Lady MacBe†h @ladymb13-blog - Tumblr Blog

But to all the people who keep saying bad things about me after I have died...Shut up. :)

xoxo

Saying goodbye to the world becomes a thousand times easier when you realize you have no purpose anymore. I've come to accept the fact that I am a hindrance, not a blessing. I made a huge mistake. I let power and selfishness get the best of me. I thought I could get past the "ignorant present" (1.5.65) and feel "the future now in the instant" (1.5.66), but the world doesn't work that way. To Duncan I apologize for unfairly taking your life. You were an excellent king and neither Macbeth nor myself should have tried to replace you. To Malcolm, Donalbain I am sorry for framing you and murdering your father. To Banquo I am sorry that your life was also taken from you. I will always admire your "royalty of nature" (3.1.54). To Fleance, I am sorry for the unjust killing of your dad. To my dear friend Lady Macduff and family I am sorry that you were robbed of life. You did nothing to deserve such and I will never forgive myself for letting my "thriftless ambition" (2.4.40) result in your death. To Macduff, I am sorry my destructive actions brought you grief. To all that I've hurt, the people of Scotland, I am deeply, deeply sorry.

But to my dear Macbeth, I am even more sorry. I was stupid for pushing you to be "much more the man" (1.7.57) then you already were. I turned you into a savage. I made your once soft blue eyes those hardened bloodshot ones. That charming smile into a horrifying frown. I turned the "milk of human kindness" (1.5.17) into the "fiend of Scotland" (4.3.273). For that I am no where near proud. I love you Macbeth. But I guess I couldn't love you enough to stop this madness. There's no way we'll go back to our loving, confident selves. So I've decided to stop living this sinful life with these hands that "smell of the blood still" (5.1.53). Before I go, I just wanted to let you know that I'm still wearing our wedding ring...and I don't plan on taking it off. I have to go now. I know you're not the same person anymore, but promise you won't forget me. Please don't forgot me. I love you.

X Lady Macbeth

Macbeth and I's wedding song

I miss my young, vibrant self. Although I was not the wisest, I still had values and I promised myself I would stick to them no matter what. I had confidence and spirit. I smiled and stayed positive. I took on challenges and did my best to successfully take them on. Overall, I was a better person than I am now. Looking back, it amazes me how so much has changed. I have always been a pusher, but I this time I pushed too hard. I look at this picture and wonder if it's possible to get back to this simpler, happier time. But the more I stare at this photo, the more I know I would be foolish for thinking so.

I have used so many tissues in the last hour. All the kleenex in the world could not dry my tears.

#eternallysobbing

I did so much for a crown that wasn't even made of real gold. This "golden round" (1.5.31) does not define me, but I let it. It gave me nothing substantial. I am heartbroken, fearful, and distressed. Both my mind and body are imprisoned. I relied so heavily on this crown to make me happy, all the while forgetting that it's just plastic.

Found this old photo of me and Lady Macduff. I wish she was still here to see this.

#RIPLadyMacduff

Macbeth: I love your kilt! Where did you get it?

Malcolm: It’s my dad’s old kilt from the 980’s.

Macbeth: Oh, vintage. Adorable.

Malcolm: Thanks.

Macbeth: (turns to Lady Macbeth) That is the ugliest effing kilt I’ve ever seen.

Stranger

Some years ago, Macbeth earned the highest rank of knighthood in all of Scotland. I was so proud of him. He was such a "worthy gentleman" (1.2.26). The same night he earned his new title he dashed off without telling me a thing. I grew more and more worried as it got late and he had not returned. A messenger then came to tell me that Macbeth wanted me to meet him by this small bridge near our home at the time. When I arrived, the bridge had lit candles along the side, illuminating the structure.The flicker of the candles made the night beautiful. I remember Macbeth holding exactly twenty-three roses because it was our twenty-third year married. He told me how happy he was to have me get him this far in his life. He told me he loved me. The joy I felt that night is indescribable. I was sure our passion would last forever. I was sure he was capable of love. I was sure he was capable of good. But not even I am acquainted with the beast that now controls him. It has made his soft baby blue eyes dull and bloodshot. It has killed our conversations that used to last from dawn to dusk. Now we barely speak. It has made our bed, which was a source of comfort, a place where "discomfort swells" (1.2.31). Macbeth is gone. This man who I once called my husband is now a stranger.

Please do forgive me for burdening you with my pointless monologue, but the pain and sorrow and loss and emptiness I do feel is immense.

#tb to when Macbeth were in high school. I remember telling him his hair looked nice pushed back. It's sad that our relationship is no longer as strong. Our "unnatural deeds" (5.2.75) and "infected minds" (5.2.76) have only caused this marriage to wither.

"The battlefield is a scene of constant chaos. The winner will be the one who controls that chaos, both his own and the enemies." -Napoleon Bonaparte

Who will control Scotland's chaos? Will Macbeth control his own chaos? Will I be able to control my own chaos ?

treuedeutschefrau

ladymb13-blog

I smile...

A show of hands of all who are tired of the current Scotland and grieve for the old days ?

#missingtheoldscotland

I think I’m gonna lose my mind, Something deep inside me, I can’t give up, I think I’m gonna lose my mind, I roll and I roll ‘til I’m out of luck, yeah, I roll and I roll ‘til I’m out of luck” "Fireproof" by One Direction

My mind has so many thoughts running around…I can not seem to sort them out. I do not want to give up on the sliver of hope I have. I hope my husband will return to his old ways. I hope the kingdom will prosper. I pray this will all be a dream. So many wishes I have, but I feel as if we have run out of luck.

#onedirectionlyricsreallymakeyouthink #onedirectionlyricsaresoaccurate