Lavenderâs words sent a chill across Padmaâs skin, making her shiver. She wrapped her arms around herself and held on tightly, as though the icy January winds had somehow come reaching in through the castleâs layers of stone and enchantments to find them here. Dying for? Of course this was dangerous, of course it was hard â but die? Padma hadnât thought about that, not really. Oh she had wept over Cedric of course, they all had, and Professor Dumbledoreâs death had had her waking up in her sisterâs bed with nightmares for a week after theyâd gone home last year â but die? Them? They were students. They might be punished, might be scolded, might even be tortured â but none of them were going to die.
The idea was ridiculous â so why couldnât Padma shake this chill?
She cleared her throat. âLav, they arenât going toâŚâ she started, but Lavenderâs next words hit her like a slap across the face and she shrank back in her chair, feeling small and wounded. âI do think for myself!â Padma said hotly, feeling an answering flush grow in her cheeks. âIâm not just some â some stupid helpless puppet trailing in Parvatiâs wake like a niffler after some shine!â And so what if she felt safer, more comfortable, more sure of herself when she was? That didnât mean she couldnât break in her own direction when she wanted to, if she wanted to. Werenât her last six and a half years in Ravenclaw Tower proof of that? âIâm here because I want to be. Because I think itâs important. Just because Parvati maybe figures things out faster, it doesnât mean I have to just agree with whatever she says. If I couldnât â wouldnât think for myself, donât you think Iâd have been plopped into Gryffindor with Parvati instead of in Ravenclaw on my own?â Part of Padma couldnât help but wish she had been, even now â but she hadnât. That had to mean something.
She sat forward, scowling. âDo you think I just sit around up there waiting for Parvati to call me? I have a life outside the two of you, you know!â And a good thing that was, too, given how little her sister and her best friend had been able to spare time for her this yearâŚÂ âNobody ever gave the Weasley twins this kind of grief,â Padma muttered, folding her arms and sagging sulkily in her seat. âAnd they were together every minute. Itâs a double standard, is what it isâŚâ
But perhaps, a distant part of Padma realized through the sulk, that wasnât the whole story. Asking would mean admitting something that she didnât want to admit even to herself, but⌠âHas Parvati been pulling away from you, too?â Padma said, her voice little more than a whisper. She had thought that her sister was just too busy with her Gryffindor friends, too busy running around being reckless and bold with the core part of Dumbledoreâs Army, to be able to leave much time for her shier, slower sister. But maybe she wasnât the only one feeling left out by Parvatiâs revolutionary fervor â or whatever it was that was keeping her sister so busy these days. But if whatever that was didnât involve Lavender either, then⌠Padma swallowed. âI thought it was just me,â she said softly.
Lavender was dumbstruck by the sudden outburst that her mouth nearly hung open in shock. Padma rarely spoke her own opinion on something, but at least she could take some kind of criticism without being stepped on. Unfortunately that was probably the worst Padmaâs had to deal with as far as insults; Slytherin House was more than happy to make sure that Lavender didnât wander the castle without hearing how worthless she was under Voldemortâs rule.
Lavender didnât want to explain how the Weasley twins were different. If they were a coin, they would both be heads; regardless of which one you got, the result would be the same. Meanwhile Parvati was heads and Padma was tails â if you were hoping for one, it would be a disappointment to get the other. Lavender didnât think of it like that so often, since they were different but surely equal â though Lavender wasnât entirely sure that Padma was telling her was true.
âI mean â you never really talked about anyone in RavenclawâŚâ Lavender had to stop herself from asking what life it was exactly that Padma had in Ravenclaw Tower, and she overestimated her own listening skills. Had Padma mentioned anything about her own house, and Lavender just wasnât paying attention? Lavenderâs words cut, but Padmaâs logic didnât sound⌠right though. Just because she supposedly wouldnât think for herself, it didnât mean that she didnât choose otherwise.
âAnyway. Parvati knows how to fight her own battles.â She didnât want to immediately agree with Padma â doing so would mean admitting to something that Lavender didnât want to even consider: perhaps she and Parvati werenât friends anymore because of this?
âAnd Parvati knows how not to get herself killed. Maybe you do too. But if I canât figure out how to avoid being used as a practice dummy during Muggle Studies, then I have no idea how to get out of it once they start using something worse than a Cruciatus.â Did Padma really believe that it wasnât going to get worse? If she and Parvati were going to use their pureblood privilege to fight back, then fine. But did she really believe that everyone was suffering in the same ways? âDo you think theyâd be punishing you the same amount if you were halfblood â or less?â
Or less was really in reference to Lavender herself â she was much closer to being a muggleborn and was only separated from the rest by a lucky sliver of the Brown family bloodlines.
