Lila💋

Living corpse in the unknown. -uninterested -ambulatory wheelchair user 🖤✨21🖤✨

[kuromisgh0st]

friendly reminder that the women of tumblr owe you ✨nothing ✨

[soundcarvings]

I’m kinda feeling a bit of everything these days and also nothing

[cunttcobainn]

i love when the weather is creepy

[ladiablita209]

Finally got the sides of my hair shaved today and styled into a death-hawk with curls. I love it. I look kind of pale and feel sluggish so I won’t post a picture of it but just know my hair looks awesome despite that. 🧸

[antoniabishop]

Kitchen, 3am

[koiagain]

Does anyone remember a summer that wasn't Evil

[toddsolondz]

i’m like a clown that no one hired or pays

[roua-poemului]

“My ideal lover: Intelligence, with a touch of insanity.”

— Nicholas A Browne, from “Haiku 481”

[killxbunnyyy]

Hey sorry if I’m kinda weird I was supposed to be dead by now

[phlegmaphoto]

[importantcatpics]

[ladiablita209]

I’m slightly swooning for once but also cautious. Little steps. I need sleep. I have important phone calls to make regarding referrals and doctor appointments. Very important when I have tests I have to get done. Medically complicated and yet my doctor finds me to be their favorite. Even the staff see me and automatically say I’m checked in and to just wait in the waiting room until it’s my turn to be seen. Perks I guess. I’d rather be a regular at a different event like a goth club or something but guess doctors office works too. 🧸

[ladiablita209]

I also forgot to mention that they corrected me for saying ‘meet up’ and ‘hangout.’ They texted and said “Our date” and “Go out.” Anything but casual. For me it’s a habit to water things down and make it casual. I find it hard to be seen as wanted or likable, much less even lovable. But they have little moments where they step up and say things with their chest before going back to being extremely shy.

[ladiablita209]

We’re not even exclusive yet. I’m not asking the “What are we?” question until at least the third or fifth date. I don’t want to rush into anything or have either of us feel pressured. I want to get to know them more. But so far so good. I like the pace. I make them nervous and scare them in a good way. It’s kind of…adorable. I will say though, knowing them for a year I’ve noticed I’m the dominant one. Not in an overpowering way. I mean it in a leading way. They’re like a gentle giant if that makes sense. If I had a nickname for them it’d be ‘my little shadow’ and that’s mainly because despite the previous block attempts on my part when things got not great as in bad communication, every time he knew he was out of the dungeon (my block list), he’d admit he fucked up and didn’t blame me, used my full name, and begged for a genuine chance/date. He lingers. Hence why he’s a shadow boy. Someday I might use the word ‘my’ but not now. Not yet. 🧸

[ladiablita209]

Okay, I officially have butterflies. I got called “Love.” I also got reassured and confirmation about the upcoming second date next week. This feels so weird. Is this real? I’m having a hard time believing it. Call it standard, but they even texted me about them just getting home from work. Plus they let me know about their plans ahead of time (they take care of their disabled mom and take her to her doctor appointments). So instead of meeting Tuesday, we’re meeting Wednesday next week. J has to pick up her Prosthetic shoes. Honestly, it’s kind of cool. We’re similar in the sense of he and my mom are caregivers. His mom and I are disabled in our own ways. So he knows what I need and gives it from firsthand experience. And for me, I know when to give space and not constantly need to hear from them because I trust them. I don’t feel insecure or nervous. Which is pretty great. I don’t check my phone constantly and I can go about my day. It’s cool. Weird but cool.

[sacred-portal]

[kiwilikethefruittt]

get it done.

do it weird. do it messy. do it scared. do it out of order. do it slow. do it a little bit at a time. do it.