Hopefully not giving myself away too much here...But let’s be honest who’s ever going to find this blog and trace it back to me? I’m sure there’s lots of people going through this and I’m sure I can play it off should it come to it haha, wish me luck if it does come to it.
You’ll notice the inventive title I’ve given is “College Work & Her”. So I’m sat in front of my MacBook at home, TV on, on my own (rarity) and I’m currently distracting myself from my work by typing this (sue me). Seen as it’s first in the title we’ll start with the College Work. I’m now two months past my due date for the end of my apprenticeship. I have a handsome sum of money waiting for me when all my work is signed off and yet I’m typing this instead of finishing the six or seven Units I have remaining. Illogical, I know. I’ve always told everyone who’s asked me that the work I do is easy but time consuming and I can’t find the motivation to complete it. That’s true. It’s also true that I’ve let myself fall behind by thinking I’m so great that I don’t need to do it now because I can finish it anytime, wrong. If you’re doing an apprenticeship always get your employer to agree to giving you the time to do the work and not distracting yourself with your job. I’ll leave that there with the thought in my mind that I really must continue with this work.
Moving on to the “Her” in the title. If you’re reading this (either an individual or me in the future) you’ve probably read the posts below this referring to the girl I totally idolise and adore (I’m not afraid to say it, well, type it in a blog no one will see). She is still brilliant, but I’m going to try to be original and not repeat the shit I’ve said in the all the other posts. For once and probably because I’m on my own thinking, this is not a late night post. We have been getting on like a house on fire. I picked her up from the Airport in the middle of the night a few weeks ago and my God was I excited to see her after returning from her holiday. I wanted to hug her and hold her but I couldn’t. We’re friends and there are certain boundaries I feel I have to adhere to. For instance, I went to her house just to hang out and I couldn’t really be with her, I just wanted to hold her but I can’t, that’s important. I opted for getting as close I could by just laying on her although I felt this was crossing the line a little and I soon sat up when she got uncomfortable. As friends we’re in a good place and I don’t want to ruin that by essential pushing my luck.
Seen as the title of the blog is Late Night Thinking I’ll refer to some late night thinking I did a couple of nights ago. I was lay in bed thinking and I thought to myself that I can’t possibly carry on as friends. It’s ridiculous and I’m just torturing myself. I wrote a text basically explaining how I felt and asking her if we should call the friendship a day and go separate ways. I’m paraphrasing but that’s the gist. I didn’t send it of course.
I was speaking to one of my close friends about her not so long ago and explaining how we are around each other. We speak a lot, almost everyday, whether it be through snapchat or text. She asks for my advice and cares what I think. We go out for food, to the cinema, I give her lifts (nights out, airport) and it’s almost like being a couple, almost. Being honest with my self I don’t think she wants it to be anything more. The friendships good, we’re good. My friend however, and he could just be telling me what I want to hear, thinks that she does. If she starts dating someone we don’t talk as much, she doesn’t quite come to me about things and I think it’s because she does have feelings, I’m just not her typical type (muscles, meat head). What I’m trying to get at is that she may have feelings but doesn’t follow through with them because we wouldn’t be this idealistic stunning couple. I could and most probably am, wrong but that’s kind of the feeling I get. She hasn’t dated someone (as far as I know and she’s normally open about it) for around seven months because as I’ve said previously they’re all morons. “Pick me, Pick me” - I wish.
I’ll look forward to meal which will give me a good taste of reality. We are nothing more than friends will be the conclusion I’ll probably draw afterwards. Another thought to justify me disagreeing with my friend is that “she” said she loved me like a brother so she doesn’t have them sorts of feelings for me. End.
...Back to the college work.
