That's My Bastion Up There.

A sadistic soul-enslaver who wants to conquer at least one continent. But like, he's chill about it. VERY canon-divergent Mordekaiser crackblog. Overly serious attempts at interaction will be disregarded.

[imparria]

[sun-scorned]

(On holiday break, see you in 2022!)

[mercless]

it’s only a possessed suit of armour.

based on these screenshots.

[estrogenpatchnotes]

[everythingfox]

“A Flemish giant rabbit.”

(Source)

[milfplz]

the way people mistake character depth for woobification

woobification is a real problem, especially for evil men [bc people hate women] but it's the difference between ;

"they've never done anything wrong in their widdle life xoxo my perfect cute little meowmeow is a good person smoochie kisses they'd treat me right clap emoji"

&&

"yeah they're evil or do bad things or have toxic traits, but they're capable of feeling complex, layered emotions & having behavioral differences in different scenarios"

[laidbacktyrant]

Metal Reborn

A pale tibia sinks into fluff. Finally, is done! Has all the bones now! And...some extras. Classic Porokaiser surveys the partly reconstructed ancient stone skeletons he’s dug up by accident in search of his own bones. The flying rockbeast is nearly complete, only needing feather bones. Perhaps in future, should keep up digging as hobby.

But more important things to do right now! Is finally time for CPK to restore himself to his full power. A sinister cyclone of steel shards starts to circle him as his skeleton puts itself together inside his body. The metal spins faster and faster, until…

Pop!

Is now wearing his full set of armor. Immensely menacing! Has 103 spikes, not counting those on Nightfall Junior. Only front of head open for snuggling. With his true form restored, CPK can finally move onto the next phase of his dastardly scheme...

paying a visit to a certain usurper.

[laidbacktyrant]

l-iron-maiden-l​:

“You talk alot of shit for a dead guy driving a tin can. I thought someone like you might actually be… I don’t know… intimidating.”

“Child, I don’t take Veigar seriously, and he’s actually powerful in his own right. What makes you think you merit that level of attention? You only grasp at the fringes of significance because the magic of brain-dead children was glued to your soul.

Crudely, I might add.”

[laidbacktyrant]

l-iron-maiden-l​:

“How about I do that and also crush you like a can in my closed fist?” She growled.

“You’re here to hurt innocent people Mordekaiser and I’m not going to let that happen.”

“Innocent? What a bizarre way of pronouncing ‘unworthy.’ If it makes you feel better, a good number of the souls I claim upon my return will probably be guilty of something.”

[laidbacktyrant]

“I sense an entity trying to approach my realm. It’s...very oddly attired.”

[laidbacktyrant]

“Child. Join me and I shall allow you to kill at least one LeBlanc. Actually, I have a better idea.

Continue sowing discord in Noxus and the Black Rose specifically, which you would have done anyway, and which benefits me without requiring me to change any of my plans in the slightest.”

@l-iron-maiden-l​

[laidbacktyrant]

I am in love with the CPK content and just thought you should know.

(Thank you, it's so much fun on my end too!)

[laidbacktyrant]

The ghost poros all snuggle him. Still do not understand why he wants power. But perhaps can help him find the bones! Is good to help! After all, he clearly wants to do the thing, so poros shall help. And then there will be more snax and snuggles! Is good.

No! Does not need this many snuggles! Is scary and menacing, darn it. Has spikes! Has eyes of burning witchfire! Has Nightfall Junior (soon to grow in power)! Has...

Has minions now.

Yes....oh, how brutally cunning of Classic Porokaiser. His fiendishly clever plan was so fiendish and so clever that he didn't even know he was making it! The ghost poros desire his company, do they? Very well.

With a flick of his mostly-boneless foreleg (has been busy), conjures iron garden trowels for new followers. Time to dig for skull at last! And then the other bones also.

And snuggle. But only a reasonable amount.

[laidbacktyrant]

The ghost poros are still confused! Why not wear the armor on the outside? Of course, do not know why he needs armor, because is poro, and thus has fluff, which is best armor, because is snuggly and soft and warm! Besides, nothing would want to hurt a poro, so not need armor!

That's not what the armor is for, it's-ENOUGH. Classic Porokaiser has suffered these fools for too long! He hefts Nightfall Junior and brings it down on the head of the nearest ghost poro.

The ensorcelled mace makes a squeaky toy noise and glances off harmlessly. In fact, it would probably do that even to a non-poro entity.

Curses. Clearly, CPK needs more power.

[screenshotsofdespair]

[laidbacktyrant]

The ghost poros are still confused! More confused chitters! He seems to be moving very well already! How can move better than moving? Also, what does being restored mean? Seems powerful and already moving and things! Perhaps means he will be more snuggly and fluffy? Or have more snax?

Ugh. Such simpletons! Very well. Classic Porokaiser will lay this out for them in very small steps for their very small minds.

One: CPK can move metal with magic.

Two: CPK is wearing metal on limbs.

Three: CPK moves limbs by moving the metal in-he means on them.

Four: Do you see CPK's armor? No. Most of it is not here. It is underneath fluff to allow CPK to move whole body. Is very uncomfy.

Five: 'Restored' means his bones are back and he is at his full power.

Five: With bones back, can properly display menacing armor with 103 spikes (he counted). Scary armor is key to scary power. Is basic logic!

Ugh. Will have to include 'ensmarten poros' in list of evil schemes for future.

[laidbacktyrant]

Confused ghost poros! Do not know what the purpose of power is! Already have snuggles, are basically power! Also, perhaps can use it to have snax? Snax are good. Are curious why he needs so many bones! Or knows which bones are good and which ones are not. Confused poro chitters!

Ugh. Has explained this already! Needs bones to move better! And for dark magic ritual to restore him. Needs power for...reasons. Important reasons. Good bones are his bones, less-good bones are other bones. Like this bone. Is long and pointy! You would think is claw, but no. Is wing bone of flappy rockbeast. Only needs a few more flappy rockbeast bones and can then have undead rockbeast minion. Is wicked overlord, so needs minions. Snax are good, though. In that his lesser kin are not wrong.