All I Could Do,

The Lauren Ingram, only eighteen in Hufflepuff. ESFJ

[laurentheingram-blog]

wthdominique:

“I-I’m sorry…”

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

[laurentheingram-blog]

skylardixons:

“You can’t prove that was me.”

“As long as we agree it wasn’t me either.”

[laurentheingram-blog]

&. Lucy

[laurentheingram-blog]

lxcyw:

“Why not? You are under no obligation to pretend they are your family if they do not make you feel as a family should. My parents, though strict, love and appreciate me- I think. They don’t voice it, but to me they have never been abusive or withholding. It sounds as though your instance is different-” Again, Lucy cuts herself off. These lies are rolling off the tip of her tongue. She’s struck with the notion that she is what makes her ideal of family to poisonous. Just as Rose said, Lucy pushes her family away like they are the ones trying to hurt her, when in reality the only one doing damage is Lucy herself. She knows this, of course she knows this, but she wont admit ti to herself. In fact, she can lie well enough that her words, about Percy and Audrey loving her, actually sound real to her own ears, they make her smile. But her smile fades after she’s silent for a few moments. Her words hold meaning, but it is not as deep as before. She’s uncertain now, sort of, and trying to block out the questions which pool in her mind. 

“Lauren, you deserve to be treasured. Settling for less is of no benefit to you. You must know that.”

“Does your family feel like a family should? How are we supposed to know what a family should feel like? Who are we to judge they aren’t acting how family feels like to them?” Lauren can’t think straight and with Lucy babbling of about herself is making Lauren think less of her own problems. It’s working, for once, that Lauren stops talking and sulking once Lucy starts opening about her family, she wants to question and she feels greedy for knowing more about Lucy. She is far better at helping than being helped, she pushed others advice because they don’t see and will never see what Lauren sees. Advice from Lauren was easier, controlling others problems to go away was a far better job than being the one helped.

“I am treasured, to their own abilities. I want to settle and accept, fighting it seems to drag on forever that it seems impossible that asking for more will ever end.”

[laurentheingram-blog]

&. Liam

[laurentheingram-blog]

liamyoungs:

Liam carefully treaded up the stairs, with a basket hanging by his forearm and two mugs of hot chocolate, until he found his way to the astronomy tower and set them on the table of the classroom. Chocolate, cheese and a few more snacks that the house elves were kind enough to prepare. Stargazing was a reoccurring habit for him most nights – sleepless nights – but with Lauren, it had been a while. He missed the moments they spent up in the tower. Lying in the midst of the classroom floor against a blanket, staring at the night sky pointing out the constellations and talking about anything that weren’t the struggles of their lives. It was bliss.

He heard the sound of her voice approach behind him, his neck shot up at Lauren while a grin framed his mouth. He walked towards her, a mug of hot chocolate for his friend in his hand. “I have both, dear Lauren.” He handed it to her, his smile set with grace. “Yeah, they look wonderful.” Liam gazed up at the sky, giving a brief glance at Lauren before he faced the stars again. “Tonight’s a Waning Crescent, probably my favourite moon phase.” He felt the chill of the air dance against his skin, the hairs on his arm rising. It didn’t bother him as much, but he could only speak for himself. “Um, hang on,” he shrugged off his hoodie, offering it to his best friend. “In case you find it cold.”

Honestly, Lauren had stopped going to the Astronomy tower when Liam and Lauren broke up. It had started as a way to get closure and understand that they were better off as friends, except when it became a habit to avoid the astronomy tower unless invited by Liam. “Thank you.” She muttered when she took the mug filled with hot chocolate and was delighted for the warmth it gave her palms. “Really?” She was surprised that she didn’t know that piece of information, since they almost always talked astronomy when they were up here. “I am more of a Waning Gibbous type of person myself, when the moon isn’t full but not quite half either.” It’s just almost but never there.

Lauren sat her mug on the table when her best friend offered her his sweatshirt. “How corny of you!” Her grin was delighted and she took the hoodie without protesting otherwise. Lauren got cold quite easily, she loved being in warm temperatures and took pride in her ability to be some of the few british to withstand the sun being out without melting. She put on the hoodie and leaned towards Liam and pecked his cheek. “Thanks again, you are proving to be a worthy best friend Liam, look at all this.” She said while looking around as if Liam was responsible for the bright stars and moon. 

[laurentheingram-blog]

charlie-locklear:

“You always get in trouble for the fun things.”

“I don’t get into trouble for anything, mostly at least. I was just worried about you.”

[laurentheingram-blog]

&. Liam

There was only one person who could completely understand Lauren. Liam and Lauren have been there for each other in each other’s worst moments and best. It started with their love for astronomy, which escalated to controlling parents, for Lauren to talk all the time and Liam to listen to her words, their constant arguments that every best friends had. It was no surprise when the two started dating, they were almost inseparable. Walking to the astronomy tower, all Lauren could remember was her anticipation feeling she would get back then, all their hang outs and dates were all centered up in the astronomy tower as they stargazed. 

Lauren enjoyed being friends again with Liam, they argued less and talk more. When she finally entered the astronomy tower she was the familiar figure preparing their evening. “I could’ve brought cheese you know, or at least the chocolate.” She joked, it was usually her task to bring food as she was so close to the kitchen and was tight with the house elves. She also enjoyed to set up and know what she was in for, but Liam called it first and she was alright with that. “The stars are beautiful tonight.” As they were every night. 

[laurentheingram-blog]

&. Lucy

[laurentheingram-blog]

Lauren tried calming down, she took a deep breath but didn’t exhale. She tried keeping it all inside, controlling and letting it steady inside but her emotions are at full speed. She doesn’t know what she is feeling and who she is feeling it towards. “Don’t get me wrong.” She exhales abruptly and chuckles at her own clumsiness of word choice. “I love Sam, he is my everything and that won’t ever change. I just can’t help but feel-” She tried explaining herself jokingly and calm but her fists clench again and she wants to feel alone again, she moves away to face Lucy, stopping her friend’s hand from soothing her. “Is it so wrong to feel envious! Can I not feel bitter that it’s their fault I feel this way towards him!” 

She stops talking. Something she rarely does, she stops yelling and blaming and listens to Lucy, her eyes on hers. Her words sound familiar, she is often told and reminded about believing in herself from Liam. Lauren stares at Lucy, her expression softens and she can’t help but look anywhere but Lucy. “I’m not perfect Lucy, and if the people who raised, made and are supposed to love you unconditionally believe that you are more than who you think you are, then how is one believe they are perfect just the way they are?”

[narcissawhite]

Lucy soothes another eye roll. She’s short with people, one reason so many dislike her. She has no tolerance. Just because she enjoys Lauren a fair amount, it doesn’t make this outburst any easier for Lucy to deal with. She refolds her hand over her chest, a little bitterly, and feels her sympathy fading fast. “No, it’s not wrong to feel envious. But you have to suppress that thought. Normal people won’t understand it. And voicing it to anyone but me would be wrong to Sam. It’s unfair, but that’s life.” 

“I understand.” Her stature hasn’t changed in it’s harsh stability. She’s standing like even a hurricane wouldn’t make her knees falter. She’s like a stone, in the way she lengthens with height and grace. Lucy clenches her already taught jaw. It’s hard for her to say words which she doesn’t believe, but Lucy says them anyway. “Your only option is to change your mind, to think of yourself before them. It’s the only way to survive.”

[laurentheingram-blog]

“I don’t want for him to feel more pressure than he already has.” Her voice starts changing, instead of shaky it is calm and she understands that these random emotional outbursts must stop. Even in private, she must think of Sam and how he would feel if he saw her like this. She finally gets her emotions balanced in that moment, she feels compassionate towards her brother and almost protective of him from her own self. 

Lauren listens to Lucy, yet she can’t begin to understand how it is so easy to get unattached from people she had never considered so toxic. Her parents were that way because in the end they cared for Lauren, she believed that to be true. It wasn’t like those ‘friends’ she deleted from her life because they weren’t what she thought was healthy. Her parents had always acted that way, for her it is almost normal. “I might want to escape but I can’t just treat them like some strangers.” They were too big a part in her life already.

[laurentheingram-blog]

“Towards the edge of the forbidden forest, we are already pretty close to it.”

[charlie-locklear-blog]

“Why not just go in?”

[laurentheingram-blog]

“It’s almost dark, wouldn’t you get into trouble?”

[laurentheingram-blog]

&. Lucy

[laurentheingram-blog]

“It can change, they can change I know it.” All her life she had been living on that small motto, her family could change and they could be happy once again. Maybe she only saw the good on people she she wanted to trust. She would fight her emotions and try to win back the love of her parents. Even if she was too much for them or too littler. There are days when she won’t care, when she doesn’t care for anyone in the world except those who care for her and have shown their loyalty like she showed hers. Then there are days when she gets letters and she goes home when she thinks too much about her parents and she says words they don’t want to hear. That’s when she knows she is at her worst. 

“I asked for Ravenclaw, my parents raised me to be in Ravenclaw. I was taught and given and tutored to be the best and most hardworking student. It wasn’t good enough that I wasn’t like them, they were disgraced.” She lets out a frustrated sigh, she was starting to resent her parents and her brother. “Oh but no, perfect Sam gets Hufflepuff and he is still loved.” Her voice grows louder by her words and she can’t help that she hates herself for resenting her own brother. The brother she truly loves and would give anything for him. “It’s me, it isn’t them. Because I have seen them be capable of acceptance and love.”

[narcissawhite]

Lucy heaves a great sigh now. They’ll never change. She doesn’t know anything about these people but she knows they’ll never change. She’s so used to being disappointed, for fifteen, Lucy is well known for being the most sour person any given student can have an interaction with. She thinks she sees the truth, but more often than not she predicts her ‘truth’ in order to blame her moodiness on people. People who really, rarely wrong her. It’s only her parents who disappoint Lucy, but she has a primal need to make them see her success. She knows, somewhere in her heart, she’ll never be enough for the one person she’s really trying to please: herself. But, the facade of her parents is easy to hide behind in her day to day. And she’s so stuck in her perception of them, where they’re unfalteringly strict, unflinchingly hateful towards their daughters. Unaccepting, unapologetic. She’ll never change.

Her eyes flutter closed, and she takes further steps forward, placing a hand on her friend’s arm. She gives it a gentle squeeze. “Take a deep breath, Lauren.” The outburst central to her brother is a shock. Lucy can’t hide her raised eyebrows, though the rest of her face remains neutral. She, and the rest of the school, really, thought the Ingram siblings to be thicker than thieves. And Lucy wasn’t even one for gossip. She knew of the two’s fierce love, it was legend in the halls. Families didn’t get much closer than Lauren and her brother. Lucy licks her lips, now, unsure of what to say next. Her eyes have since blinked open, and are narrowed in confusion. People aren’t her forte, but for Lauren, she’ll try. 

“Alright, listen. No one’s family is perfect. So, you can’t be what they expected. So, they forgive your brother for it. What can you do, Lauren? Everyone has their tribulations, everyone goes through the motions sometimes, wondering the answers to questions they’ll never ask. It’s a basic part of human life, the most natural thing in the world. I’m always asking questions, I ask even more in my head. I’m- well, I don’t want to make this about me. It’s about you. And you’re perfect the way you are. Why- well, why do you need your family to tell you that for you to believe it?”

[laurentheingram-blog]

Lauren tried calming down, she took a deep breath but didn’t exhale. She tried keeping it all inside, controlling and letting it steady inside but her emotions are at full speed. She doesn’t know what she is feeling and who she is feeling it towards. “Don’t get me wrong.” She exhales abruptly and chuckles at her own clumsiness of word choice. “I love Sam, he is my everything and that won’t ever change. I just can’t help but feel-” She tried explaining herself jokingly and calm but her fists clench again and she wants to feel alone again, she moves away to face Lucy, stopping her friend’s hand from soothing her. “Is it so wrong to feel envious! Can I not feel bitter that it’s their fault I feel this way towards him!” 

She stops talking. Something she rarely does, she stops yelling and blaming and listens to Lucy, her eyes on hers. Her words sound familiar, she is often told and reminded about believing in herself from Liam. Lauren stares at Lucy, her expression softens and she can’t help but look anywhere but Lucy. “I’m not perfect Lucy, and if the people who raised, made and are supposed to love you unconditionally believe that you are more than who you think you are, then how is one believe they are perfect just the way they are?”

[laurentheingram-blog]

&. Everett

[laurentheingram-blog]

Lauren knew herself pretty well and she knew that if they started making promises and trips that she would see the project through. It might take her sometime to see the world, but when she finds herself in a null point in her life she’d pack her bags, find Everett, wherever he was and demand her promise to be take seriously. It could take her years to do so, but she’d find a way to do it. “Once I told a professor that it was her job to understand my letter, however messy it was.” It hadn’t ended as how she thought it would and that was her first ever detention. “She didn’t find it funny.”

“How odd, I wouldn’t think most people wished for mundane every day life activities to happen.” Maybe if she wished for two loving parents someone else would find it terribly weird, just as she did with Ev’s answer. The topic was changed, thankfully she wouldn’t have to dwell on her own thoughts. She touched his nose with her finger and after a second she brought her hand back towards her. “Don’t be silly, you’d be the guest of honour. Now if you were to have the age of 90 and be able to have the body or mind of a 30 year old, which one would you choose between those two?” 

[harrisonxpiercex]

Everett laughed at the little story. He preferred learning little things about people first. Memories that had no significance on their present life, favorite things and the like. The big things, in his opinion, were better saved for later. He told himself it was because of the mystery but a small part of him knew that it was because, nowadays, it meant he didn’t have to share the big things until later, “Well, technically it is the professor’s job to. Your writing is perfectly legible and they should only complain about illegible writing. Not messy handwriting. Although I don’t think yours is all that messy.”

“Well it’s the mundane things that make you appreciate life the most.” Everett replied, hoping that that would be the end of it. He grinned again, “I would certainly hope so.” He said, pretending to act menacing but the humor behind it was coming through. Everett shrugged, “I don’t know. Probably the body because I’d most likely look pretty great but I’d also have some good knowledge and be a good advice giver and stuff. If I had the mind of a 30 year old, I’d look and feel really old but I would wanna be able to work and do stuff that I probably wouldn’t be able to to.

[laurentheingram-blog]

“Well thank you, in the muggle world messy and sometimes illegible handwriting means that the person might become a ‘doctor’. Here’s hoping.” It was a funny muggle joke that she had studied on Muggle Studies while learning about jokes and pop culture references. Some of her muggle born friends tell her its actually a good joke and more because she aspired to merge the muggle healing and her world’s healing together. “This is why I can’t write love poems and profess my undying love towards my future lover. It’d just look like a murder note.” 

“Is it really? I’ve never thought of that, but it does make the saying ‘you never know how good you had it until you lost it’ have more meaning to me.” Lauren’s logic was different than that saying, for her it was: ‘if you didn’t care for it in the first place, then in the end it wasn’t really that important.’ It was ever so easy for her to spring clean her room like dull things that she forgot meant something along the way. “You would look pretty great, almost as hot as you look now. But I have to say, even if that answer makes complete sense. I’d go for the brain of a thirty year old. Imagine me as an old lady who goes on talking about silly dreams and babbling on with such passion that is lost through the years.” If there was something Lauren dreaded about her growing old, it was losing her sense of adventure and passion.

[charlie-locklear-blog]

“Alright! ‘m coming. Where are we even going for that matter?”

[laurentheingram-blog]

“Towards the edge of the forbidden forest, we are already pretty close to it.”

[laurentheingram-blog]

jkspotter:

“Do you make fantasy me blush?”

“I make fantasy you do lots of other things besides, blush.”

[laurentheingram-blog]

&. Everett

[laurentheingram-blog]

everettxmoore:

“I heard that too!” Everett was getting far too excited about this trip. In the end, he knew they’d probably stop talking after Hogwarts and he’d never end up going traveling at all because real life would get in the way. He was disappointed just at the thought of it. He wanted this trip to happen more than most things now, “Well like I said, your handwriting is just fine. In my opinion, there shouldn’t be a problem as long as it’s legible.”

“Why thank you, Lauren.” Everett replied. He then ran a hand through his hair and sighed, “No, it isn’t really. I wish it was though.” He decided to stop there. He shouldn’t have said anything at all in the first place because what if she asked questions? The last thing he needed was to lose someone over his troubles. He grinned, hoping to avoid a questioning, “I hope I’m invited to that party, Lauren.”

Lauren knew herself pretty well and she knew that if they started making promises and trips that she would see the project through. It might take her sometime to see the world, but when she finds herself in a null point in her life she’d pack her bags, find Everett, wherever he was and demand her promise to be take seriously. It could take her years to do so, but she’d find a way to do it. “Once I told a professor that it was her job to understand my letter, however messy it was.” It hadn’t ended as how she thought it would and that was her first ever detention. “She didn’t find it funny.”

“How odd, I wouldn’t think most people wished for mundane every day life activities to happen.” Maybe if she wished for two loving parents someone else would find it terribly weird, just as she did with Ev’s answer. The topic was changed, thankfully she wouldn’t have to dwell on her own thoughts. She touched his nose with her finger and after a second she brought her hand back towards her. “Don’t be silly, you’d be the guest of honour. Now if you were to have the age of 90 and be able to have the body or mind of a 30 year old, which one would you choose between those two?” 

[laurentheingram-blog]

“A journal filled with messy writing and poorly drawn scribbles. Now, can I have it back please?”

[tessa-fray-blog]

“If it’s merely what you say, why do you need it back so urgently?”

[laurentheingram-blog]

"I want to write something but go ahead read it out loud."

[laurentheingram-blog]

“Seems to me you enjoy a fantasy of you in my dreams.”

[astoria-r-deactivated20210212]

“It’s not a fantasy when it’s true.”

[laurentheingram-blog]

"Fantasy you is better than real you. My body's reaction towards fantasy you is way different."

[laurentheingram-blog]

&. Everett

[laurentheingram-blog]

“Ive heard so many great things about Australia.” She muttered with a smile as she wrote it down and thought if somewhere else she wanted to go. “I think we are also going to make up places as we go.” Hopefully they would make it to their favorites and find new places they never thought of going. She pushed the paper into the middle of both of them. “I have horrible han

[harrisonxpiercex]

“Yeah, me too! My aunt tells me about my uncle’s trip there all the time. It sounds like so much fun!” Everett placed a hand on the paper and pulled it closer to look at it, “Your handwriting isn’t that bad. Trust me, mine it worse.” He pushed the paper back, “Maybe you should keep it. I’d probably lose it if I did.” Everett was very good at losing things. And not just objects but people too. Especially recently.

“I never said you didn’t. It just seems a lot easier to not have to think so much about you say.” He wish he didn’t think so much. It would help not to do so every now and again. Everett grinned and downed the shot with her. The liquid burned down his throat and it felt good. It shouldn’t have but he had gotten so used to it, “The perfect day? Well, I suppose I’d go to Honeydukes with Marion and, if I could, I would spend some time with my mum. And there would definitely have to be a little bit of drinking at night. I mean, who doesn’t love a good party with good drinks?” Unfortunately, is perfect day couldn’t happen any more. At least a part of it.

[laurentheingram-blog]

“I’ve heard so much about the magical creatures and rumour has it that there are even some muggle creatures that are worthy of being called magical.” She took the parchment paper after Everett took a look at it and folded it so it would fit nicely on her skirt’s pockets. “It’s really funny, when I was younger my parents used to make me write on notebooks and cursive books so I would practice and get a nicer handwriting. Except it didn’t work and it’s still the same since I can remember.” Lauren rarely lost anything, despite her messy handwriting, her room was neat. Everything had its place and it was a controlled environment that Lauren mostly felt safe and at peace. 

“I understand, somethings are better left untold as others must be expressed. I admire you for holding back your thoughts for others.” Something she wouldn’t be able to do even if she tried. The only world and universe where she shut her mouth and bit her tongue would be back home, she is only quiet with her parents and rarely bickers with them. “That sounds too normal! Isn’t it pretty much what you would usually do any other day?” She chuckled, trying to think big on her answer. “Mine would be breakfast with my brother, skip class to go save wizard kind, as well as muggle kind, maybe throw in the creatures as well. Then a party to celebrate my accomplishment, ending the night with a midnight picnic under the stars.” She might’ve blabbered most of her answer and hadn’t thought of it much until that second but that was a pretty surreal answer.

[liamyng-blog]

“I’ve got the guns to prove it.” He gestured to his biceps. “Bring yourself and your interest, I’ve got everything else covered.”

[laurentheingram-blog]

“Mm, I sure love them guns.” She squishes his biceps. “I’ll bring my lovely presence then. See you there.” She quickly grabs her things and starts walking away as quick as possible. Grateful she thinks she got away from studying.