House of Wint-er @lazydagon - Tumblr Blog

“A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.”

(Source)

“HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON. I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.”

“NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO? PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?”

“PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON. WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.”

“LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON. ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES? THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”

“YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE. YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“

meltdraw

Drew a comic thing of the neighbors.

out-there-on-the-maroon

I love it when a post gets better the second time it circles around to my dash again.

: DDD

exolazarus-deactivated20250822

We need an action figure of this.

ornsteinoflondo-blog

I want one for my lawn.

bertholt-deactivated20191008

walking out of a bathroom with no hand dryers like

catgotchatongue

is that guy dying in the background

lifeonforearth-blog

Have you ever been in public bathroom

aprildazed

Highland werewolves had a reputation for doing atrocious and highly unwarranted things, like wearing smoking jackets to the dinner table.

Soulless by Gail Carriger

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6381205-soulless?from_search=true&search_version=service

(via aprildazed)

Those animals.

knightsolaireofthesun

DnD story time

So I was playing a pretty simple low key campaign. Just like a 2 session thing for fun cause one of my friends wanted to try dm'ing.

So the plot is that a bunch of cultists are trying to summon a celestial spirit God to try and ascend to a higher plane of existence. They needed sacrifices so they stole the daughter of a local thane. We got hired to kill the cult and retrieve the girl. Pretty simple. So we start on our way and eventually stop to rest at a secluded inn in the woods. Things go alright until a horde of Zombies approaches and assaults the place. I’m playing as a sorcerer and we were only level 1 so I didn’t have many good spells nor did I want to waste the spell slots on simple zombies so I just spammed by fire bolt cantrip. First time I fire I roll a 3. Dm says “Your shot misses by a mile and you break a window in the bar.” Next turn. Another 3. “You break another window.” Next turn I hit, but the following I roll ANOTHER THREE. “You break yet a third window. The bar keep gives you a glare of displeasure as he is being torn apart by undead.”

Fast forward and we’re walking down a path and get ambushed by some celestial monster summons. We fight for a bit and by this time I have some better equipment so I don’t need to spam fire bolt. Decide to use it once to finish off an injured enemy. Roll a 3. DM laughs his ass off. “You trip and fire your shot backwards. Somewhere in the distance you hear a window in the inn shatter. Fuck my luck.

We eventually make it to the cave and start murdering our way through. I haven’t used fire bolt since apparently it’s a bad omen. In the final chamber (a lovely cavern with a cultist leader and cultist one through five) with the sacrificial altar I decide to try it, just ONE more time to test how tough the leader is. Except I didn’t hit. I rolled a 3. The dm, screeching with laughter says “In the top of the cavern there is a small skylight that someone had carefully and meticulously placed a hand crafted window over. It was made with love and care by cultist number 3 who looks up in horrified shock as you send this bolt of fire through the glass, shattering both the window and her heart.”

Cultist 3 got pissed and started sobbing and tried to murder me. She didn’t do very well cause she’s just a generic cannon fodder enemy. Eventually we get surrounded so I use thunder wave to thin the horde. Killed two cultist and injured just one down to 1 Hp. Cultist 3. She begins full ok weeping and runs to go hide behind the sacrificial altar.

We clear the rest of the cultists out and the dm says that cultist 3 is just crying now so we’re out of combat. I make my way over to her, apologize, and then we hug it out after I pass a charisma check. Then our ASSHOLE of a barbarian tries to execute her when I let go. Good thing she was devoted because that celestial god she worshiped so smited the fuck out of him. All’s well ends well. She runs off.

Cultist 3 is now a beloved member of dnd and she appears now in every one of our campaigns we make. She doesn’t have a name. Just Cultist 3 and everyone excepts this as normal. Currently she is a helping our party in a different adventure as her own unique class… A Glass Mage.

Tl;Dr: I broke a lot of Windows and made a generic cultist cry. We made up and now she’s a badass Mage that helps us all out from time to time. Oh also her and my Warlock character and getting married.

lazydagon

This story is glorious. A smash hit.

Tumblr:

Me: The sky is blue.

Tumblr: First of all, trigger warning, you bitch. Blue was the color of the smurf doll I had that got ruined in the wash. Secondly, my brother's girlfriend's cousin's step-sister said the sky was indigo, and she would know, because she studies colors in college. COLLEGE. Also, way to oppress other fucking colors and completely erase light blue, dark blue, and blue-ish green! Educate yourself, you ignorant piece of shit trash! You think you know everything but you have no clue! Thanks to you I am triggered and about to kill myself! Hope you're happy you fuck!