at the top of the hill @lavender-box - Tumblr Blog

sggk

Orestes, trans. Anne Carson

#for sylvia #us

realfootage

cso ls mz e hjsazv nwwdzp.

1. vwzzoi qgycnidx xz nxwdpzn

2. tmjmqt cgmvdzpx gj spqsf hpnmjw

3. ppvvf llp reqk sq olw srndifl syz

4. wmjvpihwj ewg ekhinow gx wpgj

118 101 115 115 101 108

they got me a lot of books on it

#lavender.txt

lavender-box

we had a strange meeting at the temple…

lavender-box

the elders are choosing a candidate. after the sacrifice, they say that we’re closer than ever.

however, my parents have campaigned me as one of the viable candidates.

my whole life I’ve been preparing for this… but I feel odd

#about them #lavender.txt

we had a strange meeting at the temple…

#about them #lavender.txt

empty-chels

<i>I am still painting flowers for you</i>

#for sylvia

everything’s okay now. we’re visiting some relatives over the weekend, so i apologize in advance if I’m scarce.

#lavender.txt

o h god… they’re going to be home in 15 min u tes… i have to put it back and clean up andddd

#i dragged it to the hole #im so ti red #lavender.txt

regret

… everything we did.

oh god.

everything they made me do.

oh god…

who am i kidding? i had a choice. there was always a choice.

i think I’m going to vomit.

#what am k #wha t am i go in to #emetophobia tw #lavender.txt

ive been in this fucking shed for hours trying to get this to WORK!! it was a lie!! I M COVERED IN MUD, a and god knows what else and it was a LIE!!

it smells abysmal. i can’t look at her like this. and god, the implications of this, what this means??

nothing is real and we did something atrocious for nothing. if god exists, and im not sure anymore, we blighted against him.

and she’s gone.

what’s the point anymore.

#sylvia im so sorry #i couldnt even let you re s t #lavender.txt

im going to stop posting. my phone is getting rained on. ill be back on maybe in two hours …

#if this doesnt work #then #i dont think…#lavender.txt

okay… sorry… I’ve calmed down a little. i know what I have to do. im sorry for sounding … garbled.

#my arms hurt #but i cant stop #lavender.txt

lavender-box

i … i th ink i can m ake this ri ght…

lavender-box

go D! GOD I CANT! it’s mud d Y!

#lavender.txt

i … i th ink i can m ake this ri ght…

#the shed #lavender.txt #t he sh e d #th e shed #shed #s h ed

eulogy

at the top of the hill

we gathered together

I held your hand for a moment

when nobody was looking

I wonder now if this pain

would have been stronger

if I had held you

if I had kissed you

there’s an empty hole in my chest

where your heart should be

#lavender.txt

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at the top of the hill