Getting Meaner @laureldogbreath - Tumblr Blog

Hey I'm Laurel and if you're following this blog you're in for whatever stuff I deem too horny/personal for my totally for-sure pristine, curated main

She/Her/Mutt

29 yr old union girly

Buyer beware you're in for a scare

#dogthoughts.txt #dogthoughts.normal

I am so unchill I need to be put down immediately

#cute girl on grindr hasnt messaged me since wednesday and im getting self conscioussssss #beautiful women keep hitting me up and then once i chat they stop responding i worry i am doing something wrong #dogthoughts.normal

Feeling very upset. Someone I was messaging on here deleted out of nowhere. She seemed cool and I wanted to be friends and I don't know why but this wave of fear and sadness hit me. I hope she's okay?

#dogthoughts.normal

laureldogbreath

Uh oh

laureldogbreath

UH OH

#YEAH I MAY BE WAY TOO PETTY FOR THIS UH OH WHAT THE FUCK #at least i have therapy on sat maybe i can solve it by then

Uh oh

#uh oh #i may be too jealous for polyamory uh oh. uh oh.

If this musician girl doesn't message me back I'm gonna end it all

#saw her band playing on insta and was overwhelmed with animal lust #dogthoughts.txt

emesissy

we have four pound sledge hammer again today 🙄

#hholy christ

Fuck all that blanchardian noise but yesterday was my first time hooking up with a girl who by her own description used to be a faggy little twink and by god yeah that was really something else

#all the girls i've been with used to be straight boys and like. i know im being insane and anti woke here but nobody is reading this idc #dogthoughts.txt

I can't believe it took me this long to work up the courage for hookups holy fuck

#i'm getting so big headed already #strangers telling me i am incredible at sex is doing insane things for my ego #so many unimaginably beautiful women my god. my god #dogthoughts.normal

Hey I haven't used this blog that much in the last little while, some updates: broke things off with that maoist girl about two months back and it sucked so bad, i am also now on grindr attempting to have as many hookups as possible in my 1 week off work and so far it's going very successfully

#dogthoughts.normal

I swear to christ when my ideology prevails and takes over the world I am going to have to deliver some kind of state-mandated seminar on how to properly massage the prostate because the number of girls who have told me nobody's ever done that to them before is absolutely criminal

#making girls come just from fingering them is so fucking incredible. the power i feel #self taught by the way!#dogthoughts.txt

giragirameganedan

love

#yeah this one is it lol

laureldogbreath

I shaved EVERYTHING and then when she stood close to me on her patio I LEFT what is WRONG WITH ME

laureldogbreath

Btw it turns out just saying hey do you want to make out works like a charm gang

#i was so fucking right about her crushing on me lol #edit from 4 months in the future: This Was All A Very Bad Idea

Dick hurts so much not from atrophy but cause this girl keeps asking me to fuck the shit out of her when her pussy is only like 3 inches deep

#NOT BODY SHAMING I LOVE HER PUSSY BUT MY SHIT IS 7 INCHES AND GETTING SMUSHED IN THE HYDRAULIC PRESS

autoplushophiliac

dollification surgery

Sex is going normally

innumerable-voices

Parasocial crushes suuuuuuuck, I'm literally nobody to this woman, my feelings are not valid and should not be acted upon, I need her face under my boot or I might die

#REALL AS FUCK REAL REAL REAL

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