Roses Rumination

[ladydarkroses]

Comfort Zone

The problem with being comfortable is you never truly live.  You do not strive to challenge yourself.  You become numb to setting goals and personal growth.  Being comfortable allows you to feel no fear, to always know what to expect.  The trade off for that safe place is you become a prisoner of a safe room you created.  My new year’s resolution was to break out of my own comfort zone.  I’ve started with baby steps.  I’ve changed careers, okay, maybe that isn’t such a baby step.  I’ve started saying no to what no longer serves me.  I’ve asserted myself in relationships by saying what I want.  I am changing everything.  Some days I do really great.  Other days I’m sitting on my couch zoning out to the TV wondering what the hell do I think I am doing.   I don’t know what my future will hold …. I am learning as I go …. may I never run back to that safe comfortable place.

[ladydarkroses]

I can pinpoint every dark period of my life by the characters I obsessed over.  When I was breaking up with my first serious boyfriend it was Doc Scurlock aka Keifer Sutherland in Young Guns.  In my 20′s when I was walking through a particularly lost period I drifted from Brandon Lee’s tortured portrayal of Eric Draven, to Jack & Rose in Titanic and finally Buffy Sommers & Angelus tumultuous relationship on BTVS.  Thankfully, I found the light at the end of the tunnel and drifted away from my obsession with tragic characters who can never have a happy ending.  Recently, I’ve found myself going through a total life shake up .... I’ve found myself drawn to the tragic love story of Tate Langdon and Violet Harmon in AHS.  I know, I am about 8 years behind the times, and what can I say - I was having happy times.  I seem to find these dark, no way it can end up happy tales, when I am walking through changes.  I used to think it was by chance, a lucky channel surf - a Netflix recommended for you or whatever.  Now, I’m not so sure .... I think the universe senses what we are feeling particularly vulnerable, I believe it sends us what we need to escape  ... for some its food/alcohol/drugs .... for me its tragic characters who can never be happy .... Just maybe, that time I spend devouring every episode, every nuance, every picture on the net of the characters is giving my mind a break from my troubles .... in some way heal.  

[ladydarkroses]

Stop being comfortable with who your not, so you can become who your supposed to be.

#createyourlife

[ladydarkroses]

Recently, I’ve read if your life is falling apart it’s to make room for new beginnings.  Of course, there is all the positive bullshit “Chin up, tough times don’t last” or my favorite “You have to fall apart in order to come together”  My question is WHY?  Why must we feel pain before we can feel good?  I realize a lot of us, myself included would sit idle if not forced to feel uncomfortable.  Why must it be so gut wrenching?  Then again ---- maybe its human nature to stay where it’s uncomfortable because it is easier than venturing into the unknown.  Maybe the only way to change is to walk through the pain .... 

[ladydarkroses]

When someone says “I had no other choice” yet, they expect you to relax your boundaries to accommodate their lack of chocies..... when you clearly had choices.  Why is it so hard to cut ties?  Why is the fear of loneliness stronger than self love  .... 

[ladydarkroses]

Truth & Peace

Peace comes when we look deep inside and acknowledge our real truth.  That truth can be as simple as I hate my job or as complicated as I no longer love my life partner, yet I’m terrified to be alone.  That truth can be ‘I hate myself’ or ‘I resent my parents’  The first step to the path of peace is admitting what you’ve buried deep inside, hid from the world, and tried to pretend didn’t exist .... just say it out loud.  Once you admit it to yourself you can decide what to do or not do about it.