Laura's Stories

Life stories that were written in disguise.

[laurassecretstories]

Day 214 of 2026

Then in another twist of this story, I am now in love with you. Such an odd and unexpected thing to say.

You finally told me what you truly felt and for how long. You clarified who she was in your life. It did hurt me; it stung. But you reassured me of what you feel for me now, so I chose to trust you. Was that stupid? Am I stupid to be here?

There are so many challenges in the way right now. So many eyes watching and ears listening. How could it be this messy?

I am genuinely terrified because you know how much I care for you. I feel so vulnerable; there's no way I can hide what I feel for you. All of them can tell what's happening between us.

I pray that our story ends up beautifully. But for now, all we can do is wait.

[laurassecretstories]

Day 186 of 2026

And today, I got my answer. The reason why I didn't trust everything that you showed. I was right! My gut feeling was right, it was all a show to you. You didn't mean any of it; kudos to you though, you made me believe them.

It was an answered prayer. Not even a night passed, it presented so clearly who you truly are. What a joke! I thought you were decent. It's a shame on my end because I allowed you to play me like this. Such a rookie mistake!

I am angry that I let myself hope for nothing and sad that I am now back to zero. Not that you're really this dreamy guy that's so great. It's more on my end wanting to feel loved by someone.

But you know what, thank you for the lesson. I ain't trusting you ever again.

[laurassecretstories]

Day 183 of 2026

Am I really liking someone now? Or is it just another infatuation? Everything started with jokes and harmless teases; yet now how come it's starting to feel a little bit real.

Why did you start checking up on me? If I've eaten or if I want coffee. Then the next day, you're suddenly so vocal about wanting to feed me or you're just there (what does that even mean). Others are hinting that you like me and I shall give you a chance when you haven't even told me anything yet. Also, apparently your family knows and has been talking about me. In a span of two weeks, there are so many events and hints from you, your friends and family.

I am almost sure that you actually do like me. Because why are you staring at me with that smile like you're in awe to see me? (Did you even hear what I just said? ) Why are you not letting me help carry heavy things? Which now you have to carry on your own and potentially hurt yourself. Why are you standing or sitting so far? That girl is flirting with you, yet your eyes are fixed on me. Why? I said 'love ya' to someone playfully (of course you have side comments about that), then you playfully repeated "i love you" to your guy friend while slightly looking at me. Why?

Now, why did I notice all of these? At the start, I was a little bit, dumbfounded because why you suddenly treat me differently. There's slight sweetness to it, yet I am not disgusted by it. Did I ever have feelings for you at the start? Did I really get hurt when you were feeding your ex on that big dinner with everyone? Did I get annoyed when another girl started flirting with you? Was I really disappointed that you didn't get anything for me for my birthday?

I want to know what you feel, and if our conversations will flow. But you don't reply to my messages like that. You either ghost me or leave me unread. It hurt. But this hurt, is it just because I am infatuated with the idea that you could be someone that I can be with? It seems like I barely know you as someone other than a friend. Who are you really when you like someone? I know your ex hurt you badly and you struggled to move on from her. Am I rebound to you; so you can fill that emptiness?

I do want to show you that I am considering a potential "it". But I have so many questions and reservations about what you truly feel. In all honesty, I don't trust you nor do I trust myself. Do I really like you? Or do I also just want to fill that emptiness of being single for so long? I don't know either. I'm just as confused as you are.

[laurassecretstories]

Day 170 of 2026

Posting this in the early hours of day 170. It's funny how we are halfway throughJune already. So many things have happened this year, I am not even sure how to unpack it. I do know that in comparison from last year, this year is definitely more eventful. Somehow, positively.

There have been more uncomfortable moments that I completely dread, yet they are those memories that I will forever be thankful for. I am getting to know myself more and more; my strengths and limits. Recently, one of my closest friends, reminded me of where my faith must be. No doubts; no "but", just faith and complete trust. My life's perspective suddenly shifted, like a wake-up call.

So now here I am, trying to blog again and create a diary of this year. I will update more from the past few months next time. There are just a few things I need to clarify first before telling the 'stories'.

So, until then... stay safe!

[vexheart]

[laurassecretstories]

Day 4 of 2026

The year just started and it had already been so eventful. Full of many beautiful memories to be thankful for.

I shared the first few hours with my family and our closest friends. It was busy in each corner of the house, yet it was so comforting. It was meant to be only a small gathering of people but, honestly, I would not want it any other way. All we did was eat, cook then bbq. While the others were in the karaoke singing their lung out some were screaming in defeat playing Boggle outside. The last group of people left at 5:30am, so we roughly slept around 6:30am after cleaning.

Woke up for the first day of the year at 3:00pm to celebrate with my extended relatives. Of course, we started with a feast, then Mahjong and Boggle while some were watching a movie. Some got tired and slept after this. When dinner time hit, we ate more and karaoke after.

On the second day, I caught up with my best friend to the main town proper of the city. Where we ate and talked for hours -- somehow to mentally stabilise each other of what had happened in the past year. We have not caught up for so long; we needed to debrief. Lastly, we ended up watching a sad movie (to me anyways). That movie made me realise, of what I have always known, how thankful I am of her. No judgement, we always support each other. Additionally, we both hate drama!

.

These were only two days of the year, and I already felt so full. Full of love, memories and hope. I truly believe and pray that this year will be the year of more doing than waiting. The year of change yet grateful. I am excited!

[laurassecretstories]

Day of 360 of 2025

This random peak of motivations came from completing an important task early. There was a random call that stopped me from procrastinating today. Whatever that call was, thank You!

Being able to enjoy a slow day was a luxury. Its rarity was meant to be cherished; which I did.

[laurassecretstories]

Day 358 of 2025

Goodness me, almost there. It will be 2026. To be honest, everything felt so slow and fast at the same time this year.

Unfortunately, this year has been my lowest with writing. I lost motivation when the cinema I wrote did not come out the way I wanted. It was so hard for me to watch the final product, as everything felt so rushed and amateurish. It was embarrassing. To top that, I never felt like I was genuinely part of their team. They expected me to know everything when that was the first time I have been in a set. I was just overly uncomfortable the whole time. So traumatising.

I guess, that is also why I have not written in here for a while either. I hope that next year is a bit more different. I need something new and exciting, please.

[laurassecretstories]

Day 319 of 2025

Change. There is always that bittersweet feeling that I could never escape. With all honesty, I do struggle with it. I had to go through a silent process in my mind on how I could easily transition. For example, if you are leaving, I would gradually stop talking to you. I know, most of the time I feel genuinely guilty. It helps me get the closure that I needed so that it will hurt less when you are gone.

This time around, my entire family is the one leaving. I am dreading it. But I have to stay positive for the sake of my sisters. I can't break, they need to be able to lean on me.

I am still yet to find out how I will transition to this.. I hope I can figure this out soon.

[laurassecretstories]

Day 169 of 2025

Last weekend was crazy to say the least. We had to prepare for a special formal anniversary. To be honest, all though I had been an organiser for so long, for this one, I felt slightly out of touch. Most of what I did were filling up tasks that were overlooked and physically preparing on the day like decorations. There were more to tasks to do logistically, but I was not in any part of it. I became the main supporter for the younger performers that needed pep talks. Nonetheless, everything went amazing and no issues the whole night.

I joined dance and chorale to perform in. With all honesty, I did not want to join the dance. But at the last minute, I chose to join when I only had two day to learn and perfect it. My sister taught me intensely and repetitively for one day then clear it up for the second. I am just blessed that the steps were somewhat easy to remember. While for the chorale, though I recently got sick and just got my voice back (somewhat) , I was able to reach the high notes and did not make a mess.

There were plenty of tears that night; a lot of inspirational stories, reminiscing special moments and final goodbyes. Plenty of them were happy tears, otherwise. That night was my favourite so far; I felt more unexpectedly connected and loved.

[laurassecretstories]

Day 163 of 2025

And, my delulu is at currently at its peak. In my own world, I am already a nurse specialist working in the burns unit. I am dating the man of my dreams; he is reliable and patiently cares for me. I am financially safe and close in paying my family's house mortgage.

Then, somehow, while typing this post, reality hit hard. I am nowhere near any of these. Approximately, only 30% of that dream is complete. If anything, there is even a lag before it reaches 31%.

But you know what, there is always a reason why things are the way they are right now. Someday, I will get there. Someday I will know why it is better for me to achieve them then.

[laurassecretstories]

Day 160 of 2025

Today was such a full day; sports day! Although I did not play, I am exhausted. My main purpose was to scream and cheer for my team.

It was really nice to have mini catch up with people I rarely see. Some may be awkward, but it was actually nice to know that I belonged in a community where I am known. Note to self: I need to try harder and make time to catch up with some of them.

I saw my annual referee crush... yep that was it. Butr, of course, my delusional mind went on full on overdrive. It was funny because they would give me heads up if he was either getting closer or walking passed me.

In conclusion, it was a really nice day. I would have hated if I missed it. As this might be the last game of being part of the team.

[laurassecretstories]

Day 160 of 2025

I just realised that I started this disguised diary ever since 2016. Scrolling down and re-reading my old entries made me feel some type of way. I believe I am a bit better with my writing, but somewhat still the same.

Also, I got a new mechanical keyboard. It's giving me more motivation to journal.

[laurassecretstories]

Day 160 of 2025

I just remembered the most unexpected phone call I received yesterday at work.

Remember the guy they were teasing me to last 2023? That tall guy from work. The one that speaks so lovingly to his patients and pretty much nice to everyone else. Yep, that one.

He called me coincidently as he was the covering clinician for the weekend. It took me ages to realise who I was updating to. When he asked me how I was again at the end, my mild confusion was a little bit embarrassing. I did hear his name, but nothing really registered at the start. Anyways eventually, I did say how I felt bad for not being able to say goodbye when he left. Just for him to tell me that he only moved to a different ward.

(Mind you, this was all happening while I'm with another patient. He was patiently waiting for me to finish. Embarrassing.)

I was so surprised that he still knew who I was... "I knew who you were when you answered. It's going to take a while for me to forget you." No matter, how much I tried to remember what I said after, I can't remember anything. I only remembered with us saying that we'll see each other around at the end.

Honestly, that was the sweetest thing I have ever heard from a guy in a long time. It did got me smiling for the rest of the shift.

[laurassecretstories]

Day 159 of 2025

Just heard the most surprising and disappointing news!

How can someone suddenly give up everything they work hard for; everything they have promise to uphold their whole life just for a night of "pleasure". Disgusting.

To add to this, there is another person patiently waiting to be with you. She intend to give up her whole life so you can fulfill the duty you once promised. I was so proud of you. How can you do something so disappointing.

[laurassecretstories]

Day 158 of 2025

It will be my 30th birthday soon. To be honest, I have been preparing for about a year now. There were even chances when I actually say I am 30. And of course, I always get the "how come you're not married yet?" or "don't you have a boyfriend?". Then the magic words of "don't be too choosy. You will be forever looking for nothing." How lovely, isn't it.

I know I am not yet ready to have a family. Yes, I can date and find the one. But the rush of starting a family is so daunting to me. What if in a blink of an eye that person changes. Or what if they suddenly realise that I am not who they want to be with. I don't want to live in misery; I can't just walk away from it when I'd like to.

I do want to give my parents the grandkids they truly deserve. I know that they'd be great with them. It's only unfortunate that at the moment, I am not yet ready.

[laurassecretstories]

Day 157 of 2025

Finally got my new keyboard. Best believe that I will be journaling much more now. I found a new satisfaction with each click.

Talk to you in a bit.