Yesterday wasn't too special. I slept in because Obvi was sleeping. I went into the office. Went home for lunch. Had my yearly employee evaluation. I know what I'm doing most of the time and people like me.
Successfully got a nap in after work.
After dinner, I went up to my attic and sewed another patch onto the vest I'm working on. I'm seeing Sailor Moon- Live next week with my bff Cassie. I have a vest I dyed hot pink and have been saving up Sailor Moon patches to make a vest, but hadn't attached any of them. I ordered a few more patches from Etsy and some rhinestone studs from Amazon. I have an XL back patch that is the moon and glows in the dark that I'll have on the back. I think that'll look really nice. I then already have a silver holographic leaping rabbit that I'll put over it. I also ordered some rose patches I'll put around the moon. and I have a patch that has a rabbit crying that says something like "cry baby club" which is so Usagi.
I let my wax warmer heat up while I was sewing. I then did a few more passes of waxing my legs. I have so much square footage of leg real estate that it feels like it's taking forever. Maybe at-home waxing isn't for me. I might go to a salon for touchups in the future.
Obvi woke me up at 2am, then 4am. I meant to get up at 5am, but yesterday I turned off my alarm so I slept in too late for me to feel comfortable about getting to the gym without feeling rushed. I did some laundry.
I thought I'd head up to the attic to do more sewing. Looking at the Sailor Moon vest, there's not much to be done right now until the other supplies come in. I went through a back holding work in progress (WIP) and found an olive green utility vest from Duluth Trading Co. I've never worn it really. It's brand new. When I pulled it out, a bunch of patches I thought I'd put on it fell out. I instantly felt really overwhelmed and quite depressed.
The vest is really nice and is long line, so that makes it intimidating and pressure to feel like I need to get it right. The theme I guess I had pulled together also isn't super straight forward. I think it's kind of "I'm a badass bitch with peace of mind don't bother me." which I don't really vibe with in the moment.
a custom ordered patch that reads "have a great day unless you're my dad". It's grey, and kind of ugly. I also don't like thinking about my dad anymore than I have to.
"Hello my name is (blank)" nametag patch. I was going to fill it in and write "bitches". Kind of like a play on the joke "bitches be like... it's me. I'm bitches."
An arrow and banner reading "no fucks left"
A Just Okay Co. patch that says "Failure is knowledge". I awarded myself with it after bike camping for the first time and calling husband to pick me up.
an enso patch. it's a japanese buddhist symbol
a Punky Pins patch that says "bitch please" in a wreath of flowers
A wheel. I also picked it out because of its Buddhist symbolism
A patch that says "Dream girl" in a heart
a canvas Straight Edge X patch in vines.
I think to get over the anxiousness and perfectionism I'm feeling, I need to make something intentionally ugly. I do have a jacket kind of like that in my WIP stash, but it's still a really ambitious project. The sleeves of the jacket are too tight, so I was last putting in grommets to make the sleeves like an adjustable corset.
Besides all this jacket/patch nonsense, I just feel so directionless in general. Just really scattered. I wish I could just focus, but I'm a bitch who was not created to focus... I wish I had a routine, but that sounds so much easier if I didn't have a spouse and house to move around. I just imagine living by myself, that I'd be so relaxed in the quietness. I'd sleep more well rested. I'd eat what feels good. My home would be kept so clean.
But right now I can't even decide if I want to go to the gym, sew, clean, find a new job, do a divorce, move out, make friends, have a social life, spend time and money looking hot with skin care, hair dye, waxing....
