21/05/2021 07:05AM / And you say things are good which they are, but my heart hurts uneven. Ever since they cracked my bones, a day or two ago, I’ve been feeling different. Change scares me -- it resuscitated some kind of melancholy in me. I have no way of diagnosing this little sadness, I thought it was gone for good: for the past countless yesterdays, I’d been waking up euphoric and lovable, adored, indeed I’d been intoxicated to the point of forgetting about the numbness that lives somewhere along my spine. I suppose, in the end, it helps me see all the grieving I’ve been doing behind closed doors, but it still hurts regardless of its name. And I forget that sometimes the sun goes away for seemingly no reason; like a child, I worry it will never return. These storms. I’ve always been the soft one no matter what I say. I miss him fervently. In reality, I miss them both. I just want to be safe, be okay. I contradict myself to no end, but this is just a small portion of my insanity. I can still feel his affection, this warmth, sweet kisses, even from miles away and quiet. I no longer keep myself at a distance: I am within reach, somewhere, in the darkness I stand tall. Because, in the end, I am just a girl. I am afraid. I’m just trying so hard to be good.Â
