Hiking in the eastern states: One mile straight uphill, 750ft elevation gain. No switchbacks. Dig a cathole and die in it like a man.
Hiking in the midwest: Hey girlie don't worry! We saw you might have to do 100ft of elevation gain in a mile, so we added a half mile switchback! Also, we have posts every 60 ft telling you you're still on the right trail, and each one has a coupon for search and rescue in case you get too tiwed! Don't forget your free ticks!
Hiking in the southwest: hope you like sun and rocks





















