I AM DEVIANT.

ok. i’m ok. i was connected to it’s memory. when it fired, i felt it die, like i was dying   –   i was scared. ind. headcanon based & selective connor / rk800 roleplay blog from detroit: become human.written by autumn.

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‘ i don’t believe i said anything. ’ he furrows his brow. ‘ did i? ’

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leadjericho:

HE’D  BE  LYING   if  he  said  he   wasn’t   avoiding  him.  burying  himself  in  his   work , more  so  than  necessary,   claiming  to  do  so  in  the  name  of  his  duty  as  steadfast  leader  of  a  restless society  and  blaming  the  nights  of  dissociation  on  jericho’s entirety rather than it’s one criminal member.

seeing  connor  here  where  no  bustling  crowd  mediates  their  cautious  gazes  places  him  back  in  the  scene  he  so  desperately  tries  to  forget.  the climax  of  an act,  best  described as  a  boiling  over   of    harshly  cut  words   &   what  he  knows  were  selfish  concern.   is  this  what  it  means  to  be   human,  he  wonders  ?  to  be  haunted  like  he  always  is  of   heated  exchange  ?   to  regret,  to  avoid,  to  cower  ? 

no.   not  again.   in  his  own  attempt  evade,  he  quickly  decides against  himself to  confront,  catching  familiar  hand  abruptly  before  fully  passing  known  figure.  it’s  an  action  out  of  impulse,  the  only  thing  being  acted  upon  being  his  love  for  the  other.  it is  the driving force for all that he does, even as he takes  breath in the  silence  held  in  the  hand he  has  seized.  the  pinch  of  somber  features,  the  look  of  true  anguish  matching  an  action  of  painful   compassion.  only  a  name  crawls  to  tongue  and  it   tumbles  out  earnestly,    yearningly      ❝   ––––––––    connor.    ❞

he had said it once: that statistically, there’s always a chance for the unlikely to happen. he’d said so before marching into a den of wolves prepared not to tare him limb from limb, but to fashion him once more into a weapon to do so to others. of course there had been a chance that markus would seek conversation – or further confrontation, if that is what this is to be – but connor hadn’t expected the slim chance to become an actuality. he steadies himself, forcing a single breath through his artificial lungs. 

‘ markus. ’ he responds, sounding very much half as confident as he’s known to sound when faced with stressful situations. he was built for high stress situations. but he’s learning, as time progresses, that there is a difference between the stress of talking down a dangerous person on a roof and confronting an issue with one of the people you most cherish. one is considerably more difficult than the other to parse, and connor has never failed talking someone down from a roof before. he fears failing at this far more. ‘ – are you not busy? i do not want to stall you, if you are en route to something important. ’

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i missed munday bc i was so busy but here's these tired joth looks before i mcfuckn sleep

[snowangelalbum]

hey if ur lgbt rb this with ur orientation and ur fave soda

[artifexes-deactivated20180915]

hey guys please block @ax700 for anti-semitism and n*zi support/sympathy. n*zi’s are a real fucking threat to my people and culture, you insensitive bitch. since apparently you can’t get that through your fucking head, i’m going to take the time to educate you ignorant goy, so be thankful. 

n*zi’s are not an au or a fun trope. they’re harmful, despicable people who actively pose a threat to society. do not write n*zi’s. it’s not cool or edgy and it makes you a terrible person.

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human au connor has a whole timeline in my head from HS to Functional Adulthood where he’s a uni professor teaching criminal psychology and i want 2 share this fun ADULT HUMAN CONNOR MOOD with you:

uni freshmen/sophmores walking into their first criminal psych class thinking its gonna be terrifying and hard but then mr. dr. professor connor anderson walks into the class w sunglasses on and the first thing he says to his terrified students is “heard there were a lot of bright students in this class”

( inspo from twitter )

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kmskis:

   HE GIVES A PLEASED HUM , reaches out to softly run his thumb over the LED . “ beautiful , “ he muses . eyes gaze from intense red to confused browns . his head tilts slightly to the right .   “ is that why you’re afraid ? PAIN ? does it not hurt to exist ? “  

      “ tell me , what did you think of dying before you knew what it was like ? run analysis && compare . ”   the command rolls easily from keen lips && fingers hesitantly trail away from the indicator and down to take hold of his chin , gently nudging his face  to the side .  piercing stare wanders over artificial features , takes in ersatz biology .  

     the maker  && his machine . living , breathing , ALIVE . at last .

    he turns the face in his hands over , inevitably drawn back to the diode embedded in the androids temple .  A SMILE TUGS AT HIS LIPS . “ empathy , connor . humanity’s greatest flaw && determinant . “ from the very beginning  ,  all he had was a vision .  hope . an IDEA . && how it spread so ardently . it will be his legacy now   —   this is his creation .

a hundred emotions he scarcely has the name for run through his brain at the conflicting circumstances of this situation: there’s delight, that much he can admit – he’s learned that, at the end of the day, he’s very easy to please. that much seems to be consistent across all of his interactions; deviant he may be, but garnering praise from those around him will always be a pleasant experience, even if it is not the core of his function any longer. but there is also fear, because the way kamski looks at him is akin to the way connor imagines a feral cat looks at an injured bird in the road. 

though he doesn’t need to, connor inhales sharply as he processes the command given to him. he doesn’t have to heed the command, and perhaps he shouldn’t. but defiance for the sake of it isn’t what connor feels free will is about, in his short experience of having it: rather, to connor, it seems free will is very much about having choices and making them one way or the other, with preference paid to ones own interests or the interests of others they care for. it’s about knowing you have choices, and truly deciding between them on your own. 

like, for example, connor choosing to obey the command of a very dangerous man for the sheer fact that he wants to know where this line of inquiry will go.

‘ i didn’t think anything about dying before. i had no need to. my function existed primarily to hunt deviants, which was itself considered a high-risk function, but on a secondary level i was expected to value the lives of human beings over my own whenever possible within the confines of my mission. and even beyond that – were my body damaged beyond repair, the entire system could easily be replaced, so there was little to be concerned over in regards to my own wellbeing – ’ 

he pauses mid-thought, then blinks, brows pinching together once more. 

‘ – now, i am uncertain if that remains true, and it is.. frightening. while many vital biocomponants within the RK line are interchangeable with other models of android, which markus can attest to moreso than myself, there are also many that are not. there are many pieces to myself and markus that are unique to our design... ’

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‘ I AM A DUMB BITCH WITH TERRIBLE TASTE. i will never change. i will never improve. that is a promise. ’

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connor is cognizant of the fact that he does not feel in necessarily the same way a human would from physical contact, despite lacking a personal reference point for that fact; where a human might note the softness of the other person skin, connor instead is met with simply the feeling that something is touching him and that he must quickly assess said thing’s threat level in order to maintain himself and his safety. 

he’s able to override the blaring siren inside his head that tells him he should stride away a polite distance before continuing this conversation, which is both a blessing and a curse.

free will. it’s a difficult thing. but that’s why he’s here, isn’t it?

‘ i don’t- i don’t know. ’ he’s as perplexed by his own fear as he has always been by the same fear in others of his kind; his code had afforded him the conversational inputs for interrogating deviants, but not the means to understand their fears. a greedy part of him had hoped that perhaps, in his own deviance, he would find answers, but he’s only managed to form more questions. ‘ i felt it once. i don’t want to again. it was... i was scared. it was... ’

he furrows his brow. 

...had it been painful? his LED flashes red as he tries to reconcile all possible definitions of pain with his experience of death through the senses of another android. it stays red for a long time. his eyes move to look at the floor. he’s been given a mantra that says androids don’t feel pain for so long, and has known that to be true as well: he’s been damaged in various ways since his creation, after all, but – 

‘ i think i felt... ’ he looks back up. ‘ ...it hurt. i don’t know. ’ / @kmskis. response to.

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okay. i’m ok. i was connected to it’s memory. when it fired, i felt it die like i was dying. i was scared. / ind. c*nnor rp from d*troit: b*come h*man. 

PERSONAL BLOGS D//ONT RE//BLOG / LIKE / INTERACT.

[kmskis-blog]

   do YOU live in fear that your creator is disappointed with you and your decisions ?? do YOU have a knack for highly intelligent geniuses with extremely shady secret agendas ?? do YOU just adore hedonistic android-makers who seemingly care about no one but themselves ?? do YOU absolutely love it when the only way to impress your god is to develop free will and a soul ??

                     THEN @kmskis IS THE BLOG FOR YOU !! 

independent , private , && mutually exclusive elijah kamski from d:bh . written by mango . LIKE or REBLOG this if you’re interested and to spread to word !!

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thank u tumblr user @kmskis for my life

[kitmemes]

WILL  HE  ——    ❛  i’ve  got  knots  all  up  in  my  chest .  ❜    ❛  just  know  i’m  trying  my  best .  ❜    ❛  now  i’m  sad  &&  i’m  a  mess .  ❜    ❛  will  your  tongue  still  remember  the  taste  of  my  lips ?  ❜    ❛  will  your  lover  caress  you  the  way  that  i  did ?   ❜    ❛  i  don’t  need  to  know .  ❜    ❛  i  just  wanna  make  sure  you’re  okay .  ❜    ❛  i  just  wanna  make  sure  you’re  all  safe .  ❜    ❛  will  he  play  you  those  songs  just  the  way  that  i  did ?  ❜    ❛  will  he  treat  you  like  shit  just  the  way  that  i  did ?  ❜ PILLS  ——    ❛  please  don’t  run  away .  ❜    ❛  where’d  you  go ?  ❜    ❛  i  thought  we’d  last  forever .  ❜    ❛  i  need  you  back .  ❜    ❛  i  don’t  know  why  i  feel  this  way .  ❜ DEMONS  ——    ❛  they’re  taking  my  heart  now .  ❜    ❛  my  demons  told  me  everything they  whisper  in  the  night .  ❜    ❛  this  is  not  a  threat ,  i  promise .  ❜    ❛  it’s  a  warning ,  baby ,  i  just  want  you  to  know .  ❜    ❛  i’m  behaving  myself .  ❜    ❛  we  don’t  gotta  die  so  soon .  ❜    ❛  please  just  let  me  go .  ❜    ❛  i’ve  seen  enough .  ❜ WINDOW  ——    ❛  i  see  nothing  out  the  window .  ❜    ❛  watching  all  the  leaves  grow .  ❜    ❛  it  feels  better  in  my  dreams ,  though .  ❜    ❛  the  sun  will  shine  no  more .  ❜    ❛  i’ve  been  holding  on  too  long .  ❜    ❛  i  just  wanna  sleep  forever .  ❜    ❛  just  leave  me ,  forever .  ❜    ❛  i  don’t  need  an  antidote .  ❜    ❛  we  don’t  wanna  drive  slow .  ❜    ❛  speed  up  with  our  eyes  closed .  ❜ BITTER  FUCK  ——    ❛  i  find  it  hard  to  be  myself .  ❜    ❛  i  shed  my  skin  for  everybody  else .  ❜    ❛  you  made  me  sad  &&  you  made  me  mean .  ❜    ❛  now  i’m  mad .  ❜    ❛  i  feel  unclean .  ❜    ❛  you  made  me  a  bitter  fuck .  ❜    ❛  they  call  me  a  bitter  fuck .  ❜    ❛  now  i’m  a  bitter  fuck ,  because  of  you .  ❜    ❛  your  bitch  just  came  all  over  me .  ❜    ❛  i  won’t  fuck  with  you  if  you  don’t  fuck  with  me .  ❜    ❛  i  don’t  give  a  fuck .  ❜ WORLDSTAR  MONEY  ( INTERLUDE )  ——    ❛  don’t  hate  me .  ❜    ❛  am  i  crazy ?  ❜    ❛  so  tenderly ,  you  watch  me  burn .  ❜    ❛  i  don’t  wanna  die .  ❜ PLASTIC  TASTE  ——    ❛  i  can’t  do  this  face  -  to  -  face .  ❜    ❛  i’ll  admit  that  i’m  afraid .  ❜    ❛  let  these  moments  go  to  waste .  ❜    ❛  excuse  me  for  my  plastic  taste .  ❜ I  DON’T  WANNA  WASTE  MY  TIME  ——    ❛  i  don’t  wanna  waste  my  time  if  i  can’t  be  by  your  side .  ❜    ❛  we  don’t  gotta  talk  about  nothin ’  nice  if  you  wanna  come  down .  ❜    ❛  she  don’t  gotta  know  about  nothin ’ .  ❜    ❛  if  the  stars  collide  will  she  relieve  my  soul ?  ❜    ❛  when  we  feel  alive ,  i  know  she’ll  let  me  go .  ❜    ❛  when  you  real  my  lips ,  i  know  you  feel  all  cold .  ❜    ❛  i  promise  you ,  my  heart  is  made  of  gold .  ❜    ❛  you’re  only  on  my  mind  when  i  need  you .  ❜    ❛  i  don’t  gotta  know  about  what  you  do  when  the  sun  goes  down .  ❜    ❛  i  don’t  gotta  know  about  nothin ’ .  ❜

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thread tracker lite(tm)

owed for threads: 9 owed for asks: 16 owed for starters: 8

i currently owe replies to:   @313248317-87 @edensinned @hyperioncompanyman @choiicemade @artificialmother @ltdrunkagain @thekingsshield @barbiemade & @leadjericho

if you aren’t on the above list, i don’t think i owe for you but you’re always free to correct me!

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' – you cannot insist on attempting to stop me every time i attempt to follow suit on our mission. i am going to do as ordered. ’ RK800′s vision narrows as he takes in the image before him: connor, hand outstretched to grab hold of a rogue AC700 model. 

‘ step aside now, connor. any further attempt at interfacing with that deviant on your part will result in your eradication as well. your memories are uploaded to all connor models. the virus cannot be allowed to spread. ’ / @chosedeviant​. call.

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' it is a relief to find the atmosphere here so... warm. ’ there is the ever-present fact that to many of the people of jericho, he will always be the infamous deviant hunter: for this, connor holds no grudge. he knows he has done a great deal wrong in his life, to this point. but there is also a sort of honor that comes from being allowed to stay here, to be a part of this: to watch as androids form companionships with one another, to watch as they form great loves and families of their own. connor’s own blue heart tugs him towards a human for familial comfort, but it’s no less exciting to see closeness between his own people.

‘ i think you’re very kind, simon, and that the people here take inspiration from you. i wanted to... let you know. we all follow markus, i think many of us always will. but there is something special about all of us, i think. ’ connor smiles, after an awkward moment. ‘ you included. i suppose i wanted to thank you. ’  / @roofbled. call.

[lastchanced]

‘ this is – a very confusing conversation, mr. kamski. ’ he’d come with the simple intent to check on the chloes, in the wake of markus’ demonstration and it’s aftermath. being invited to explore the premises and perhaps stay longer in order to do so was unexpected. what’s worse is that right off the bat, connor feels he’s being quizzed all over again. he furrows his brow. 

‘ – – you are difficult to read. is it by design? ’ connor sighs. ‘ ...do i need hank’s permission to stay or do i not? you’re being increasingly vague about the societal norm being enacted here. he – already knows i am here. why... do you want me to call him so badly? ’ / @ethereal-myth. based on our ims bc i’m, how the kids say, a Pro at turning crack into legitimate interaction.