how about tuesday?" and then leaving without elaborating. what time? where? do you even have each other's numbers? deeply stressful

[herpsandbirds]

Q: Can you get me the least skinkiest skink?

A (Paxon): Let me who you the first skink that came to mind... to me, a very unskinky skink.

Red-eyed Crocodile Skinks (Tribolonotus gracilis), family Scincidae, endemic to New Guinea

photograph by Andyscorner12

photographs by Rizki Supendi

photograph by Tanto Yensen

photograph by Shikhei Goh

photograph by Piranhapirate

[fshoulders]

This absolute looker seemed very familiar to me, and it turns out he is the model for a great little card from Magic: the Gathering. Who says celebrities are less handsome when you see candid shots?!

[herpsandbirds]

[fshoulders]

At character creation, the GM said, “Uhh please stop elaborating your backstory: we are playing Old-School Essentials and I don’t want you to get too attached to a character that might just die in the second session!”

But now she is level 4 and I will not be leashed. That’s right, she knit these socks herself. She learned to knit socks at the orphanage! It’s OSR, there’s no skill line for knitting, so you can’t make me pay for it! She left Haven because she accidentally killed a bully! She likes pigeons! (Preferably in pie.) You can’t stop me!

[prokopetz]

Historically, one of the most reliable sources of widespread banditry was rulers ramping up military recruitment for major wars, then cutting their soldiers loose afterwards without pay, leaving a bunch of heavily armed men with military experience floating around broke and homeless.

Knowing this, whenever someone jokingly refers to raccoons as "trash bandits", I get a vivid mental image of, like, a raccoon succession crisis leading to a raccoon civil war, the aftermath of which forced the former soldiers of the losing side (who are all raccoons) to take up the life of the raccoon outlaw.

[fshoulders]

I think if two fandoms make up the same tag, there should be a formal arbitration process. Which sounds boring but wait: I propose it should consist of a series of fandom duels.

[fshoulders]

Setting up an astonishing array of fancy Paranormal Investigation Equipment and calling upon the spirits…of dead movie directors and stars.

“I have summoned you here to perform a ceremony called…the Commentary Track! Please watch this cross-dimensional projection of your classic film and speak your thoughts clearly into the spectrovibroplexagraph. Yes, that thing there. Any thoughts. Technical…salty gossip…you’re dead, who’s going to squawk?!”

[fshoulders]

If we ever become able to converse with whales, then after the like solid year of apologies we owe them, we had better update our common names for their species (at least in English) very quick.

“You think we have WHAT in our heads?”

“Right for what? RIGHT FOR WHAT?!”

[fshoulders]

People are like “a chemical salt is a perfect marriage” and I’m like, sorry but that is HELLA transactional.

[fshoulders]

Had random brainstorm of an offensive t-shirt reading:

JESUS IS MY BLORBO

but honestly if anyone gets why it would be offensive to some people, then they are almost certainly tumblrish and very unlikely to be the people it would be offensive to. We’re all here at the Devil’s Sacrament website, after all.

[fagcrisis]

i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic

[maryoliveoil]

rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich

[fshoulders]

Vet tech looking at the chart for our old cat in years past and going, “uh…I see she can be kind of erotic around blood draws?”

[mumblesplash]

it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed

[fshoulders]

We all think we want a life scored by Jerry Goldsmith, but most of us could only bear up under like Carter Burwell-scored events.