The Lair Bitch Project

A negativity blog with hints of hope

[lairbitchproject]

Inadequate

Waste

[lairbitchproject]

That feel when you see your reflection and realize what a dirt-poor, lazy, malicious, cowardly, fat, ugly slob you are

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I no longer have any desire to get better.

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I'm honestly a little worried--like 15 percent--that I might not make it through the next eight days.

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Finding out that I'm the toxic friend

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The world needs love but I have none to give

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Time to admit to myself that I'm a really shitty friend and a shallow, self-centered person. And that I don't know how to fix it. And the therapists don't know how to fix it. I don't think I really WANT to fix it. I want to just be better, not go through the process of becoming better. And being a shitty person drives away everyone in your life. And then what reason is there to get better? Relationships with other humans are all that really matters, and if you don't believe that then I'm willing to bet you haven't spent much time suffering from loneliness.

This blog is not helping anyone, but it does keep my rants from being posted somewhere public. And I still kind of hope that someone will find it. If nothing else, it'd go great with a suicide note. It would shed a lot of light on my situation.

Okay, not funny, I know. A little funny. I think gallows humor is hilarious, but I've done shabby ventriloquism with more than one corpse, pretending it's talking to my EMS partners while we do CPR on it. Learned that from a paramedic. It's great stress relief, just don't let the patient's family find out!

[lairbitchproject]

Well that last one just now was ugly

I think it's good to have a rant blog so people who know me don't see this stuff, but perhaps I should start making the bad ones private. That way I don't forget them, but they won't influence anyone in a bad way. Because I can't see how these negativity posts benefit anyone else...unless they just reassure someone that other people have really, really bad moments too.

[lairbitchproject]

Fuck you humanity. Fuck the whole concept of you. Could not one of you out of billions have loved me with the kind of deep love I'm capable of? Couldn't at least one of you have tried to share it? Even just a family member?

I don't want any more of this. I just have to find the courage to get out. I know they say you have to love to be loved, but how many times do you try before you stop believing in love? It's not about love, it's about whose personality is the strongest. And I lost. The meek shall inherit dirt. Fuck this.

[lairbitchproject]

Things will get better when the weather warms up. You won't feel this bad forever. Don't listen to the voices that say you might as well end it.

-from your true love (aka yourself]

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Someone outside of America please remind me that it’s not this bad everywhere.

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Message delays?

I sure hope not.

Tumblr, don't you fuck me now

[lairbitchproject]

Sure, I know that if you want to express something to another person, you should tell them: exactly that thing, in the nicest manner possible. "Say what you mean," the expression goes.

I'm sure I heard that phrase well throughout my childhood, so it didn't take me long to learn the concept. Let's say I knew it when I was between five and ten years old. It took me a good fifteen to twenty years to understand it. It took at least three more to start putting it into practice, and only online with people who have no knowledge of my past. I am thirty now.

So whatever you may be learning, I for one think you're doing great. If you don't "get it" yet, keep trying!

[lairbitchproject]

Dreamed about my parents again

(For like the 15th time) Except this time while I was loudly airing my grievances to them, they turned into different people: my dad became this guy I worked with years ago who I perceived as being goofy and oblivious to the world around him. Mom turned into this woman from a meme I keep seeing. In true dreamer fashion, I even commented that they couldn't be my parents and that it must be a dream even though I felt absolutely certain that it was all real.

So I'm subconsciously turning my toxic ex-parents into jokes now. That's got to be progress of some kind!

[lairbitchproject]

I didn’t ask to be here, World...so today I continue to ignore you and try my best to live well.  I’ve heard that’s a great form of revenge

[lairbitchproject]

There is no place in this world for the meek

"The meek shall inherit the earth" means the meek will inherit dirt, not the world

And that's how I woke up good morning

[anideaphora]

And this, people of the internets, is just one more reason to love him. Mr. Rogers gives me LIFE.

[lairbitchproject]

Let’s alleviate the negativity on this blog a little, bc if other people are gonna start seeing this blog then it’s not the best idea for it to just be me venting negative thoughts.

I didn’t fact check this quote but it sounds like genuine Mr. Rogers, and even if it isn’t, he would approve of it.  He would look at it and smile and, whoever put this quote on this picture, he’d tell them how proud he was that they made it