Voyeur by Michael Faudet

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YOU ARE THE REASON
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@ladylaelegacy
Voyeur by Michael Faudet
Dear john
Dear John, I tried. I can't no more. Let me go. Jane..
KAMA SUTRA For Each Zodiac Sign!
How To Seduce Each Zodiac Sign
Zodiac Signs Being Drunk
If Each Zodiac Sign Was a Drug
In a world, where everything we do is at fault. Everything we do is wrong. Or will be frowned and looked down upon. How can anyone do right? When you knowingly are doing absolutely nothing wrong, but are being told otherwise, how do you react? When you are constantly being undermined by authorities, friends, family, a lover.. how do you pick yourself up? How do you brush it all off and stay seemingly unoffended, unscathed, untroubled? How do you remain or even pretend to remain cool, calm and collected? How does one constrain their heart and block out love?
How does one act in perfect unison with the blinded world? How do you let pain dilute within you?? How do you pick up and recover from the loss of self-esteem, from deteriorating, from being and feeling hopeless, worthless? How do you push yourself to achieve, to persevere, to pierce, to live? How do you survive? Does it make sense that you suffer, always and never feel happiness? Does it make sense that a person can love and not be loved in return? Is it fair that you cannot chose fully, and completely? That you cannot tell yourself to stop feeling pain when being ridiculed and mocked? That you cannot tell yourself who and who not to care for? That feelings are involved and that they take over some of us? Is it fair that even though we know what is right and logical, that our feelings interfere and we cannot, even knowing the right path, take it.. My feelings take over who I am. My feelings make me weak. My feelings pain me more than it should. What I feel takes over the intelligence my brain possesses.
My feelings will be what kills. I try to rid myself of the pain that are caused by feeling too much, but to rid myself, I take all the wrong paths. I drink to have fun and forget. I take drugs to eliminate any thoughts of reality. I sleep too much so I can live in dreams, that I can control and be happy. I cut to take the emotional pain and produce a physical one instead. The physical pain releases me from the emotions I do not want to feel. The adrenaline of seeing my blood leaking is seeing my pain drip away. These, however are all temporary solutions to my problems.
I cannot find a permanent soluuon. I can ask for help from certain people that will happily assist me, but I do not want to bother them. Others I cannot ask help from because they donât believe I need it, which makes me feel even lower. It makes me feel lower because I know I need help and they see me as a stronger person which I am not. There are some I am afraid of talking to although they would probably understand, but those who understand are the ones who are going through similar paths in their life.. They are trying to help themselves or need to, they have their own problems to tend to. I will not be that selfish. So my conclusion is this. I will always be messed up. If one day I do take that step toward achieving status, money, and the rest.. Itâll be because I stopped caring. Itâll be because I stopped loving. Itâll be because I started to let go of everything that I feel matters..
I donât want to be that person but feel I might have to. I have started. I have started closing myself off to people. I have started to not let others know how I feel. I have stopped talking about my pain. I am letting go of hope.
Another pawn on the chessboard. Another blinded idiot following societies demands. That is what I will become and I am looking forward to being regular. Because I will never be accepted of loved, being broken the way I am.
Dear John
Dear John,
I have not spoken to you in forever. You were my first. The one who has made me no longer a virgin. You were sweet, honest, quiet. You trusted me. You almost freaked when you found out. I never told u I had never had sex before. But you tried not to overreact in order to make me feel comfortable. You called me up the day after and for a whole week to try to take me to breakfast, lunch or supper. And I declined each time. I was afraid of commitment. I am sorry. Now that you have popped up into my life again, I donât know how to react. But I know now you are married. (Or at least that is what I have heard). And that you have been locked up. A lot has happened in your life. I am not expecting anything from you. I never have. Our friendship was perfect and hopefully we can bring that back. Ive missed you. They say you never forget your first. I have never forgotten you.
Smiling Jane.
If Each Zodiac Sign Was a Drug
Zodiac Signs Being Drunk
Zodiac Signs In The Bedroom
Zodiac Signs When Angry!
Zodiac Signs As Ice Cream Flavours!
Zodiac Signs In The Hunger Games
If Each Zodiac Sign Was a Drug
Zodiac Signs Being Drunk
Zodiac Signs In The Bedroom
Zodiac Signs When Angry!
Zodiac Signs As Ice Cream Flavours!
Zodiac Signs In The Hunger Games
Dear John
Dear John, I once had a man in my life. One who loved me so dearly, but I pushed him away being afraid of commitment. I had learned that he tried to contact me forever and finally, when I got a hold of him again.. I was willing to go out and party with him. When this date came, his friends had preferred going to a strip club rather than a club (to dance). He got into an argument with them and to stop the yelling, I agreed to this going. We went to the most notoriously known one. But this man who loved me so much, didnât even once look at the women dancing, nor the women walking by. He just kept his eyes on me the whole night. Even when I tried to make him look elsewhere. And his friends called him names.. He kept his eyes on me. He kept his eyes and full attention on me. Never letting my figure stray from his sight.. He then asked me to go out into the car with him. Which I did. And he proposed.
John, You were that man. You made me smile. And I loved that you proposed and if only u knew how hard it was for me to say no. I couldnât just jump. I couldnât just let go of what I had. I hadnât seen you in so long too. I couldnât take that risk, I was too cautious. But I wanted to so badly. I regret saying no to your proposal. I would take a risk now.
You still mean a lot to me. I will always have love for you.
Jane.
If Each Zodiac Sign Was a Drug
Zodiac Signs Being Drunk
Zodiac Signs In The Bedroom
Zodiac Signs When Angry!
Zodiac Signs As Ice Cream Flavours!
Zodiac Signs In The Hunger Games
Dear John
I will be doing a new way of posting. I will be letting my emotions out through letters that I call Dear John. These letters are for specific people but I will always refer to them as John(for a man) and Jane(for a woman).
Dear John
Dear John, I deeply apologize for the pain I have cause you. It was out of my hands and power that your ex thought u were walking with me and the relationship went downhill. You could have easily explained to her that you lent your jacket to your brother. However, somehow, unwillingly it was partially my fault and I apologize. John, I also apologize for wanting you to be with the one you love so bad.. Because somehow I messed that up too. I don't see how I could have been to screw up your love life so much.. But if she saw us walking together and thought something was going on. It is her who judges too quickly and you who agreed to walk with me. Somehow, again, I am implicated, and because of me you lost her. So I apologize. Now John, I will make this last thing clear. I love you. I do. But this love I have for you is beyond love that I've had in the past. This love is magical. It isn't me trying to figure out ways to screw with ur life. Or play games trying to make u fall for me.. No.. This love I have for you is so strong and powerful, yet, somehow controlled by the fact that I want you to have what you want. I won't sabotage your partnership with someone because I want to be with you.. No.. I prefer you be happy and will aid you in any way I can to do so. John.. I messed up somewhere, I did. And I know. And that was by opening my mouth about my feelings toward you, to your brother. But that was the only mistake I have done. And I apologize. Jane
If Each Zodiac Sign Was a Drug
Zodiac Signs Being Drunk
Zodiac Signs In The Bedroom
Zodiac Signs When Angry!
Zodiac Signs As Ice Cream Flavours!
Zodiac Signs In The Hunger Games
We helped each other through the pain and that was it. That was all of it.. That's what we were, And nothing more..
Lakeisha Roberts
And as you take your shower in the room right next to mine.. All I can think of, is the water that is falling down your body. Illuminating and touching every part of you.. Glistening on your skin.. And you rubbing yourself with soap.. Touching upon.. Your neck.. Your arms.. Your back.. Your butt.. Your stomach.. Your legs.. Your groin.. And how I would love to be the one to be rubbing every part of you.. And how I would love to be to water sliding down your skin..
Lakeisha Roberts
I donât want to get attached to anyone anymore, it only destroys me in the end
(via spvandi)