[as-if-and-only-if]

jack of all trades, master also of all those trades. no prablem 👌

[zybilna]

White boy CONFUSES Mexican restaurant staff by ordering in perfect Mandarin.

[frawgs]

putting ketchup on fries is too permanent for me … i have to dip . i control the sauce

[kinktendo-shamecube-is-dead]

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

always some new bullshit in the ocean

[local-demon-in-your-area]

Why is it always orcas or dolphins

Why can't a salmon do some bullshit for once

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

worry not ☝️ they're doing coke

[red-garden]

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

[fairycosmos]

you couldnt imagine what it was like to be 10 years old and listen to radioactive by imagine dragons

[fairycosmos]

its … it’s almost like it was enough to make your systems blow

[bnq]

evereybody come over we”re

[wingdingle]

attention to all dashcon attendees

someone urinated into the ballpit while it was empty and posted it in the tag

stay out of the ballpit

[wingdingle]

there are people who think this is a joke

this is not a joke

please stay out of the ballpit for the safety of your health

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[alisonzai]

[breezybeej]

hey has anyone found a way to act on your desires without opening yourself to failure

[gingik]

[jewfrogs]

falling asleep during the day: slipping away on a clouds so easy

falling asleep at night: I heard an ant gasp downstairs

[woodsdyke]

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

[fairycosmos]

my dead wife. the ad free internet

[everydaylouie]

cat game

[swishersposts]

artists fuck better because we turn sex into art, masterpieces, mattresses become canvases where we can paint our love to someone with bodies.

[zsnes]

its like, impossible to come up with anything funnier than the experience of seeing this post

[targuzzler-deactivated20180224]

pharoahs fuck better because they ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh put the pussy in a scarmophogoghs

[doeberman-deactivated20210530]

wait babe before we move on i need to break every barrel in this room to check for hidden items