C:\ CRITICAL 97% Capacity

[dbareactions]

When I ask developers to fix a data model that “joins” multiple tables to an existing master table to store individual properties but keyed identially as the master table, rather than just adding columns to the existing master, and they respond by adding an additional “intermediate” table to “join” all the “property” tables to the master. HT oraclesean

[dbareactions]

When I have 41 tabs open in SSMS and I go to run a query

[dbareactions]

After switching a number of on call shifts around and now finding yourself in the middle of the rearranged clump. (HT @BBassic)

[dbareactions]

After SSMS has crashed for the fourth time. Today. HT @BBassic

[dbareactions]

When the consultant says they need to have sa access otherwise they can’t work on their single database. 

[dbareactions]

When I politely pass the help desk ticket back to the development team

[devopsreactions]

Hey boss, is it true that we will have to work on Christmas eve?

by @uaiHebert

[lazyllamamoon]

Training the new Jr. DBA

[lazyllamamoon]

The Junior DBA trying to figure out the production cluster

[lazyllamamoon]

5 minutes before a deployment

[lazyllamamoon]

[lazyllamamoon]

C:\\c$help_me\lame

SELECT noob FROM Database_Admin

WHERE Experience <> Expert