MOVED !

THIS BLOG IS AN ARCHIVE ! @ LASTFULCRUM !

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THIS BLOG IS NOW AN ARCHIVE. FOLLOW ME HERE!!

[lastfulcrum-a]

THIS BLOG IS NOW AN ARCHIVE. FOLLOW ME HERE!!

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THIS BLOG IS NOW AN ARCHIVE. FOLLOW ME HERE!!

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and i have seen the bleeding, and I HATE WHAT WE’VE DONE, but just like every other fool here,

i’ll keep marching on .

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and i have seen the bleeding, and I HATE WHAT WE’VE DONE, but just like every other fool here,

i’ll keep marching on .

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psa !! this blog will soon be an archive ; i will post the link to the new one once it’s up and running !!

there is just so much going on on this blog now -- so many messy tags and pages that i need to start it fresh. once i do, i’m up for continuing any threads/plots/connections/etc. nothing else will change but the account.

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murphy.

    “Cassian.” He doesn’t know how tightly his holding him – doesn’t know if the other can actually feel it, now. He needs him to know that he’s here. That this isn’t actually a dream. Or, if it is – it’s real. It’s a real dream where he’s really here. They’re really together. That’s all that’s ever mattered, in the end – being together meant everything would work out somehow.

    “Look at me. Please.” He places a hand on his cheek, the skin scorching hot beneath his palm. Murphy can’t change what happened – and he can’t change what’s going to happen. He can only fight for them to be together, again and again –

    “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving again. I’m – you – you’re going to be okay. Please.” He doesn’t know what else to do but beg him to believe him, to beg him to understand Murphy would never, ever willingly leave the way that he did.

    “Listen to me – I’m right here. You’re going to see Lucy, and me, and – and we’re going to be okay. If you give up on this now – I – I can’t –”

    There’s a hand on his cheek -- and it’s so ground, it feels SO REAL. His breathing trembles and stutters before he’s eventually opening his eyes; relenting to Murphy’s pleas -- because he just can’t not. Not in that moment -- not when the heartbreak felt so real all over again, and he was breaking into a hundred million little pieces.      His lips part, but for the moment words do not come out -- instead, a quiet whimper does as he removes one hand from Murphy’s to instead rest it around the wrist of the one on his cheek ; soothing his fingers over where a pulse point should be -- before he was turning his head slightly to brush his lips across his palm. He felt so real -- and it made another quiet sob resound inside of him his crumbling chest.     “-- ... what if ... - what if we can’t remember each other? What if we can find each other? I don’t want to feel like THIS ever again, Murphy. I can’t -- please... -- WHY can’t we just have a happy ending? Why can’t I just HAVE YOU without the universe TAKING YOU FROM ME? I wasn’t --- afraid to die. I was ... waiting -- but now I AM. Because you’re here with me -- and I can’t .... -- ... I don’t want to wake up in another world not knowing you --”

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murphy.

    He wishes so desperately that he hadn’t come back like this – that he could have turned around and left. That he could have waited to see him again in a better place. He knows he could have. He didn’t have to come back at all. He didn’t have to – to prolong this. He made his choice, and he’d sooner rip himself apart than pull himself away from Cassian now.

    “I can’t take that back. I would if I could. I’m – I’m trying to now.”

    He can’t even cry, though his voice shatters and cracks like a broken man – he’s nothing but an echo, here.

    “Cass, you know I – I – don’t say that. Please.” He grits his teeth, knowing he’d be shaking unbearably if he was really here. Somehow, this hurts so much worse –

    “This will be over soon. I’m so sorry.”

   He’s biting down so hard on his bottom lip that it aches -- but he lets it hurt, it lets it sting as he feels the moisture continuing to build against his cheeks. His lungs feel like they’re burning, and he still doesn’t want to open his eyes -- he wants to believe this is real, and if he opens his eyes it might all dissipate like smoke. He might lose Murphy all over again -- and he wasn’t strong enough to deal with that. Not any more.     “-- I miss you, and it hurts. Life kept ... going after you died. And I couldn’t. I DIDN’T WANT TO. I tried ... I tried so hard ... - But. Lucy. You ...-- there’s nothing --” his voice breaks and dissipates into a weak coughing fit as he shakes his head slightly against the pillow.

   “... -- can you-- ... I don’t think ... I’m going to wake back up. I think ... --” He trails off, quiet for another long moment as he presses his lips against Murphy’s hand. “ -- please don’t go again.” Cassian had been IN A POSITION before where he had been DYING -- but he had never ... felt so desperate. He was lightyears away from the man that the CAPTAIN had been ... -- dying, and alone in his room with the apparition of his late husband -- he was desperate. And afraid. 

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murphy.

    Dull, aching pain twists through Murphy’s lungs – just when he thought his pain was over. His physical pain is – he’s light and weightless, only a collection of echoes from the past on the bed they once shared. While the man he married and loved and lived for is dying slowly on the bed before him.

    “I’m real,” he promises quietly. He –…he guesses Lucy’s debt was never paid off. That’s why Cassian is here, and not in a hospital. Murphy feels too defeated to even be angry at the world for allowing this to happen to Cassian; after everything they’d been through – that nothing had gotten better –

    But anger wouldn’t save or help Cassian now.

    “I’m real. Hell, Cass – I don’t understand this anymore than I ever understood anything else. I’m real. Don’t – don’t push yourself. Just rest. It’s okay.”

    Fingers lightly brush Cassian’s hair, combing it from his face as he curls his arms around the others’ shoulders, ducking his head into the back of his neck.

    “I’m not going anywhere. You know that.”

   He’s afraid to open his eyes -- afraid that the moment he does, Murphy will disappear. So, he doesn’t. Like so many times before, he merely lets Murphy’s voice and touch comfort him; even as his body trembles from something outside of his illness -- his hands tangled impossibly with Murphy’s hand.     There’s moisture on his cheeks, on his pillow -- clinging to week old stubble that he hadn’t had the strength to shave. He chokes on a breath that sounds more like a sob, pressing his forehead against Murphy’s hand -- whimpering slightly at the lack of a heartbeat.

   “-- but you did,” he whispers, feeling selfish as he does so -- his voice trembling. “You ... you died. You’re gone ... -- and I had .. to live without you. I had to FIGURE OUT how to move on without you here. Without you in my head, without you beside. I have never .... been so lonely with so many people around me. I’ve never felt so empty.”

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murphy.

   No, no, – he isn’t supposed to wake up. He isn’t supposed to see him like this. Murphy knows he’s long since faded from this world; he doesn’t feel any pain. Not any more. He’s in between drifting from this world and the next, carrying the things he’s known from this life onward to something he does not entirely understand.

   He had come to say goodbye. To make sure Cassian understood that he isn’t alone – that he won’t be alone, soon enough.

   He just had to believe he had something to wake up to when it was all over.

   “Sleep,” he says quietly. He gently squeezes Cassian’s hand, carefully pulling himself up into bed to kneel beside him. The bed does not creak and groan as it once did when Murphy dragged himself in and out of bed each night before he had died. Died too soon – left Cassian too soon.

   “I’m right here. I’m right here.” He doesn’t know how many times he has to say it – that he’s here. He’s right beside him. He always was – always will be.

   He’d go wherever Cassian went for as long as the universe would let him. For as long as he could find him when the universe didn’t let him.

     Maybe there should be some surprise that Murphy was here -- even if he wasn’t .. FULLY WITH HIM, he could feel him. And he should feel afraid -- he should feel ... something that wasn’t just the relief and COMFORT that he always felt with the other there with him.         He closes his eyes for a long moment, tugging Murphy’s hand closer to him like it was a life line, his BURNING HOT HANDS curling Murphy’s hand into himself where Murphy may or may not be able to feel the sluggish beat of his heart -- cradling it like a child would a safety object as he let himself drift for a long moment.    There’s another rattle of breath that sounded like a sigh -- and a wheeze, “I’m ... tired..” he starts, his voice hoarse, his eyes still closed and creating shadows down his face. “-- I’m tired... and sick and -- I’m dying.”    He coughs - and while it’s light and weak, it seems to take SO MUCH out of the man as his fingers tighten around Murphy’s hand. “ -- I don’t ... even know if this is real,” he breaths, still talkign to the darkness of his eyelids. “I don’t ... know if I’m trying to .. comfort myself... or -- if this is... something else about us I don’t understand, or... -- I don’t know. I... miss you, and I’m tired.”

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warren.

STARTER: (CASSIAN)

The  nights  seem  to  get  colder  the  longer  the  apocalypse  goes  on . Roberta  pulls  the  thick  blanket  over  he  shoulders  tighter  around  herself . Eyes  graze  across  the  cloudless  sky - thousands  of  stares  staring  back  at  her .  She  wondered  how  many  other  people  were  looking  at  the  same  sky  right  now -  all  just  trying  to  survive  the  night . The  crackling  fire  snaps  her  attention  and  she  drags  her  gaze  down  and  over  to  the  other  body  sat  next  to  the  fire. 

“ The  snow  will be here  soon “ 

She  studies  his  face  for  a  moment , a  smile  in  her  eyes  but  it  doesn’t  reach  the  rest  of   her  face . She  hasn’t  yet worked  out  whether  the  dropping  temperatures  was  a  good  thing  or  a  bad  thing . She  guessed  that  they’d  just  have  to  wait  and  see.   

“ Haven’t  seen  snow  since ….. before . “ 

@lastfulcrum​

He had his legs crossed beneath him -- a ratted and torn fleece blanket draped over them -- and a large, just as worse for wear parka hugging at his shoulders; all in an attempt to keep warm. He was used to the heat, at this point. The end of the world -- thus far -- had seemed to be nothing but hot ---.... until now. Now that they were further north, in hopes that they would see less of the Z’s, his body was no longer used to the winter weather.  He watches the fire, watching the orange glow lick at the night and the tendrils of smoke drifting upwards to try and dance with the sky. His lips thin as he lets his mind wander before Warren’s voice is breaking through to his thoughts, and his gaze instead moves to her. He huffs out a low breath of acknowledgement, watching as the action caused the air to turn to vapor around it. “I haven’t either,” he admitted, tucking his parka tighter around himself. “-- but, we’re gonna have to find a hell of a lot better than an open fire to keep warm once it does.”

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@messiahrisen​ ||  continued. 

There’s a wet rattle of his lungs as a cold hand wraps around his own -- his chest rising and falling; A STRUGGLE with each inhale that shook his entire frame. A frame that, at one time, had possessed such strength ; even despite injury and scars -- a frame that could carry himself strong, now lost of all strength. And it was unclear whether it was fully the sickness that ate at his veins, or meshed with the loss of Murphy -- the permeant chill in his bones eating at him and reminding of the rain that took away his husband.  Cass? Words shake his brain and make his skull split with a icy chill -- a meek and tired groan hoarse and ripped from his throat. THEY SOUND SO REAL TO HIM; they sound so clear ; they didn’t sound like memories -- and they didn’t sound like they originated in the back of his mind; fabricated from grief and not understanding why they just couldn’t have their HAPPY ENDING.  Fingers twitch -- as if rising to consciousness in itself was a struggle; his sister sleeping uneasily and restlessly on the other side of his wall. His lashes flutter, nose and eyes peaking out from beneath the blankets that sheathed him. Despite the never ending darkness in his room -- his room that was so empty, so lonely -- he could see the other like he was a beacon in the black; hands wrapped around his own -- so cold, and yet, to Cassian, it felt warm. It felt like home -- HAD HE COME TO BRING HIM HOME?            “ -- ... Murphy?”

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trick or treat 😍😍

Send ‘Trick or Treat!  🎃’ to my inbox and I’ll give you a treat!

beep boop. here!

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Closing your eyes to disappear You pray your dreams will leave you here, But still you wake and know the truth - No one's there.

                              TREAT FOR @messiahrisen​ !! 

DO NOT REBLOG UNLESS YOU’RE SAM!!

[raidstombs]

Ask Box Trick-or-Treat

Send ‘Trick or Treat!  🎃’ to my inbox and I’ll give you a treat! This could be: a promo graphic, icons, an aesthetic graphic of your muse, a drabble, a photoset of our muses together, a moodboard based on one of our threads, or some other goodie! Happy Halloween!  Let’s celebrate!

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and i have seen the bleeding, and I HATE WHAT WE’VE DONE, but just like every other fool here,

i’ll keep marching on .

[tiffsmemes]

book meme / ceremony, leslie marmon silko

people make mistakes.

are you hurt? can you stand up?

we should’ve stopped to rest sooner.

you see, there are some things worth more than money.

i’ve been doing okay.

why are you crying?

go back to sleep.

you better come inside first and have something to eat.

just tired, that’s all.

boy, they sure fixed you up good. i guess they don’t want you wandering around either.

i heard them say it.

drink it. it’s good for you. you’ll get better.

don’t lie. you knew right away.

they want you to come home. they are worried about you.

i promise i won’t mess up. honest.

there was nothing anyone could do.

easy, easy, it’s okay. don’t cry.

that was when you were still sick.

you guessed right.

when i get better, i can help you.

i never thought i would see anything so bright again.

we called for help.

nobody will ever tell you this, but you must hear it so you will understand why things are this way.

hey! i found something!

you damn your own soul better than i ever could.

i don’t know what it is, but i can feel it all around me.

you don’t like my stories, do you?

all you have to do is look around.

i think i hear a car.

why do you care what they say? let them talk.

we’ll have to do things our own way.

but they just sent you to the hospital again.

i’ll get it.

you know how people are about things like that.