I think it's so tragic (and lowkey scary) how Chrollo's history is in a way repeating (or at least echoing) itself in the latest chapters
Chrollo has once again lost someone dear to him in a brutal, senseless murder. Said loved one(s) were, just like Sarasa, put up on display and made a mockery of by their murderer.
As a result Chrollo is once again willing to cast aside everything in order to pursue revenge (and also to protect his friends from a very real threat, tbf!)
Chrollo gave up his hopes, dreams, morals and personhood in his hunt for Sarasa's murderers. He became a monster because of it, became the antithesis of who he used to be. Now he's potentially discarding what he's got left (that is, his life) in pursuit of Shal and Kortopi's killer.
He is (as far as we've been shown) the PT member most drastically (read destructively) affected by the death of Kortopi and Shalnark, just like Sarasa's death altered him more than his friends. In both cases it's due to a sense of responsibility for their deaths, and to feeling the need to shoulder most of the burden himself, emotional or otherwise.
But it's also because Chrollo – in spite of how much he's altered and suppressed/repressed and discarded since childhood – is still intensely sensitive, emotional and caring. At least where his friends are concerned. That has never changed.
He still feels just as deeply as he did when Sarasa was murdered.
But his tragedy (one of many tbh) is that he holds his immense grief (and most human emotions) firmly within himself. Doesn't open up to anyone.
He carries the contents of the horrific notes with him still, unshared. He carries his pain over his dead friends/family silently (though his friends are all well aware of it in spite of his attempts to be the aloof leader and symbol). He carries a plan for getting rid of Hisoka, also seemingly unshared. One that might potentially mean his own death.
This tendency to shoulder everything himself is the legacy of grooming and early responsibility (responsibility of the kind much too heavy for a child).
I don't know, Black Whale!Chrollo just reminds me of Flashback!Chrollo in a manner that hurts me deeply dhdjfj. I worry about my murderous man. And so do his friends/family. They know he's heading down another extremely dangerous path right now, and that he's determined to do so alone. Once again intending to take the biggest blow
Death flags are seemingly waving all around Chrollo right now.
But I'm wondering if said death (if it does come to pass) will come in the form of Chrollo's physical demise, or the Spider's. The latter would, for Chrollo, be just as much of a death as the former (and imo narratively so much more interesting... also preferable because I just don’t want Chrollo to vanish from the story completely and forever. I'd rather he be on page and suffering than not on page (dead) and not suffering b/c I'm a greedy hoe)
