lucyfcr:
“ uh, this is the clueless card, not the innocent one. we both know i gave up my right to the innocent card a while ago. i can’t really pull off that look anymore. and look, inanimate things like grey sweatpants don’t really make an impression on me. a nice ass, however — now that’s a whole different story. although i should probably take that compliment back, now that you’ve called my snap game weak. honestly, if you’re not going to be appreciative of what i send your way, then i might as well not send you anything ever again. good luck finding someone else to provide you with quality snapchat entertainment for the rest of your life. no one can use filters like i can, i’ll tell you that much. — as for the gold digger, unlike you, i’ve stopped being surprised by her everyday actions. at this point, as much as i hate every little thing she does, i’m no longer really surprised by the fact that she barely wears clothes, that the only things she ingests are frozen margaritas and green juice, that she refers to anyone with a service job as ‘the help’ and that she’s only happy when she’s either just gotten new boobs or a brand new unlimited credit card. at this point i’d rather invest my energy in something that’s worth my while. like getting one of the uniforms the servers’ll be wearing and using it to either sneak some canapés to the guards by our gate, get a fellow server in trouble with the hosts, or get a married person in trouble with their partner. older people are into being sneaky in closets and pantries, right? worst case if they’re not into it, i’m sure you are, so i can just sneak you into a closet or something. you wearing a server outfit could totally do it for me, now that i’m really thinking about it. we could make that your christmas pardon for ruining last year’s dress. you know, given that it was the only dress i’ve actually ever liked. and then you not ruining this year’s dress can be your way of making up for all of the other dresses i didn’t care too much about during the past few years. i typically drive a pretty hard bargain, but i feel like i’m being pretty fair right now. — so i’m just going to casually seal this deal with a quick kiss, just to make sure we both really remember the arrangement down the road. ”
‘ your innocent card may have been revoked, but you do pull off a wicked puppy dog face.. which, in the right situation, could totally be taken as innocent by unbeknownst passers by. speaking of cards, the ‘no takebacks’ card is always in play on our table, so my fantastic ass and i will take that compliment and run with it.. but we might just run back to quickly admit that you do, in fact, send some pretty quality snaps.. and that our 200+ day streak is an untouchable gift in this dark, grim world. – listen, the gold digger just isn’t on my radar as much as she is yours, i suppose. don’t get me wrong, i am fully aware of her shit and have the deepest sympathy for the fact that you have to suffer through it… but she stopped being hot after i heard her speak, and i hate the attention she gives me, so i try my very best to ignore her. though, to be fair, i’m also only happy after a fresh boob job, so. as far as trouble goes, that will be easy for us to find, fear not; and all of those ideas are fantastic.. but that last one sounds especially enticing. i like where your head’s at, luce. who knew that all this time i just needed to hop into a coat with tails and carry around champagne. i’ve been so close to hitting that mark for years now – you have my word that i can pull through on my repentance if that’s what you ask of me. i was feeling pretty shitty about the dresses, but this seems like a pretty enjoyable fix to all of our past vera wang wrongs. very very fair. also.. if we would have been sealing our promises like this since we were 13, a lot of our trials and tribulations could have been avoided. don’t think i’ll forget this arrangement.. as long as you don’t forget that this is a fantastic way to get what you want from here on out. ‘








