&. – i swear i lived.

❝ you have to find the things that LOVE you. run to them. there's an old saying - that which doesn't kill you makes you STRONGER, i don't believe that. i think the things that try to kill you make you angry and sad. strength comes from the good things, your FAMILY, your friends, the satisfaction of hard work. those are the things that will keep you WHOLE, those are the things to hold onto when you're b r o k e n. ❞

[laineyresauskis]

logan.

      “Trust me, I really don’t know how I stayed for that long. When I first signed up for boot camps, I thought I was going to last maybe a month.” Logan explained with a small chuckle by the end. As of right now, he’s been the most relaxed ever since he moved back. Lainey understood what he’s been going through and has been in almost the same situations. He was glad and relieved that he has met her. “I got out about six months ago. After I was discharged, I stayed in a hospital for a few months due to many therapy sessions and counseling.” He confessed, thinking it was too much, but he felt comfortable around her. “What about you? When did you get out?”

         ––––––– “ God, I feel that. I was a scrawny thing when I hit basic. I seriously thought my arms were going to fall off. Not to mention, final week? Broke my collar bone tripping down a flight of stairs. Do you know how embarrassing that was? ” She prattled on, feeling her face heat up at the memory. Stumbles had been her nickname for a full two years after the incident. It was rough. Unlike this moment, and the ease that seemed to flow when she met someone that seemed to get it. It was a reflex, to look for any notable scars. A discharge, months in hospital? Considering his face was pretty intact, it took a nanosecond for her to guess what had happened. She had the tact not to glance down, though the moment of curiosity was there. Service men and women coming back with missing parts or lead inside them wasn’t as rare as anyone logical would be comfortable with. Something that anyone that served active duty had thought about at least a handful of times. “ It’s good to see you out. Places like that... no moral in them. ” She was at a loss of what to offer really. Though she felt comfortable with Logan, she was in no position to interject herself into somewhere she may not be wanted. “ Me? Nine months or so. Knowing me, more than likely to end up back in there, but it’s fun pretending to fit in for a while. You know, getting to sleep in until a regular time and eating food that doesn’t taste like it’s made for dogs? ”

[laineyresauskis]

1/?? RELATIONSHIPS:

PAIGE & LAINEY ; EXES

[laineyresauskis]

         the time had come for one of brennan’s many smoke breaks, taking up his usual position leaning against the wall outside the tattoo shop he worked at. he’d barely managed to light the end of his cigarette before he caught sight of someone he recognized approaching. “you got that tattoo fever or is this a personal visit?” he asked, cracking a grin

             –––––––– lainey grinned, already in his line of site before she could prepare a greeting. instinctively, she pulled her bag strap higher on her shoulder and have a have hearted raise of her hand. “ personal. sort of. i think my thigh is still mad at me for what you did. ” she grinned, coming to stand at his side. lainey wasn’t a smoker, but the thought of second hand smoke had never really been a bother.

[clarkekomtrikru]

#small smiling babies spending time with each other #caroline’s head on elena’s thigh :)

[laineyresauskis]

rafkhan:

“– A horse whisperer,” Rafiq added to her jumbled analogy as a teasing joke, his lips curling upwards into a small smile. “But, no, I get what you’re trying to say. It’s a talent to be able to talk someone down. Or, rather, into something.” His head tipped as he listened to the blonde for another moment, offering an understanding nod. “In my experience, universities are always happy to get their attendance up, so it shouldn’t be hard to sort through once you get the motivation to start.”

             ––––––––– “ Horse whisperer! ” She cheered, the jumbled jargon finally coming to the correct end. “ Shit, that was killing me. Honestly, I hope you’re putting those skills to use. Not just anyone can do it. ” It was a skill she’d had to learn. Assertiveness hadn’t come easily, but Lainey liked to think she wore it well during her service. “ Hopefully. What are you doing with yourself, anyways? ”

[laineyresauskis]

ADAM.

         College at twenty-seven was an interesting move, but one that he wondered if more people should consider. “Do you think it’s lame to do what you want to do?” He asked curiously, closing his laptop to give her a small smile. “If you wanna’ go to college when you’re sixty, damn well do it. Life is too short to be worrying about feeling lame—” The words he spoke came out with a pinch of hurt, thinking about his late wife. “I think it’s a great idea.”

               –––––––– He was right, which was only more frustrating really. “ I want to, it’s just... weird, you know? The only idea of college outside of the military is like bad movies. ”

[laineyresauskis]

suttcncarter:

          “Darling,” Sutton started with a sigh. All of their lives, they had been a good advocate for educational rights for women, they themselves had shortly been giving speeches here and there, not to mention their well known seminar on gender equality and gender deconstruction. It almost felt wrong to hear a woman saying that education — at any age felt lame. Lame was definitely not the right word to use when referring to education. “Education is education, no matter if you’re seventeen, twenty-seven or seventy. It’s your right. You can be sure to find people older than you are seeking the same thing as you. If you have the means for it, then go for it. There is nothing wrong with that, foolish to think it is.”

          ––––––––– Lainey never really had a mom, but that darling seemed to hold the tone she imagined when a disappointed parent would use right before they set their idiot teenager straight. “ I know it’s stupid, I’ve just... Well, I’ve never been in that sort of environment before. I don’t know if I learn that way and I don’t wanna sink a bunch of money in only to find out that it’s not for me. ”

[laineyresauskis]

evanlourd:

Standing next to his friend, his phone and his book were stacked neatly on the counter to be used at another lunch during which he found himself in the cafe again. Evan didn’t mind the company – at least not when it was someone he actually liked – and so the loss of finishing off a few more chapters out of Of Human Bondage didn’t bother him too much. It did, however, give him ample time to watch coffee-buyers come and go and be exceedingly rude to the baristas, and as always that one particular girl seemed to arrive and deliver rudeness right on time. “You joke, but if this country were ever to actually vote on making flogging legal, I’m pretty sure she’d rush to vote in favor of it,” Evan grinned, shaking his head. 

             ––––––– Lainey laughed in response, wrinkling her nose with distaste. She hated people like that. People that fancied themselves entitled to the world. Thought they were real hot shit and could treat the working class like they didn’t matter. The same sort of women that tended to be overly gracious and thank her for her service before sniggering about a woman in the military. They were the sort of people she forced herself to laugh at. “ So would I? How else will barista’s learn? ” Her voice dripped sarcasm. “ So, you, what are you up to later? Wild weekend planned? ”

[laineyresauskis]

dilldexter:

“I’d make a pretty darn good, president, let’s be real. I’d have a monthly purge and shit. I wouldn’t be like a regular president, I’d be a cool president,” he said, hoping she’d caught onto the reference he made, giving her a pointed look as he did so.

              ––––––– “ Would you give out snacks and condoms? ” Mean Girls had been the shit when Lainey had been in high school. The iconic nature of some of the quotes made her wonder if her head would ever be free of them. Her brain could be rotting away to nothing and she would still be cursed with, on Wednesday’s we wear pink. “ I’m not totally on board with the whole mass murder things, but food and protection? Nice. ”

[laineyresauskis]

loganshepherd:

      Once the word military sprung from his lips, Logan instantly saw excitement run through Lainey. Even she had family members in a specific branch or was in one herself. It was easier to believe the first option due to the woman looking like she could run a business or be a teacher with a friendly, cheery face like hers. As she started guessing which branch he was in, he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Oh come on, I could of been a great Marine.” He said, a smile appearing on his face. “You’re correct. Go Army.” He said before disbelief covered his happy face. “Air Force, huh? That’s amazing. Thank you for your service.” He said, a phrase he knew too well. “Although, I beat you in years. I was in the Army for eleven years.”

          ––––––– “ Go army. ” She repeated back, and easy laugh on her lips. Even though they were different branches, Lainey immediately felt a little less alone in Boston. Despite the nine months she’d spent in the city, she still didn’t know many people and those she did know, very few were people she shared anything in common with. “ Eleven? Shoot, over half way to the big twenty, huh? When’d you get out? ” The big twenty, part of the reason that she left when she did. If Lainey had gotten to twelve years, there would have been too much incentive to stay the remaining eight.

[laineyresauskis]

paige.

“I mean you could pinch me but then I’d have to pinch you back and I don’t see that ending well.” They smiled softly, masking their slight panic with humor as they usually did. “Yeah, I moved here about three, almost four years ago. I’m on a talk show now, it’s on almost every tv in Boston. Pretty cool. I didn’t know you were in Boston these days either. But then again I don’t really know where you’ve been so,” they shrugged, not wanting it to sound bitter but sure it came out that way. “Did you uh, get reassigned? I didn’t know there was a base this close.” They didn’t hide the way they let their eyes moved over her, taking in all the little things they used to have so close to them. It was hard for Paige not to reach out and touch her hand or brush her hair from her face but willed themself to keep a safe distance. 

“Well I suppose this is the part where we catch up, right? I mean I always imagined seeing you again while I was wearing some Beyonce-esque dress, tits looking great and everything but of course I’m with no makeup in work out clothes. God really does love me.” They laughed softly and bit their lip for a moment. “If you’re free we can get some coffee or something?”

              –––––––– “ Not ending well for you, maybe. ” She joked, falling back into the light-hearted routine with ease. It was easier. If you pushed it down and through a little bit of snark on top it almost seemed bearable. “ Wow, maybe I ought’a actually turn mine on one of these days instead of relying on netflix. I miss a lot. ” Lainey tried not to cringe at the comment. She had no idea if the comment was made as a backhand or not, but she certainly took it as one. She hadn’t intended to cut Paige out after the break up, they tried letters and calls when Lainey could. Timezones and restrictions put more and more strain until she finally caved and accepted that trying to be in one another’s lives was just getting in the way. So she wrote her final letter and sealed that chapter off, or at least she had until it got dragged to the surface tooth and nail only moments ago. With a certain reluctance, she answered the question. “ I’m out, actually. Nine months back. ”

“ Well, you’re not looking Sasha Fierce, but you look good. You know that though, don’t know why I’m wasting breath on it. ” It was true enough and invoked and involuntary glance over from Lainey. They always did bring that out in her. Shit, she really out to get out now before she got herself in some sort of mess. “ Yeah, I got time. You got a place in mind, Superstar? ” She teased.

[laineyresauskis]

paige.

In the past few years, Paige had grown accustomed to Boston. It wasn’t that they didn’t miss California every single day but life was nice in the city. They had their friends, a stable job that despite the frustrations was pretty amazing. But there was still a sense of loneliness that came along with it. They had dated, hooked up with people but so far no one had really stuck. And Paige was okay with that, relationships had brought them great things but also immense heartbreak. It was a double edge sword as far as they saw it. 

They had just finished a morning run before work when they decided to make a quick stop at the store near their apartment to pick up a few things for lunch. It was a routine they went through every few days but today was an exception as they spotted an all too familiar face. Paige was sure their jaw had dropped to the floor and they stood across the street, staring, even as the walking signal changed and they felt someone brush past them. After a moment they managed to move their feet as they cleared their throat and finally found some words. “Either that weed I smoked last night has me still high or you’re actually standing in front of me.”

              –––––––– Lainey didn’t do uncomfortable situations well. They stirred up feelings of discomfort that she’d rather keep buried. She was calm, cool, collected. Elena Resauskis, was controlled incarnate when she was on the job. If only it was something she could apply to the rest of the aspects in her life. It would make moments like this a lot easier. They were still eye catching in a crowd, that was for sure. Lainey clocked Paige without even meaning to, her eyes drifted and then bang, there they were. History had a perverted sense of humor when it came to repeating itself. Their break up hadn’t been messy, there was no broken plates or I hate you’s, but that didn’t make it easier. She’d been relocated, Paige had a life that didn’t align with being her closeted “military wife”. So they’d done the mature thing, Lainey tried to remember being in touch with that feeling as she childishly ducked down as if she were suddenly invisible. She turned to see if she had any hope of heading the opposite direction, avoiding having to deal with this today when–

Paige noticed her in return. There was no dashing off now. She turned back, trying to smile but coming up insincere. It wasn’t that she wasn’t glad to see them. She was. She’d always hated how she left that last letter, and while she’d moved on and dated and was happy... Paige was the sort of ex that was easy to miss. And Lainey didn’t need any more confusion lately. They came closer and Lainey shuffled like she couldn’t decide what to do with her feet. “ I’d pinch you, but I’m pretty sure that’s for dreams rather than drug hazes. I didn’t know you were in Boston these days. ”

[mikaelsonsarchive]

Lesbian friend necklace. ‘Cause we’re freaky like that.

[anissagraces]

[laineyresauskis]

dilldexter:

He furrowed his brows at the blonde, turned towards her and said, “Why? ‘cause you didn’t do it the way most people did it? Fuck that, man. Everyone goes at a different pace. And some have to take detours and shit. If you ask me, what you’re trying to do is kind of cool. Most people wouldn’t think about this stuff, but you are.” He nodded. “Hashtag Dexter for President.”

       ––––––– It was a flurry of words to get all at once, still, Lainey couldn’t help but crack a grin. “ You don’t want to be President, aging like the devil himself’s got your ankle would be a shame. ”

[laineyresauskis]

rafkhan:

“Well, at least when it comes to the fear of higher education.” He chuckled along with the other, shaking his head slowly. Admittedly, Rafiq wasn’t the most adventurous, but when it came to leaps into monotonous tasks, he was always there to push his friends in the right direction. “Oh, that’s impressive. How much more schooling do you think it’ll take?”

        ––––––– “ Still, it’s like being a dog whisperer- ghost whisperer? Something whisperer. ” She stumbled, still smiling. Lainey should have just stuck out another four years, at least she would have walked out with the full degree. But if she’d stayed another four, she would only have to serve another eight before retiring and the temptation to stay would have been too strong. Not to mention it was a bad time to be in the military with the world going to shit, and what not. “ I’m not sure honestly, I have a mountain of paperwork to go through and then I have to talk to the school and all that. Hopefully not long. ”

[laineyresauskis]

loganshepherd:

      When Logan replied to the woman’s words, he knew he was all in. He started up a conversation because they had something in common - not attending college like the rest of their friends did. He was glad he wasn’t alone. “The military. After graduating high school, I wanted to make a change and enlisted into the Army.” He stated, his grin never leaving his side. When she introduced herself to him, his grin grew into a smile. “Lainey, it’s a pleasure. I’m Logan, Logan Shepherd.”

           ––––––– Lainey never fit in particularly well. As a child, her home life was toxic and that prevented her ability to relate and feel comfortable with others. Now that she was older and more matured, she found that the time she’d served was another roadblock between herself and the rest of the world. She tried to hard to compensate and often over shot, but the moment he said military, that pressure seemed to release and unwind in her chest. Someone like her. “ Military? Which- no wait, let me guess... ” She rattled off cheerfully, wrinkling her nose as she surveyed his face. “ You’re not a Marine. ” She guessed, clicking her tongue. “ Gotta be army, right? I was AF, eight years. ” Seeming to remember her manners, she released hand shake with a friendly nod.