Peeing in a Cup: A Thriller
If you have been or are pregnant, you know that you have to pee in a cup every.single.doctor’s appointment.
First four appointments were easy-peasy.
Then came yesterday. Belly is getting to be too big to actually see what I’m doing. So, I struggle for entirely too long in the bathroom trying to pee in what might be the smallest cup in existence. I FINALLY manage to get enough in the cup, finish up, pull up my pants…and they’re wet.
Well shit. Why are my pants wet? I mean, yeh, it’s Satan’s Lair° outside, but I KNOW I’m not sweating that much. So obviously, I concluded I’m leaking fluid because, it can’t be anything else in my head.
So I walk back to the waiting room and almost hyperventilate at least 17.5 times waiting to get called back. (Also, can we take a minute to talk about people who talk on their phones in the waiting room? Stop doing that, please. You’re loud and obnoxious.)
Finally get called back, doctor checks me, no leaking fluid.
I managed to pee ON my pants while trying to pee in the cup. I. Peed. On. My. Pants. Not in them, which I feel is something that I can say and get away with because I’m pregnant (though I’m 22 weeks in and haven’t peed in them yet! Holding on to that last shred of dignity.) No. I peed ON them.
Tell me again that pregnancy is beautiful and I will stab you in the eye.