About three weeks ago, during our Cebu trip, my phone died. It was accidentally submerged under sea water and it won’t turn on anymore. Surprisingly, during the incident, I was not worried about it at all. When we got back to Manila, we brought it to the service center and I happily waited and I didn’t mind the inconvenience because I was confident that it can still be fixed.
After about three weeks of waiting, we finally got a call from the service center. I expected that they were calling to inform us that the phone was ready for pickup, but that was not what happened. Instead, they called to inform us that it’s rather hopeless to try and fix the phone because even if they try to, there is no assurance that the phone will survive. Plus, replacing the parts will cost me a lot of money so I might as well just buy a new one. Then, frustration started kicking in. Thoughts like “I should’ve done this, I should’ve been more responsible” and “If only I didn’t do this then I would still probably have my phone” started to enter my mind. I got so irritated with myself that I nearly cried. (I know, I know, crying over a gadget is so immature I am so sorry LOL). I was frustrated not only because I knew that I could’ve prevented the accident, but also because I felt stupid for not acting on it.
During my crying/tantrum episodes, I could hear “What is God trying to teach me here” at the back of my head. I knew I had to handle the situation in a mature manner but I just can’t help but be very emotional and be very immature about it so I ignored the “what is God trying to teach me here” idea and focused on my frustration. But after many attempts of trying to ignore the idea, I finally gave in. I paused and asked “Yeah Lord, what are You trying to teach me here, really?” I decided to seek for an answer and spent time with God. I opened my devotional book and the topic was about Meekness.
Upon reading the whole devotional and after praying about the situation, God cleared my head and made me realize a few things:
1. Surely, it is easy to trust what is certain. Real test of faith is learning to hold on and trust even when things are uncertain.
Maybe that was why it was easy for me to be patient when I still believed that my phone can still be fixed. But when they said they were not sure anymore, I lost hope. They said they could try but they couldn’t guarantee it. I was so annoyed by the fact that they couldn’t give me something definite to hope for that I felt like I needed to eliminate the uncertainty and was already resorting to replacing the phone with a new one right away without even waiting to see if there’s hope for the old one. In my impatience, I realized: Do we only trust God when things are certain? When things start to seem shaky and unsure, do we push God aside and take matters into our own hands, believing we can do better than Him? Are we only willing to wait if there’s an assurance? If we need certainty before we can trust, that’s not faith anymore, is it?
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1 NIV)
2. Meekness is not weakness.
You know personally, I can’t recall a time when God dealt with something in my life that turned out to be negative or bad for me. It has always been for my good and what’s best for me. So I really believe that there is strength in learning how to accept God’s dealings as good and always good, even when it doesn’t “feel” good. Remember that just because we feel it doesn’t mean that it’s true. To trust meekly is to say, “Okay Lord, whatever You’re doing, I accept it without dispute or resisting. I know You know what You’re doing and I am choosing to trust You. I know it won’t always be easy to trust so I’m making a choice to turn my eyes upon who You are.”
W.E. Vine said “Meekness is an attitude toward God in which we accept His dealings with us as good, and therefore without disputing or resisting.”
So, with that in mind, I surrendered. I knew God was dealing with something in me that is more than losing a gadget. I knew that He saw something in my heart that needs to be improved. But because I know He loves me and He only wants what’s best for me, I surrendered to whatever it was that He was doing at that time. True enough, He really was up to something. Between my impatient rants and my parents’ repetitive reminders of “Napakaliit ng faith mo (your faith is so little)”, God revealed to me that I was struggling with trusting Him boldly and completely. If I can’t even trust God with a petty gadget, how can I trust Him with bigger matters? If I can’t even choose to believe in the small things, how can I believe in the bigger things?
Going back to my story, the service center said it was better if I just buy a new phone because trying to fix it will be just a waste of money. Then, after a few days of reflecting on what God was trying to teach me, they called back again to tell us a completely different news. They said that the phone can still be fixed, they will replace the parts that were broken, all of those will be covered by the warranty, and the phone will be as good as new. Albert Einstein said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” What happened was definitely a miracle.
To update, I now have my phone back and it really is good as new. Amazing. God was probably just waiting for me to learn what He was trying to teach me. He needed to fix my heart first.
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