And the snakes start to sing

dramione/daphmione

[rudamaruda520]

Hermione: Guys... I was fooling around in restricted section and one book sort of transported me to a different universe for a bit-

Harry and Ron: What?!

Hermione: And our lives are like a really popular book series right there AND people write A LOT of fanfics about us...

Harry and Ron: WHAT?!

Hermione: Aaaand... you and me Harry are paired with Malfoy a lot. And I mean A LOT.

Ron: huh...

Hermione: What is it, Ron?

Ron: oh, you know... I just think they forgot about someone...

Hermione and Harry: ??

Ron: Don't you think me and Malfoy wouldn't hit hard? Just saying.

[lass-in-green]

Hermione: *smiles*

Draco: *blushes*

Draco: *slams hand on the table* that's it, I'm killing her.

Blaise: or you can man up and ask her out.

Draco: k-killing… is easier.

[lass-in-green]

Hermione: Hey, wanna have sex?

Draco: I have Garrotting Gas in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and throw it at me because I've obvious gone crazy.

[lass-in-green]

Draco: and that's my wife, Hermione.

Draco: *smiling to himself*

Blaise: are you smiling because you called her your wife?

Draco: *still smiling* yes…

[lass-in-green]

Hermione: What should I be for Halloween?

Draco: My girlfriend

Draco: Well no I'm joking

Draco: … Unless

Hermione: That's not scary

Ron: It's for me. It's my nightmare.

[lass-in-green]

Draco, talking about Hermione: I should warn you, I'm not very good at keeping secrets from her. She has been known for using physical torture.

Blaise: you mean she tickles you.

Draco: as I said, physical torture.

[lass-in-green]

Draco: huh, Granger, can't find a boyfriend for the ball?

Hermione: shut up, you're probably without a partner too

Draco: for your information, I can ask anyone and they'll agree

Hermione: really? why don't you ask me then?

Draco: why don't you ask me by yourself, Granger?

Hermione: scared, Malfoy?

Draco: you wish, Granger

Hermione: pff, meet you at 5

Draco: wear something white so that we match, it shouldn't be hard for you

Hermione: fine

Draco: fine

Ron: I'm not fine…

[lass-in-green]

Hermione: Stop it, Draco. You are ruining my reputation.

Draco: Then get out of my lap.

Hermione: No.

[lass-in-green]

Harry: How was your honeymoon?

Hermione: Draco got drunk and tried to burn the marriage certificate, muttering, "now try to get me back without a check."

[lass-in-green]

Hermione, whispering: We need to be careful, Draco, no one knows we're dating yet.

Blaise, passing by: Yes we do!

[lass-in-green]

Draco: [about the state of his relationship with Hermione] Our hands touched.

Blaise: Holy shit. Did you use protection?

[lass-in-green]

Draco: What a shame! There's only one bed here, we'll have to sleep together.

Hermione: But there are two-

Draco: *sets fire to one of the beds*

Draco: what a shame! There's only one bed here.

[lass-in-green]

Hermione: Draco sometimes talks in his sleep. It's adorable.

Draco, asleep: Fight me… you arse… square up… I'll hurt you…

[lass-in-green]

Draco: I am God.

Ron: You shouted "shut up" to the thunder and it stopped. It's just a coincidence. You don't have the strength and the power.

Theo: Shut up. He's a god.

[lass-in-green]

Hermione: [To Draco] Where will we go?

Ron: I hear hell is particularly nice at this time of year.

[lass-in-green]

Hermione: *shouts at Ron and Harry*

Theo: Is there anything we should do?

Blaise: Yes, don't piss Hermione off anymore.

[lass-in-green]

*Draco comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in Hermione's bedroom*

Hermione: Babe, are you… coming to bed?

Draco: No thank you, I'm sure you're lovely but I have a girlfriend.

Draco: *Lies on the ground and falls asleep*

Hermione: …