quite interesting.

sebastian r. smythe. twenty five. lawyer. “Don't forget that we lawyers, we're a higher breed of intellect, and so it's our privilege to lie. It's as clear as day. Animals can't even imagine lying: if you were to find yourself among some wild islanders, they too would only speak the truth until they learned about European culture.” ― Yevgeny Zamyatin

[lawyerbas-blog]

I’m sure you will all forgive my lack of internet presence. My Airbnb decided I could not stay for the amount of time I previously requested and thus I’ve been in and out of Lima’s “best” hotels for the last couple of days sorting out accommodation. Unfortunately, my standards and Lima’s standards seem to clash heavily - no surprises there. Now, I would ask you all what I’ve missed in the mean time, but I’m sure that this slow moving town has churned up no news. Feel free to try and surprise me with that one, however.

[bloggerkit]

You’re welcome. I’d recommend a bar that’s right outside of town. Our Assistant Manager took me there a few weeks ago and it was totes worth it, even if it was closer to his scene than mine. As if. There’s no way in Hell I wasted any sort of respect that was worth it for dropping truth bombs about how crappy it is to have raw fish in my gullet. Despite my name I’m far from cat in appetite, so I’ll pass on any and all seafood. Let’s just consider it a few bad experiences too many. Apparently. Why are you here, again?

[lawyerbas-blog]

I would say I’m actually intrigued by this bar if it wasn’t for the fact I’m almost convinced I’d be accosted by far too many drag acts to make it a classy place. The health benefits of les fruits de la mer are actually rather intriguing, but I won’t bore the uneducated. May I suggest consuming seafood and fish in a fishing town? You may avoid a bad experience that way. Just business.

[snixxx-tana-lopez-blog]

And there were plenty of writers, artists, and poets who swore by absinthe. Doesn’t mean it tastes good. But you do you. Everyone likes what they like.  I wouldn’t call Lima a dump, it’s just….mind numbingly boring. The park are clean, and there’s some decent views, if you’re into that sort of thing. 

[lawyerbas-blog]

Depends on your mixology abilities when it comes to absinthe, actually. Mind numbingly boring and questionable company for the majority of the time tends to equate to being in a dump, but I’ll restrain my insults for this place from now on. I’m more into a fast pace of life, decent amenities and a thriving social life, but if grass and trees are your thing I’m not about to judge your kinks.

[effervescent-tina-blog1]

Who is to say your taste is the best? Maybe it’s the other way around and you’re the one lacking it. Well, not everyone can afford a trip to Shanghai - or anywhere outside of the country, for that matter. Patron is good stuff though. And well, that’s about how I feel about gin, so I could argue the same about you. I don’t know, there’s nothing wrong with a little sweetness. Many sugar cookies are made with it. What other Italian drinks to you prefer then? Good for you, then. No, but it might be a more pleasant experience for everyone if you at least gave it some effort. Nice to meet you though.

[lawyerbas-blog]

Considering my upbringing and genetic background? I think it’s obvious that my taste and palate is far more refined than most. Pity, it’s a great place. Highly recommend it. Or anywhere other than Lima, really. Maybe you had a terrible bartender who used the wrong gin in whatever you tried it in. It really is a versatile and satisfying spirit. And I tend to avoid any and all almond infused things for that precise reason. Limoncello isn’t too bad, although I’m far more partial to Spanish and Greek alcohol if we’re talking southern Europe. Ouzo is an interesting flavour, but it’s fantastic if you can get your hands on it here. I’m not here for pleasantries, unfortunately, Tina. Therefore I have no need to make anything more pleasant for anyone else. Especially you and your Piggly colleagues.

[lawyerbas-blog]

TEXT | Kurtbastian

KURT: Well, unfortunately for you, the current manager just got here and I wasn't really responsible for any of the financial paperwork.

KURT: Lima Bean. Tomorrow. 3:30.

SEBASTIAN: You're really testing my patience. I'll discuss matters with the manager and you can bring the paperwork to me. Simple.

SEBASTIAN: If I must. Sure.

[lawyerbas-blog]

TEXT | Kurtbastian

KURT: We already had this discussion.

KURT: No one is requiring you to drink it. Actually, we'd prefer you not around at all, but you're insistent. Bring your coffee to work like every other intelligent human being.

SEBASTIAN: I'd also prefer not to be here, alas I'm contractually obliged. So, the sooner I get what I came for, the sooner we both get what we want.

SEBASTIAN: To save you having a hissy fit over your timesheet, give me a time and I'll be as punctual as the nearest decent coffee house line allows.

[lawyerbas-blog]

TEXT | Kurtbastian

KURT: It's apparent, after today, that we need to have a little sit down. Especially since there's been a shift in management.

KURT: Is there a time you can meet? I understand that brooding and narcissism take up most of your day, but surely coffee can be arranged.

SEBASTIAN: I can make some time if I get the paperwork I asked for, it's a very simple trade off.

SEBASTIAN: And decent coffee. Not the instant dirty water everyone is subjected to in the employee's lounge.

[lawyerbas-blog]

snixxx-tana-lopez:

There are people who choose to drink gin? I’m a whiskey girl, myself, so I guess I fit the corn liquor stereotype, don’t I? It’s easy to find good bourbon around here, being as close to Kentucky as we are. They may all be brother cousins, but they make good booze. And no, I’m not talking about Jim Beam. That might have done it when I was underage, but now that I can afford aged barrels, there’s no going back. And to answer your question, I enjoy life here by making sure I always have access to alcohol. 

According to a recent study psychopaths and people with an above average IQ choose gin more regularly than anyone else. Make of that what you will. Whiskey isn’t too bad, although I’m a lot pickier about it than I am with gin, surprisingly. A young, cheaply produced whiskey isn’t worth anyone’s time of day. Seems to be a running theme that most people here resort to alcoholism to cope with the fact they’re living in a dump. At least I’m in good company.

[lawyerbas-blog]

cashiergirlkitty:

I can see that some of my friends and co-workers have already offered a little bit of insight into the world of Lima, but I thought that I would take my version for a spin to see how it goes. First of all, gin is delicious and there’s no hope of finding anything good to take home inside the city so you’re going to have to either just set up camp at Charlie’s or make trips in and out of Lima to satisfy that little craving. Secondly, sushi is nasty and you should just get out of that bad habit right now. Lastly, I’m Kitty and my existence is perky enough. Welcome to Lima, Newbie.

Finally, someone around here has actual taste and useful answers. Hopefully my trip here will be minimal and I can stock up on my way home. Otherwise, I’ll be hiring a car for that exact trip just to get me through being stuck here for however long is necessary. You did just go ahead and ruin any respect you gained previously through your complete 180. Want to elaborate on your distaste for Japanese cuisine? I suppose I should be in some way polite enough to thank you for your welcome, despite the crushing disappointment you’ve put me through. I’m Sebastian. And I’m sure you’ll be seeing me around.

[chefhudson-blog]

What the heck is Monkey 47? Weird name. It’s probably gin, right? Since you seem to be into that. I’m not really a gin guy. I like crappy beer and even crappier bourbon. Hey. In Lima’s defense, all sushi is terrible. There isn’t much of a difference between gas station sushi and the kind you get at the fancy places. It’s still raw fish. There’s a lot more to do around here than buy alcohol anyway. Lima’s got some cool stuff to do. And I’m not just defending it because I’ve lived here forever. It is actually an awesome place.

[lawyerbas-blog]

I was going to stay you’re not half as stupid as you look but then you proved me wrong. How can you actually enjoy cheap alcohol? Also, raw fish is a delicacy. As you’ve never eaten at said “fancy places” - evident by your lack of knowledge on the subject - the fish is of a standard far greater than any fish served elsewhere. It’s fresh, it’s delicious and prepared with skill that takes upwards of a decade to accomplish. You also don’t need to choose raw anything if you’re far too uneducated to embrace other cultural dishes. But, there’s no use talking to a brick wall. Go ahead. Enlighten me on what I can do here.

[lawyerbas-blog]

teamleadertee:

I’m not really a gin girl, so I’m not sure I could help you too much there. Honestly, I’ve never even heard of Monkey 47– where do you get something like that? I could recommend you a great tequila or amaretto though, if you’re willing to try something different, of course. And just because we’re small town, doesn’t mean we’re all willing to eat gas stations sushi. You must be new here, though I hope you’ll find Lima more to your liking than what you expect. I’m Tina, by the way.

Sounds like most of this place is lacking basic bar etiquette and decent taste. The last time I got my hands on it regularly was when I took a business trip to Shanghai, so I’m not holding out much hope for anyone stocking the real deal here. Tequila reminds me of college and I’ve never been an amaretto fan. Italians do great alcohol, they just need to stay away from the almonds. Nothing ever tastes good with fake almond flavouring. I’ve been far nicer and more upscale places, so I doubt it will ever be to my tastes. But, I’m not staying here forever so I don’t have to enjoy it. Sebastian.

[lawyerbas-blog]

fabraysquinnn:

There’s a shady liquor store off Main that sells it. Granted, I’ve never personally seen the point in buying expensive alcohols, they all taste relatively similar to me. I think I probably have a bottle of it in one of my cabinets in the kitchen, as a housewarming gift, you’re welcome to take it off my hands. Consider it a welcome to the office.

Then again, I’m not a fan of gin, personally. It’s my father’s drink of choice and from the high school days when I used to break into his liquor cabinet and drink myself into being sick with some of the Cheerios, I can barely stomach it anymore.

As for ‘perking up my existence’ these days it has a lot to do with actually getting sleep. AKA: drinking copious amounts of wine and passing out. 

Any shady liquor store selling apparently decent alcohol makes me question whether that alcohol is a) counterfeit or b) diluted with something else. I sat in on a case during my time at Harvard where the latter happened and some asshole was ruining perfectly decent vodka with antifreeze and killing people. Unfortunately, your tastebuds must be under developed because there is always a distinct difference between a liquor that has been filtered once or triple filtered. So, I’ll gladly take it off your hands and give it the attention it deserves.

That’s a shame, gin is making quite a comeback. Maybe it’s time to test the waters again? On the other had, if you can’t distinguish decent gin from the questionable “gin” then maybe you should stick to your cranberry vodkas and Mateus.

Sounds a lot like my experience with the hotel mini bar. Let me know if there’s a more classy place around here to indulge in and I’ll be gracious enough to send a sparkling rosé your way.

[lawyerbas-blog]

When no store in the immediate area stocks Monkey 47, you know you’re in the toilet bowl of the Earth. And before anyone suggests Hendricks? Don’t bother; it merely dictates that your palate is horrendous, your intelligence is questionable and you should stick to moonshine and corn liquor. Honestly, I’m curious as to how anyone actually enjoys life in places such as this. Gas station sushi and whatever beer is on sale and stockpiled in the back of the fridge is pretty much my idea of hell. So, enlighten me unfortunate residents of Lima, what do you do to perk up your existence? And has any one of you actually had decent gin? I’m genuinely curious and very open to judging your answers with an extremely critical eye.