More Martin, Less Bennet

Raising faithful daughters in the 21st century

[lbsurratt]

40 years and counting...

2017 was a good year for me. I turned 40. It wasn’t that big a deal. For the past decade life has been very busy, so there was no big party or gifts, just a low-key welcome to a new decade. The decade of 30 was a big one for me. I remember going to dinner with friends in Germany (where we were stationed) and wishing on my candles that Greg and I could start a family soon. Little did I know exactly 9 months later Miss Emily would come (birthday 3/28, Emmy 12/26). Between 30 and 39 we had 6 kids and had 5 big moves.

So by the time I hit 40, things had settled down, or so I thought. 2017 was a fun year with a trip to Fun n Sun in Florida and a second honeymoon planned to Hawaii. We also continued to homeschool, made more friends, camped in our travel trailer and with AHG, and switched parishes.

Big Family Vacation

In 2017 we went to Sun n Fun, an airplane and private pilot conference in April. Greg has been flying since he was a teen and we all enjoy aviation. He hopes to build his own airplane one day, so we went for all the knowledge being offered. If you bring 6 kids someplace, you will stand out. We were treated so well. We got invited to a Pilot’s Association Dinner. The girls were given lots of loot for just being themselves. We played Flight Simulator in a classroom just because. We saw a great air show. The girls and I also hung out at the beach on the base we were camping at. I love how our girls enjoy travel and seeing new things. 

Big Changes Ahead

We switched from our parish to a FSSP (Priestly Fraternity of St Peter) parish in July. FSSP is a traditional Latin parish, but in full communion with Rome. Back in the 80′s Pope St John Paul II allowed these parishes to form. Our faith journey has really occurred over our entire relationship with travel, research, and prayer. Through faith we expanded our initial thought of two kids to four and then more. Through faith we started kneeling and receiving Jesus on the tongue over a decade ago. Through faith we have let God guide decisions in our life. We were always the ones who stuck out at church: big family, kneeling for Communion, dressing up every Sunday, homeschoolers. And then we found Mater Dei, a traditional Latin parish where everyone kneels for communion, there are 10-15 large vans at every Mass, almost everyone homeschools, and a modest dress code. We were home! I have met more welcoming families in our short time at our new parish than I did at 4 years at our old one. It is a true community and we are thrilled to be a part of it. 

Vacationing While Nauseous

Greg does his annual tour in Hawaii every year. The year I turned 40 was our year to go. He will have to change units to promote so no more Hawaii. We saved up for my airfare and a week on the Big Island so I could join him. Both our parents took the girls in August so I could go. It was wonderful to go back and explore new islands. We honeymooned mostly on Maui and a few days on Oahu. This time we had a week on Oahu and a week on the Big Island. Wow. I went to Mass every day on Oahu while Greg worked, took naps, had a gourmet breakfast, sat by the pool, walked the beach. When he got off work we explored the island. We flew to Hawaii and went fishing, snorkeling, and took our first helicopter ride. It was a wonderful vacation. I was 8 to 10 weeks pregnant at the time, so food was hard for me, but I still had a great time.

Back into the Grind

We came home end of August and started school and our new routine. On top of homeschooling, Lucy started Kindergarten (we send them to public for kinder only), we continued in American Heritage Girls, Bible study, and co-op, and added Latin choir for the older 3 at our new parish. I taught 3 classes at co-op in the fall, which was a little much, but I enjoyed it. My grandmother passed the beginning of September. It was hard but not unexpected. It is the first passing that the girls were old enough to realize what was happening. They had just seen her on their summer adventures, so I am glad they got that time with her.

We continued with our activities and had a great holiday season with family visits and a bright new year.

And then there were 7

As I quickly approached my 41st birthday, we anticipated the birth of our 7th child. It didn’t go as smoothly as a 7th baby should. I started having contractions in the 36th week, a little early. But then it stopped and nothing. I was expecting to have an early baby like all my other pregnancies, but baby never came. We tried every wive’s tale and remedy to make baby come, but baby was too comfortable. And then my #2 had a birthday coming, and then my brother’s birthday. I prayed baby would stay put to not take their birthdays. So she took mine.

We went to the hospital at 4am on my birthday. It was scheduled because a) I had never been pregnant more than 39 weeks 0 days in my life and b) due to my age, doctors wanted me to deliver by 40 weeks. I was also not doing well physically those last few weeks. Elevated blood pressure, bad swelling and numbness in my feet, and mommy being done. They had to wake baby to monitor heart rate, so nothing was started until 6am. Glad I ate breakfast before coming. They gave me cytatec, which needed 4 hours. And then around 12:30 they started pitocin. I know many people don’t like it, but I have needed it for now 6 out of 7. That’s what I know, just as some moms know c-sections or birthing at home.

Nothing happened. They kept increasing and I could barely feel it even though the monitor showed pretty strong and consistent contractions. So I walked the corridors, I knitted the beginnings of a stuffed animal, I had an ice pop (no food allowed), I painted my fingernails, I sat on the peanut ball. And then I heard and felt a pop that made me jump. My waters had finally broken. This was at 4:55pm. I went from 4 to 6 to 8 quickly. Now the fun began. The contractions that I could barely feel got more intense. I was lucky. I had strong, painful contractions for an hour. My body finally decided it remembered what to do. I quickly could feel baby getting ready to come because I couldn’t take it anymore and I was able to push. Our 7th child came out in one contraction and three pushes. Miss Margaret Mary, perfectly made, a perfect 41st birthday present.

9 More Year, Who Knows

So 41 has started off pretty amazing. I am tired, of course, and we are in the trenches with a new baby and homeschooling and life. We are planning another RV trip to a state park soon with our newest addition and hoping to finish school early summer. I have been out and about since a couple days after her birth. People seem amazed I am functioning, which is partly true because I am very tired. But life doesn’t stop just because you have a baby. I feel pretty great and have been blessed with friends bringing us food, help from our parents, and the blessing of having Margaret Mary baptized at 11 days and Julia receiving her First Communion the next day. My house is not as clean as I would like and I am drinking too much caffeine. My amazing girls have really taken it upon themselves to be more helpful, mainly out of necessity. But this is my station in life, just as some of my friends have teenagers and grandchildren. My grandmother was 41 when her first grandchild was born. Who knows what my future holds. Maybe I will be lucky to be a grandmother in my 50′s. I am looking forward to the rest of my 40′s. 

[lbsurratt]

What’s in a Name - part 5

March 3 is the feast of St. Katharine Drexel. This is a special feast day for us as our 5th daughter is named Katharine Imelda. We are always asked why we spell her name with the weird “a” in the middle. We do our best to use the correct spellings for saints we use - hence Emily, Clare, Julia, Lucy (although technically Lucia), and Katharine. We also have a Bridget of Sweden, not Brigid of Ireland. 

So who is Katharine Drexel? She is the second canonized saint in the US, but the first US citizen. She was second of three daughters born in Philadelphia. Her family was always very charitable with widows, single mothers, African Americans, and Native Americans, but once seeing her stepmother die from cancer, she realized money could not protect you from pain and death.  She inherited her share of almost 16 million on her father’s death and chose to become a nun, dedicating her life and fortune to serving the African American and Native American people. She established 145 missions, 50 schools for African Americans, and 12 schools for Native Americans. She also financed the only traditional black Catholic college in the US, Xavier University of Louisiana. St Katharine Drexel, pray for us.

Our little spitfire is also named after Blessed Imelda, the patron of first communicants. Blessed Imelda was placed with the Dominicans when she was 9, already dedicating her life to God. She always had a great devotion to our Lord in the sacrament of the Eucharist, but children at this time had to be 12 to receive. When she was 11, on the Feast of Ascension, she stayed behind to adore our Lord after Mass. When the sisters went looking for her, they found Imelda transfixed before a glowing, floating Sacred Host. They immediately got the priest, who gave Imelda her First Communion. She was so overjoyed at achieving her heart’s desire that she died right after receiving our Lord. Her feast day is May 13. Her body is also incorrupt, which means she looks like she is sleeping. Her body has not decayed since her death in 1333. Only a select number of saints are incorrupt. 

Why do we name our girls after saints? Just as we look up to beloved relatives and great leaders and inventors, we want our girls to look at the lives of the saints as an example of how to lead a holy life. What better way than to serve others and adore our Lord? Do we worship saints? No, we worship only God. But we can pray to saints for intercession and to watch over our children. We all have a guardian angel and if we are named after a saint, that saint is extra protection for that child. 

[lbsurratt]

Big Family Christmas

We are already a month in to 2018. Where does the time go? As I write this I am figuring out our grocery list for the next two weeks. We have increased retirement savings, adjusted to tithe fully, and are currently on a smaller budget than last year due to me stopping work in August. We have a raise coming in December, 11 months away. I have already said no to two things because we do not have the money set aside. Charge it, you say? We have no debt besides our house and plan to keep it that way. Plus we just recovered from the three ER visits between July and November for our 3-year-old (she is auditioning for Bride of Frankenstein). I really started trying not to bust budget starting this past fall. And I am mostly succeeding. Christmas was no exception.

Christmas was extra special this year because our eldest daughter turned 10 December 26. What, a 10-year-old? It makes sense as we have six kids, but still. It is also the year we have been seriously penny pinching. We want to minimize our things, not be bursting at the seams. I had a budget for us because we do not save up all year to spend thousands of dollars on one holiday. We save up for trips and events, not toys. I had about $100 to work with.

*St NIcholas Party at church

As September and October rolled around this year I started to ponder Christmas. Our girls have so many things. Things as in dolls, puzzles, LEGOs, books, clothes, things. What could they possibly need for Christmas? We have family that wants to buy things, we want to give something, oh, and St. Nicholas may stop by. We don’t want our girls to only want material things, but at the same time you want them to get some nice things. You also want them to understand the true meaning of Christmas and not just a commercialized holiday. What to do?

*Christmas carols at St Joseph Retirement Home, Dallas

Here is our December. I actually sent out Christmas wish lists end of November or beginning of December. I let the girls choose just a few toys because we don’t need much. We also included practical things like new sleeping bags for our camping trips, cardigan sweaters, watches, new books, and memberships. There was enough for a few ideas for the grandparents, aunts and uncles. I decided to make our gifts to the girls. 

*Laying wreaths at DFW Veterans Cemetery

We started with Truth in the Tinsel again, Advent crafts left by our Christmas angel. We did about 10 out of 24. Not bad but not as many as I wanted to do. This kept us busy during the first two weeks of December. We had two Christmas parties, one for our homeschool co-op and then the homeschool group at church. Treats and fun activities. Score! St. Nicholas came by December 6 and left candy and gingerbread houses for the girls. Score! We made cookies but ate them all. Score for us! December 13 was the Feast of St Lucy, which we didn’t celebrate because Lucy is in public Kindergarten and she is exhausted every day. As in she takes a nap every day when she gets home from school. Maybe next year. Fail! But she got money from Grandma and Grandpa to pick anything she wanted at the shop at church. Score for Lucy! The girls also sang Christmas carols in Latin and English at the Catholic nursing home in Dalllas. The same morning we headed to the DFW Veterans Cemetery to lay wreaths on graves. Double score and community service! We also saw the Bachelor Blue Christmas light display in Cedar Hill that won awards on TV. Cold but fun and festive, so Score!

*Gingerbread houses from St. Nicholas

Somewhere in these weeks I got a cold that would not go away. My making Christmas gifts turned into a true deadline because I did not feel well enough to stay up late Loom Knitting my project - six cupcake dolls and six cowl scarves in matching yarn. Also, Greg was out of town for two weeks. I am used to being solo, but solo and sick do not mix well. I managed to make a Christmas letter and get pictures printed to send out our 80 Christmas cards. We got 33. I need to shave my list, but that means not sending cards to extended family. What to do. 

*Bachelor Blue Christmas

Before we knew it we were traveling to San Antonio for Christmas with the few cookies we still had left and some large garbage bags containing mystery things in the back. I spent the last week before Christmas finishing up six dolls and managed to make three out of the six scarves by Christmas Eve night. We went to Saturday evening Mass and Christmas Eve Mass to meet our obligations, and had great meals that Greg’s mom made. Christmas morning came and St. Nicholas left large presents in white garbage bags with color coordinated bows. Each girl has a color, per se, so the bags were lined up in birth order with their color. E is blue, C is orange/red, J is purple, L is green, K is pink, and B gets whatever is leftover. Yellow or White? 

*6 completed dolls and 3 cowls, made in colors they like and to match winter coats

And guess what? All that wondering if the girls would have a great Advent and Christmas? We received almost everything on their lists (need a smaller list), to include the sleeping bags and the few toys, cardigans, books and a watch. St. Nicholas brought huge character pillows which are on their beds. And the girls loved their dolls, made with matching scarves (which I finished within a few days) that they have worn in our very cold season. We did it again a few days later when my parents came to visit. 

* K’s pillow is as big as her

But the most important part of the season was spending time with family, eating way too much food and sweets, and going to Mass as often as possible. I really liked Christmas and New Years being on a Monday because then we went at least two days in a row if not three. And don’t worry, our now 10-year-old was spoiled on her birthday with lots of note cards, writing paper, stamps, a purse from Hawaii, clothes, a Wonder Woman ice cream cake, brick oven pizza, and the new Star Wars film in 3-D. 

* Ready for Star Wars in our new sweaters and scarves, plus one doll along for the ride

Our best memories from this Advent and Christmas were eating good food, spending time together, and discovering new things. I can do Christmas on a tight budget and have a great time. Ask me again when I need to plan a $2000 wedding in 15 to 20 years. 

* Family portrait Christmas Eve

[lbsurratt]

Pro-life and Pro-birth and not afraid to say it

Since the last presidential debate, there has been a lot of online chatter about late-term abortion. As this is one of the most important issues for me, I have done a lot of research over the years. I have watched animated videos of late-terms abortions to understand the procedure. I almost vomited. I read scenario after scenario about why a woman would choose to have an abortion. And I am still pro-life, pro-birth. Yes, they can be two different things. We cannot care about the baby in the womb and forget about the baby once he or she is born. Not it. Not fetus. Not glob of cells.

There has also been debate about women who have had to deliver their babies after 20 weeks and lost the baby. Here is some clarification on the subject.

A baby born before 20 weeks is a miscarriage. If the mother spontaneously goes into labor or begins bleeding, she is miscarrying. If the baby has died naturally before 20 weeks, it is still a miscarriage even if the mother needs help delivering the baby through a D&C or induced labor. It is not an abortion. To call it a spontaneous abortion is giving a false narrative about what happened.

A mother who delivers a baby naturally or via C-section after 20 weeks that is already dead in the womb is a stillbirth. 

A mother who delivers a baby who takes a breath but then dies soon after or still in infancy (or for that matter years later) has suffered the death of her child.

These are all horrific, painful events for the mother, father, and family. These are not abortions. 

An abortion is when the mother (or both parties) decide to end the life of a child who is alive and would be born alive if no intervention was taken. Here is where many of us differ. 

We have great advancements in technology and mothers are able to hear the heartbeat and see their baby in the womb. We are also asked to have tests to see how the baby is doing. Some tests bring up abnormalities. A child may have downs syndrome. Should you abort a downs baby? A child may have spina bifida, a debilitating spine disease that can cause early death in children. Should you abort a spina bifida baby? A child may have a heart defect, or be missing part of a vital organ. Should you abort that baby? A baby may be missing a limb? Should you abort that baby because she is missing a hand? You are told that the baby has a condition that is not conducive to life. Should you abort that baby? 

Because of my faith, I would take one of these diagnoses and pray. I would pray that I have the strength to be the parent to this special child. If I lost this child, I would be devastated. There are countless stories of parents who have done this. But who am I to choose death before giving a chance at life? If this child was born and needed special care, I would make it happen. Even if it means we live on rice and beans. If I became pregnant with quadruplets, we would live on rice and beans because I cannot afford 10 kids. I would not selectively reduce because I would be killing a baby. We would move closer to family because I will now need that network. I choose life.

And yet, in our society, you may choose abortion for whatever reason. Notice that the presidential nominee said that she has met with women who have had to make a horrible choice. She supports the woman’s choice. Not only when the mother will die. Not only for incest or rape. I don’t agree with these reasons either, but I can see these view points. Only 2% of late term abortions are for fetal issues. She supports the woman’s choice no restriction. The next day a story was posted through the nominee about a woman who chose an abortion because one baby was already dead and the twin had severe spina bifida. So she had an emergency C-section. This is not an abortion. The one baby was stillborn. The second baby died soon after birth. This is not an abortion. This is a stillborn and child death. Not an abortion. Why can people not see the difference? A baby being ripped from the womb in a C-section (your words, not mine) is a birth. A baby being partially born, then having their spinal cord severed is an abortion. Period. 

I have had six children. The first at 30, the last at 39. When I was pregnant with my first I was told by the sonogram technician that my child possibly had downs, failing kidneys, and a two vessel cord. I cried, as all women do, when they are told something like this. But what did I do? I had another sonogram. And only one thing was true - the two vessel cord. The first tech was wrong. Would I have aborted my baby if she had downs? No. Would I have aborted my baby if she had failing kidneys? No. She had to come early due to lack of nutrition with the two-vessel cord and had trouble growing in the first few weeks, but is a vibrant almost 9-year-old today. 

I have also had two children past the age of 35. One at 37, one at 39. Every appointment I was offered blood tests to check for abnormalities. I said, why? Why do I need this test? Do I need this test to do something before the baby is born? No? Then no tests. If the test would require help in the womb or just after birth, I did the test. Otherwise, ignorance is bliss, right? I had sonograms every two weeks due to my age, so major abnormalities would have been found. And I would have accepted it. Not aborted my baby.

We differ, I get it. But to share stories of infant loss and call it an abortion is muddying the waters. An abortion is ending the life of a child who would live, even some with extreme measures, but the child would live. If you think it is okay to kill that child because the child is not precious or deserving of a life, albeit short, then our country is doomed. We have lost future generations because of this choice. And we are already seeing it in other areas. Insurance will pay for assisted suicide in California but not for life saving care. We don’t care about the unborn, so why should we care about the sick? 

Is six kids easy? No, some days it is downright hard. Don’t I know how to stop it? Actually, yes. But I choose life. Because life is precious. And one day we will be judged by the history books about the way we treated the unborn. I believe abortion will be looked upon like slavery is today. One time many Americans had slaves and agreed that slavery was okay, or chose not to stop it. Today, who would say that?  

For more information, please see http://www.abbyjohnson.org/, http://www.abortioninstruments.com/new_index.html#instruments, http://blog.practicalethics.ox.ac.uk/2008/05/viability-and-the-abortion-debate-what-really-matters/, http://www.lifenews.com/2015/06/11/18000-viable-unborn-babies-die-every-year-in-painful-late-abortions-in-the-united-states/, http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/ss6311a1.htm?s_cid=ss6311a1_e#Tab7

[lbsurratt]

Why do I homeschool?

Wow. $19K to send my first four to Catholic school plus uniforms and registration fees for all. There is a four kid cap, so numbers five and six would be covered. But there is a $350 per kid registration every year and I need to find a part-time job that pays for it all.

Over $500 to buy the school supplies for public school (the cheaper packaged option), plus the t-shirts, field trips, new clothes, regulation shoes (don't get me started on sneaker guidelines), etc, and homework every night. I think I spent about $200 on one to just do public kindergarten this year. She had fun, but there seemed to be more fun than learning. Lots of videos, lots of down time, lots of crankiness after an eight hour day. And homework four nights a week. Yes, we pay taxes to the school district. Doesn’t mean I want to be in it.

I made a list of what I need to buy at the Homeschool Conference in July. $400 for all books needed NEW for 4. Hoping to get some used books again this year. This does not include the textbooks I already have from teaching for two years, which will be the case every year as they progress. I always have to buy one full school year of books (this year is third) plus all the workbooks and write-ins for the year I will be teaching the others (second, first, and pre-K). And we are done in two to three hours each day. And we take field trips as a family, no little kid restrictions. And we wear whatever we want. 

I have my reasons for homeschooling, both social and religious. But now looking at the financials and hours, I have two other reasons. Now before I get blasted for no social interaction and sheltering my kids, we do not barricade ourselves in our house for the year. We are out a lot.

We do activities outside the home. We are in a co-op that meets every other Friday. The girls take fun classes and mingle with homeschool kids their age. We are also part of American Heritage Girls. It is a Christian scouting organization focusing on faith, service, and citizenship. Our girls get to know the other girls in the troop, we do community service starting in first grade, and they earn badges in different categories - our heritage, personal well-being, family living, the arts, science and technology, and outdoor skills. The girls are in CCD, or Cofraternity of Christian Doctrine, at church. They also do Vacation Bible School and last year we did camp. We also find other community service projects, so my kids interact with adults - a much needed skill for the upcoming generation.

Right now we do not take an instrument or dance or sports. It is a desire, possibly will happen in the near future, but right now, we are busy enough. I like having dinner as a family every night. I like seeing my husband when he gets home from work. I like that we all spend time together. Once we add in more activities, that dynamic will change. 

So we homeschool. We also do other activities. And even though some days are very hard having all my kids around all day long, it is also very rewarding. And I know my kids. I know their strengths, I know their weaknesses, I know what they like. And I am having an impact on the women they are becoming, for better or for worse. I didn’t like some of the behaviors being picked up at public school - in kindergarten. But how do you combat kiddos with Iphones? Or their own computer and TV in their room? Or the language because they are allowed to watch HBO and Showtime? Or the idea that a 5-year-old needs a boyfriend? These are not all kids, but of course your kids will notice the behavior of the troublemakers and spoiled, question it, possibly emulate it.

And the best part about homeschooling, in my opinion, is you take a break whenever you want. A day off, a last minute field trip, a family vacation in the middle of the school year. Yes, please.

So as the school year ends and many parents dread what to do with their kids this summer as teachers rejoice, we will take a small break, and then start schooling again. Because life happens, every day is a learning experience, and I have more flexibility when my kids are with me always than when I have to worry about pick-up and drop-off and what project is next. You only get your kids for 18 years if you are lucky before they leave the house. I want to make those 18 years the best for them and for us. 

[lbsurratt]

The Toy Conundrum

A child’s imagination is so important. But when does it go from play to too much stuff? Times have changed. With technology the sheer amount of entertainment options are endless for our children. What is appropriate and where do we draw the line?

I remember when our house got our first gaming system. My brother bought an Atari system. I never played it, but I distinctively remember the pings of the tennis game (two bars and a ball). I remember when we got our first VHS player and the Little Mermaid video. I remember when we got a Word Processor so I could save papers on the black screen and my floppy disc. I remember when I got my first cell phone. I was in my 20′s and it was heavy.

I grew up with developing technology, but it never ruled my life. New things were being invented, but they were new things that we did not know how to use. Kids today are born with it and start using an IPad before their first birthday. Kindergarteners are on their IPhones. Gaming is an art form. Nobody plays outside anymore. 

I had Barbies, and imitation Cabbage Patch Kids, and a cassette then CD player, and a bike. I also had a swing set. I did not have a TV in my room or a telephone. When I was in middle school my parents added a second line for my brother and I, which was installed on the wall in the kitchen. When I was a senior in high school I got a cordless phone so I could walk out of the room while on the phone. I don’t say these things to brag or say woe is me but to show how much simpler life was back then.

Our girls got toys when they were younger. They got every toy. Every plush princess, every Disney DVD, every sound making toy out there. Going from one to two, to more, and now almost six, toys could easily be taking over our house. But they are not. We started making specific wish lists a few years ago. No more buy whatever you want birthdays or Christmases. We wanted constructive gifts, limited. Now their lists are clothes (boring but always needed), craft projects, books, and memberships.

When we moved into an apartment with our family of six, I reached my limit. I read this blog http://www.livingwellspendingless.com/2012/09/14/why-i-took-all-my-kids-toys-away-why-they-wont-get-them-back/. It inspired me. One day I bought two bins. I loaded up the good toys in the bins, loaded up some trash bags for donation, and left a couple dolls out for play. We keep art supplies, puzzles, building blocks, and books out. The bins are now in overhead storage in our garage. I will switch out dolls and things trickle out from time to time, but toys are at a minimum. The girls have a couple dolls on their beds, and we have one toy basket in the learning room on the shelf. No toys besides bedtime dolls are allowed in their rooms so the rooms stay clutter free.

We have added a small container of Saint dolls and a castle for constructive play. We have one basket of plastic building blocks and a basket of wooden ones. We have a small container of Legos for building as well. We have a few baby toys for our youngest but mostly she plays with what we have.

Our children do not play video games. We have a gaming system. It has not been turned on in over six months. They have tried to play old school games like Super Mario Bros with daddy, but we don’t have time for it. Our children do not have cell phones or IPads. They do have Leap Frog computers that we use only for long trips. They have used PBS.org and other educational games on the computer, but again, we don’t always have time. It is more a treat to do these games, not necessary for instruction or down time. They need to learn to use a computer, but with the oldest being 8, we are not ready for college research yet.

So what do my girls do for fun? They build things. They love to build things. Whether with the blocks or the Legos, they are always creating their own world. They use their Saint dolls, sometimes retelling a story they know, either Biblical or fantastical. They play outside on our swing set, again using their imagination to be pirates or on an adventure. They run and run and run. They draw and make books with 10 pieces of paper. They think of others and make cards, just because. They make up dance routines to their own music. They sing - a lot. Christmas songs, Broadway show tunes, made up melodies. For the most part they are kids being kids. And they don’t even remember what is in the bins in our garage. It is not the same childhood I had but at the same time it is. I played, a lot. Sometimes with neighborhood kids, sometimes alone. But I played and used my imagination every day.

Less is more. We have the means, but do we need it? And even when the mess seems great, it only takes 10 minutes to put everything away. Every scrap of paper, every crayon, every book, every toy. And when they grow up I want them to remember being friends with their sisters and our experiences as a family. Not the toys they had, or the missed electronics. Are we winning the war on clutter and stuff? Depends who you ask in our house, but we are making a valiant effort. 

[lbsurratt]

A Woman’s Choice

This may not be the article you think. I keep hearing about a woman’s choice. It’s my choice to do what I want with my body, my life, etc. Well, here is another perspective on choice.

I was recently returning something to Walmart. There were two women doing the return. Actually there were five women at customer service who all seemed to agree with the following interaction. My returnee made a comment about all the pregnant women she has been seeing to her colleague. She said that everyone must have been bored in the winter. Since it was only March I pointed out that it must be a fall baby since most women do not show until three to five months into their pregnancy. I didn’t have a better retort.

Why do women get pregnant? Okay, some people have an oops. Or those who are on birth control or use condoms have a failure and get pregnant. And guess what, they choose life. Good for them. Or get this, some people do it on purpose. Have sex? Yes. Open their hearts to life? Yes. Some people want to get pregnant. Some people pray to get pregnant and struggle to get pregnant. They make a choice. And flippant comments about being bored or not having anything better to do is turning the whole feminist movement backwards.

Can a woman have a career and children and be fulfilled? Of course. Can a woman stay at home with her children and be fulfilled? Definitely. Can a woman have no children and live a full life? You betcha. Can the exact opposite be true? Yes, that too. Why must people comment on it, in a derogatory way? We constantly pit woman against each other. A she said, she said, my thinking is better. My life choices should be your life choices. Like Madeline Albright saying there is a special place in hell for women who don’t vote for Hilary Clinton. Ms. Albright, we have different definitions of what hell is, and women who are against a woman who hates babies, ruins the lives of her husband’s mistresses, and overall has a very spotty and scary record are to be applauded. It is like saying you must vote for someone because they are black, or Asian, or Hispanic, or Jewish, or Muslim, or Christian, based on that one fact. Our sex or race has nothing to do with our qualifications to be president or hold any public office.

But as women we have a gift that men do not. We can have children. Not every woman is given the chance or choice. Some may have health or fertility issues that prevent this blessing. My heart breaks for every woman I have met who has suffered fertility issues or miscarriage or the loss of a child. And carrying a child is not easy on your body. There are risks both to the mother and child. I alone have had high blood pressure (number 4), fluid issues (numbers 1 and 5), high risk factors (number 1) and don’t get me started on all the soreness and cramping. Stretch marks? Check. Not my wedding weight? Check. Acne scarring? Check. The old wives tale that girls take your beauty? Check times five. Some women never regain their body or may still have a belly years later. Why can’t people be quiet? 

A woman was recently insulted in a grocery store with a similar comment to above about not having anything better to do. This woman had struggled to become pregnant and was happy to finally be expecting. Rude much, people? See http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/lidl-staff-mock-heavily-pregnant-7166193

Or the comments about how huge you are, or how your hands are full, or how you look frazzled, or how you need a nap. See http://www.rd.com/advice/parenting/10-things-never-to-say-to-a-pregnant-woman/ 

Or after baby. Never ask someone if they are pregnant unless you know them personally and have seen them not look pregnant and they are suddenly 9 months pregnant. Okay? See http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/2012/11/14/a-small-lesson-on-female-etiquette-im-not-pregnant-just-fat/.

So a woman’s choice. What does any of this have to do with a woman’s choice? As Catholic women we are called to be open to children in our marriage. As long as it is naturally possible (read http://www.usccb.org/beliefs-and-teachings/what-we-believe/love-and-sexuality/ for the church’s stance on contraception), you are expected to have children as you are able. It is a choice, though. Children are expensive, so you must be fiscally responsible. We eat beans and rice on Wednesdays because I need money to buy diapers, thank you very much. It is also timing. Are you moving? Do you have support? I had one child without my husband there due to training. It all turned out fine, but I wouldn’t necessarily choose to do it that way again.

You are asked to practice Natural Family Planning (NFP), or just go for it. It is not the Rhythm Method, which I only know as an a cappella group. NFP asks you to get to know your body. You take your temperature, you check your cervix (height, openness), you check your mucus. You pay attention to your body. This allows you to know when to abstain (no sex) if you are waiting, or have sex if you want a baby. Some people choose to do nothing and let God decide.

Now I have five kids - five girls. I was married for three years before becoming pregnant because I used NFP. We did not live together before marriage and needed to be husband and wife for a while before children. Between number four and five I had a period of infertility. I know now that was God was giving me a break (number 4 is a trial sometimes). But over five beautiful children I have chosen to have children. At first I wanted two. I had two, then I said four. I was happy with four, then longed for more. And God said yes. I said yes, we said yes, but without His intercession we may have only had two, or none.

That is what the pro-abortion movement does not understand. They are not pro-choice. Choice implies more than one decision can be made. Pro-abortionists want abortion on demand whenever, up to viability (22 weeks) and through birth (40 weeks). No ultrasounds because that shows you a baby, They play into the mother’s fears telling her everything she cannot do and how she needs to abort. This is not female empowerment, it is borderline abuse. When I think of over the 53 million babies aborted, I am sick. I have watched the videos on how abortions are performed. I have seen the limbs, the crushed head. I have seen the birth defects from failed abortions. I have seen the tubs of baby remains. It’s only cells, right? I have heard stories of hearing the baby scream in pain. I have heard about the women who die or are infertile due to the the after effects of abortion. This is not a choice. It is a violation against the mother and the child, repeated a thousand times a day.

So stop saying it is a choice. It is a selfless act to give yourself over to creating a new life. It is hard, it is difficult. It is called labor for a reason. Then raising a child is not easy. I am not asking every woman who becomes pregnant to become a mother. Our state has safe places to bring a newborn that the parent is unable or unwilling to raise. Plus all the pregnancy centers who can help with the adoption process. It is a selfish choice to end that life. The choice should always be the life of the child. What happens after is up to you.

And I am not uneducated. Yes, I may have been pregnant and barefoot a lot (just because I hate shoes), but I went to a 4-year university. I even have a Masters. I actually went to liberal colleges, which was the cheapest choice where I grew up. Or maybe it is because I am educated. I take the time to research, to find out truths and not blindly follow an agenda just because of my sex or my religion. If the Catholic Church tells us to do something, I find out why. How can I ask my children to do something if I myself do not understand? 

So what do women who are pro-life do? Who believe having children is a choice and choose life? We advocate, we speak up, we pray, we love those who hate us, because we are all God’s children. We spread truths, not lies. Do you know that the two women who are Roe v. Wade never had abortions and are now pro-life activists? Of course not. Because no one talks about it. I do not think it will be repealed in my lifetime, but I refuse to pay for it. And I pray that people’s hearts will be changed. 

What are your best one liners when confronted out and about with your family?

My, your hands are full. Me: With good things

Are they all yours? Me: And wonderfully made.

All girls? Me: Girls are a blessing and so much fun.

Trying for a boy? Me: I wouldn’t know what to do with a boy.

You know how that happens, right? Me: And I enjoy it, too.

Are you done yet? Me: Um... What is the response to this one? When I hit menopause?

So why is this relevant now? We are getting ready for an election. And life issues are always most important to me. Not just babies, but the elderly, the infirm, the sick, the prisoners. All life matters, but babies are always prevalent on my brain because I cannot imagine life without mine. No one has the right to take your life except God. We are not God, we are men (and women). 

And one day early, because I do not joke about sensitive topics, the Walmart lady was referring to me. We are 26 weeks 5 days with number 6, sex unknown. And yes, we meant to do it. And it was the fall, not the winter. And yes, we have better things to do, but yes, we enjoyed it. And yes, we are happy to be expanding to a family of 8. We keep taking family photos and I cannot hide the belly any longer. Because it is number 6 and I am bigger (are they twins?) and older (is that gray hair?) and will be in a wheelchair before baby #6 graduates, of course. And my OB keeps telling me to keep going after this one. I am her perfect patient, for now. We will see.

Prayers for a healthy baby. And choose life.

[lbsurratt]

What it means to be Catholic and Political in 2015

I keep seeing all these articles blaming the liberal media, blaming Republicans, blaming Obama, blaming pro-lifers, etc, etc. 

So where does that put me? I am a 38-year-old mother of five, Caucasian (okay, white), married to a man, and Catholic.

Let me try to explain the Catholic perspective on all of this, or at least how I see it based on church teachings for the past 2000 years and other things the church has said.

First off, Catholics, at least Catholics who follow the dogma of the church, give at least 10% of their annual income to the church. It can be just to your church or your church and Catholic charities or the Bishop’s appeal, but 10%. That means if you make $50K a year, $5K before taxes you set aside to give to the church. This does not include any other contributions you choose to make such as to the fire department, school fundraisers, local homeless shelters, and so forth. So in essence you could realistically be giving 15% or more of your salary away. Not every Catholic will do their due diligence, but every year we figure out our expected income, and set aside 10% every month into a charity account. We give half to our church and half to charity. In December I check the books and if we are under 10%, I usually give a lump sum to St. Vincent de Paul (feeding the hungry) or another worthy cause that is Catholic.

There are Catholic charities that help in other countries and also here. Many Christians in Texas were blasting the Catholic Church for helping refugees in the state. We feed them, clothe them, house them, organize play dates for the orphans with our children. How dare we? If you are not willing to help out those who are less fortunate, no matter their station, how are you being Christ-like?

I am pro-military. I believe our military deserves respect and funds so that if necessary, we can defend ourselves here and abroad. The VA is under fire, as it should be, but you are only eligible for the VA if you are a wounded warrior or medically discharged. After two deployments and going on 20 years, my spouse will never be eligible. So what does he get? We’re not sure as benefits we are hoping for keep disappearing. Stop the military blood bath with funding. 

Also, I do believe all who are 18 must sign up for selective service (medical and mental exceptions as always). A draft hasn’t happened since Vietnam, but since so many women want equality include them, too. Our youth should be required to either A) enlist for two years in the military or B) volunteer with a small hand-picked list of charitable organizations for a year right after high school. Most European countries require it, and they seem a lot more civilized than the youth in our country today. 

Are Catholics Republican? Many Catholics end up voting Republican because it is the lesser of two evils. I am pro-life. I do not believe in abortion. Now, I cannot tell you what to do with your body, but don’t ask me to pay for it. Or for your contraception or sterilization. Do you know how many Catholics foster and adopt unwanted children or support them financially? Do you? No, but it is easier to blame those who choose life for a child’s sad situation than to look inside your own heart and understand why you believe this person is not a person until born. I have prayed outside a Planned Parenthood. No signs, no pictures, just prayed. Our home is full, but our hearts are not, so we support causes that help children in this country and abroad. Put your money where your mouth is, or shut it.

Catholics do not believe in the death penalty. It is not for us to judge who gets to live or die. If I were ever called to a death penalty case I would have to say I will never ask for the death penalty based on my beliefs. I also do not believe in euthanasia. Have you ever heard of purgatory and hell? I do believe those who suffer on earth are living their purgatory here on earth, to an extent. Better now than 1000 years after. People are afraid to talk about what happens when you die, but for most of us it will be here before we know it.

I believe in following God’s three rules. He wants us to know Him, love Him, and serve Him. Do you clothe the naked? Do you visit the elderly, the sick? Do you feed the hungry? Do you visit the prisoners? These are corporal works of mercy. Everyone should do them, not just Catholics. If you are not doing them, get to it. It will change your perspective on how you live your life and possibly how you see some of the important discussions happening in this election year.

Let’s talk about hate. The Catholic Church teaches that all life is sacred and that marriage is between a man and a woman. It also teaches to love your neighbor as yourself. Do I hate those who are different from me? No, I love them. Can I love someone and not love their behavior? Of course. I do my best to be kind to everyone I meet no matter their skin color, gender, or belief. If someone genuinely needs help, I will help them. Have you ever heard the term hate the sin, not the sinner? We are asked to love all God’s creatures, no matter how hard it may be. We are also asked to forgive those who trespass against us. Because if we don’t, God will not forgive us. I don’t have to agree with your lifestyle or choices. We all have free will, granted to us by God. My free will allows me to vote based on my conscience as you will do. And I will not vote for someone just because they are the first woman running for president. Don’t get me started on my thoughts on her because I will have to go to Confession.

Could I be doing more? Of course. I have not fostered or adopted a child. It would be hard but we could manage. I do not go to a soup kitchen weekly or monthly. I do not go out of my way to know people different from me, mostly due to my current situation. But it is important that my children know about the world around them. They know about the terrorist attacks. They know about abortion. They know about traditional and non-traditional families. They are learning what our church teaches. Whether they choose to stay true to the church will be their decision. Will I stop loving them? Of course not. I will love them until I stop breathing, no matter what. Even when it is hard.

So what are the political views of this 38-year-old, Catholic, mother of five? I am pro-life, I am small government, I am against the death penalty, I am pro-immigration (as in strict rules, but everyone deserves a chance), I am pro-military, I am pro-every person, not just the minority or those who feel disadvantaged. There are too many feelings, not enough people actually doing something. Stop taxing us so much, stop telling me what I should believe, and please, stop trying to make us the next USSR. It didn’t work. 

[lbsurratt]

Large Family Vacations

When Greg and I were two, we honeymooned in Hawaii, lived in Germany for four years and traveled around Europe. Hopping on a plane or a long car ride was nothing.

**The Parthenon, before kids

Then we had one. We still managed to go to Luxembourg and Garmisch in E’s first few months, plus a plane trip stateside, before moving back to the good ol’ USA. We visited family, we went to a wedding in California, we did San Francisco and Napa, we drove to Pittsburgh and Ohio, we joined Greg in Florida on a business trip.

**California, family of 3

Then we had two. We still visited family and even did our first big family vacation - Disney World, with three adults to help and the annual Florida business trip.

**First Disney Trip, family of 4

Then we had three. We were in transition for eight months, too, with Greg crossing over to the civilian world. We still visited family, but Greg went to a family reunion with only one, while I stayed home with two. 

**Greg’s graduation, family of 5

Then we had four. We kind of stayed home. When baby #4 was almost 1, Greg and I went on our first vacation as a couple since having kids - an 8-day cruise. Grandma and Oma babysat. Then a deployment was on the horizon so we bought the plane tickets, the accommodations, and tickets and did Disney World with us six. We just fit in the five max Disney room because we needed a crib for baby L, only 15-months-old, and used both doubles and jack-knife for the rest of us.

**Cruising minus 4

*Cave exploring - yeah, not with 4 kids

*Second Disney Trip, family of 6

Then we moved. A three-day car ride later and I was ready never to travel again. But you can only stay in one place so long. Baby 5 was fast approaching and we only went small distances. Then we drove 17 hours through the night to my sister’s wedding with a 2-month-old. Homebound after. 

**Daddy corralling 5 little girls at auntie’s wedding

**Father/Daughter Dance

**A free moment at my sister’s wedding, matron of honor, two months post partum

We did out first vacation as a family of 7 this summer to Branson, MO, to experience Silver Dollar City. I drove five hours solo to pick up a business-tripping Greg in Arkansas, then we finished our trek into the Ozarks. We had to get two hotel rooms this time, luckily adjoining. But we were running into a problem. How can you travel when you always need two hotel rooms, airfare for 6 to 7 is outrageous, and don’t even get me started on entrance fees.

**Silver Dollar City - baby on a swing!

We purchased season passes to Six Flags with the hope to get some excitement close to home. We have gone three times already, and have all his year, too, plus the water park when it gets warm.

We upgraded our mini-van for a full-size 12 passenger in November. It came with a towable hitch. So began the search for our home away from home. We want to explore the U.S., so how can we do it and not be broke? We bought a travel trailer. It hitches to our van, we lug it behind us, we park in a state park, campsite, dry camp at Walmart, or whatever we need to do to get to our destination. We have sleeping for ten, an indoor and outdoor kitchen, shower, toilet, you name it. 

**Bench seating in our 12 passenger. Last row loaded with camping gear for a tent-trip in bitter December.

We have only done one trip so far to a local campground to check out our new purchase. We cooked inside, outside, grilled, took showers, played games, watched TV using the antenna, explored the park, and had a really great time. Now, trailer camping is not for the light-hearted or adverse to work. There is no dishwasher except your hands. Even using paper plates half the time there are still pots and pans and utensils. Cooking over propane is very different from a gas stove. As in you can burn your pan and/or food in an instant. Also, not every neighbor is as like minded and may have a rager at 2am. The walls are not too thick.

**Grilling and cooking our first night under the awning

When you are ready to leave you need to pack up your belongings to throw back in the van and then close up the trailer. This includes emptying the black and grey water tanks. And flushing them. Yup, your toilet and faucet tanks. But for $30 a night at a state park or as low as $18 on a military base, we have water, electricity, and sewer. We can all sleep in one place, and not two rooms. 

*Dinner inside, we currently all fit at the table

So now comes the fun part. Mapping out trips to our national parks, plus visiting places I have never been and always wanted. I have read blogs of families who actually do this full time. Now I enjoy glamping, but do like the space of a house as compared to a 32 foot home on wheels. But using outdoor space, too, makes for a peaceful and enjoyable experience. And a travel trailer allows us to drop off our home on wheels and still have our vehicle to go places. 

**Happy baby in the camper

Hoping for many new adventures in our new purchase, once we take care of some warranty issues. By this summer we will hopefully have at least one or two small trips under our belt.

**Happy girls enjoying the outdoors

[lbsurratt]

Raising Daughters

We have been blessed with not one, but five beautiful daughters. First off, the fact that we have five children baffles my mind. Yes, I know how it happens, and yes, we chose to open our hearts and home to this many. Secondly, that they are all girls is kind of amazing. We went to the store today, just me and four of the five, and I get my usual comments. Are they all yours? Still trying for the boy? Your hands are full. My hands are full of good things, even on the bad days.

We are in an interesting stage right now. Our daughters are just 8, 6 yr 9 mo, 5 yr 7 mo, 4 yr 1 mo, and just 17 months. They each have their own spirit, the youngest two needing me more than the older ones. The baby is still a baby, probably because she has no competition. My first two are only 15 months apart, two and three are 14 months, three and four 18 months. So technically number 5 is allowed to be a baby a little longer just because there is no little person to take her place on my lap.

So what am I, a mother in the 21st century, supposed to teach my five beautiful daughters? I honestly believe that we need to teach our children from our own mistakes. I am very thankful that I married a fiscally responsible man. I never was good with money, still struggle, but the best thing I ever learned was how to live on a budget. So yes, I am starting to teach them the value of a dollar. If they want something besides a necessity, they need to save up money. Since they do not receive money for chores, it can take a long time. But we are starting to work on this important tool.

Education is important, but not the most important. My undergraduate was a waste. I didn’t know what I wanted to do and therefore had to go to grad school to get the job I was seeking. Stupid me. My girls are being homeschooled and whether they go to college will depend on what they want to do. Doctors and mechanics need different skill sets. They better be prepared, both mentally and financially, for college. They can live with us and eat with us, but we are not paying for college. They can get loans or scholarships like their parents. Or they can choose to go into a vocation, or work retail, or become a nun. I just want them to be happy and not floundering through life. 

Life skills are very important. My daughters will learn to cook, clean, and do laundry. Not because they are women, but because one day they will need to do these tasks on their own. I learned it, my husband learned it, they will learn it. Not many people know that my husband has had to live on his own quite a bit in our marriage. He has gone to training that lasted anywhere from two to eight months. In one place he had his own mini-kitchen and I shared some of his favorite recipes so he could still eat as if home. This is not a sexist thing, it is a survival thing. If we had five sons, they would learn these skills, too.

I will teach them how to care for other people. Right now they care for our family. The older girls help out with the younger ones. The older two just learned to change a diaper. Not all the time, but they like to help out in this way. Unless it is a #2, which I don’t want to change either. Or they will get their sister a drink or open her cheese stick. Not rocket science, but learning to help someone else in need. We have also started doing small acts of community service such as packing book bags, making Thanksgiving food boxes, laying wreaths at the Veteran’s Cemetery, and donating our time to clean for someone or donating needed items or cooking a meal. As they get older we hope to add other activities such as visiting homeless shelters and soup kitchens, visiting nursing homes, and eventually visiting prisoners. Yes, jail. They will need to be 18, of course, but one of my most rewarding experiences was sharing my faith with prisoners. And they would go with their dad because it is prison. 

I will teach them how to deal with being female. I cannot wait for puberty (actually I can). It will be very interesting, to say the least. But we do need to talk about our bodies, our feelings, and what is going on. I am not looking forward to the conversation, but I want to start the conversation early so we can hopefully continue to talk about everything. And I mean everything. We need to talk about boys and feelings and our ownership of our bodies. And what it means to be Catholic and what is expected of both men and women when it comes to our sexuality. They understand how babies are born (and are grossed out), but we haven’t had the how babies are made conversation yet. As I said, my favorite topic.

I will teach them about relationships. One of the hardest things for me to do is tell people how it is. To be truthful. I don’t want to ruffle feathers or hurt feelings, so I am silent or avoid the topic. Not a great way to build relationships. We are practicing getting it all out there. Once a month we have a free Saturday. Greg and I go to Confession on the first Saturday of the month. That day the girls are allowed to tell us anything they have done in the past month that was bad, and no consequences. They may have hit their sister, lied, stolen candy out of the pantry, whatever. And they are forgiven. It is getting them ready for Confession, but also creating a dialogue where they will come to us when the telling gets more serious.

I will and am teaching them about God. We have a great homeschool curriculum with a built-in religion component. They are learning facts right now but we hope and pray it will become internal. They will pray on their own, they will read scripture on their own, they will love God on their own, and not because we tell them to. My relationship with God was spotty at best until I became an adult. I don’t want our girls to feel lost like I did.

I will tell them my mistakes. It will be tough, it will be embarrassing, it will be cleansing. The best teacher is failure. And they will fail, but hopefully not as much as I did. 

I will teach them forgiveness. My daughters cannot become anything, or say anything, or do anything that will make me love them less. I will always forgive them, I will always strive to understand them, even if I am disappointed. I may not agree with them, and may not support them if their decisions are detrimental to their body and soul, but I will never stop loving them. Because I am their mother. And my biggest role is to show them love through all our lessons until I leave this earth.

[lbsurratt]

What’s in a Name? Part 4

Today is December 16. Where did not only December, but 2015 go? We just got off a great weekend celebrating our number 4, Lucy Bernadette. The feast of St Lucy (or Lucia) of Sicily is December 13. She is the patron of light and eyesight. The story goes that Lucy was a beautiful maiden who refused to marry a wealthy man. As punishment she was offered death or to renounce God. She chose God. It is unclear, but at some point her eyes were removed, either by her or the men. Pretty gruesome either way. She lies in Venice in a beautiful church on the water, a testament of faith and deliverance in God. She is one of two martyrs we named our girls after (the other being St Julia of Corsica).

Bernadette was a young girl in Lourdes. Know the story? She was a sickly child, falling behind her siblings as they went into the fields. A lady appeared to her. She did not know at the time, but it was Our Lady. She helped Bernadette discover a spring in the grotto that has healed so many faithful over the years. This little saint is our Lucy’s middle name.

St. Lucy is fun because her feast day is celebrated in parts of northern Europe. She is clothed in white with a red sash, a wreath with candles on her head. When making Lucy’s saint peg doll I opted to use this image as it is a beautiful symbol of Christmas and purity.

This year we celebrated our spitfire with Mass, special donuts (no cinnamon roll wreath this year because of church), lunch, presents (Our Lady of Lourdes doll, St. Bernadette movie, St. Lucy paper doll), and an evening at Six Flags with rides, dinner, and dessert. 

I have many Christian friends, mostly Catholic, but other denominations. I get a lot of comments about our girls’ names. One older woman at our Christmas party remarked at how she loved the old school names we had chosen. We have an Emily, Clare, Julia, Lucy, and Katharine. The great thing about being Catholic is that we have great examples of good Christians. 

Other Christian denominations and other faiths do not understand the role of saints. We do not worship saints. They are not God. What they are is an example of how to live a good Catholic life. Do you look up to someone? Is it a parent, friend, priest, rabbi, reverend, philosopher, historical figure? Would you name your kid Abe after Lincoln? Or Martin after MLK? I know a lot of people who have chosen Old and New Testament names such as Sara, Ruth, Jacob, and Silas because of their story. The same applies to saints. We chose these saints as someone for our girls to look up to. We are not saints. It is great if my girls look up to me, but there are better, holier people for them to look up to. 

With the unrest in the world it is more important than ever that our girls know what a martyr is. We talk about the terror attacks here and abroad. We talk about religious persecution. They are shielded to an extent, especially from images, but they know that some people die for their faith. Some saints paid the ultimate sacrifice, some died of old age, but all lived a holy life dedicated to God and the teachings of Jesus Christ. Not all were perfect to begin with, but ended their lives in perfect grace with God. Because ultimately our home is not here, but in heaven. And we need to prepare in this life for the one coming after, whether in 80 years or 80 hours. By admiring those who went before us and trying to be like them, I think we are on the right track.

[lbsurratt]

Advent Traditions

I know December is coming all year yet the 12th month jumps out at me as if there were not 11 months leading up to it. It is one day before December and I am not ready for Advent. Well, I am ready for Advent, but my plans to make Advent special for our five girls are not ready.

This will be my fourth year doing Truth in the Tinsel with my girls. It is a Christ-centered preparation for Christmas. You read a Bible passage and do a corresponding craft for the item. For example, you make a pillow for baby Jesus, or you make the shepherds that watch by night. The book is great and there are templates and easy directions. But I have four children participating this year. Twenty four days of crafts is a lot. So this year I am doing a swap with two other moms and we will do seven days total. We still get the good stuff, but I am not preparing craft supplies every night.

Last year I bought a Christmas Angel. I was in a hurry so I pre-printed someone else’s ideas. This year I am going to write my own ideas. I bought a lot of things on clearance last year at Michael’s after Christmas, so we have lots of crafts to do plus we will add making cookies, Truth in the Tinsel items, some community service, and other focus on the reason for the season items. I have not made my schedule so I need to hop on that.

There are also lots of celebrations in December for our family. We leave our shoes for St. Nicholas for treats on December 6. Our Lucy celebrates her feast day December 13. We do cinnamon rolls in her classic wreath pose and will make head wreaths for the girls like St. Lucy in northern Europe - holly and ivy with candles.

Advent is not complete without an Advent wreath. I am already a day behind, but we have one and will pray over it every night before dinner. Last year we made our own beeswax candles. I forgot to order them this year but have an extra set of candles to use. Good thing we have a lot of random Catholic items just sitting around :)

We do decorate. I love putting up our Christmas tree. In the past we have not decorated until Christmas Eve, but this year we have two trees due to a kind donation from a friend, so I am thinking we can have a girls tree for their stuff and a family tree with my color scheme (always gold, red, burgundy, and silver). I also love our staircase - lots of garland and handmade bows. We experimented with lights on our banister last year. I really want to put lights on the outside of the house on bushes or something. Our two-story home would cost over $500 to get someone to hang lights, so we are stuck with what we can do. 

Advent is not complete without a Nativity. We have a beautiful one we got while in Germany. I also have the plastic one for the kids. Last year we had a scavenger hunt to find all the pieces. Angel item to do! I also have a template for a Nativity Peg Doll set so I need to get started on that.

We do give gifts at Christmas. Santa comes to our house but he brings small things. Last year everything was from The Dollar Tree - coloring books, crafts. We gifted the girls with a playset that the grandparents contributed to. We had the windows cardboarded for over a month and no outside play. It was truly a surprise! This year we bought season tickets to Six Flags as their/our gift. They already know that one since we have gone twice. Not every family can afford expensive gifts, or does not choose to get their kids the latest gadgets, so I think it is important that Santa is frugal. This year I am getting the girls raincoats (needed) and a sticker book on the Princess Parables. They also get candy and toothbrushes in their stockings. I am making their additional gifts from us - scarves, knit dolls, and aprons. Wish me luck!

Emily’s birthday is December 26, so we always need things for her. We make a cake for Jesus for his birthday and sing to him first thing Christmas morning. Emily is getting cupcakes - variety. I am knitting her a Princess Leia bun hat (yeah, good luck), ordering cowboy boots (Texan), and she will get her first watch. Small things, mostly needed, but things she wants.

Wow. It is November 30 and I look at this list and say, what am I getting myself into? Just like Lent, Advent is a time to reflect on the birth of Christ. Without Him, we would be in serious trouble. We already are with the state of the world today. We try to model our life by the two greatest commandments - Love God, Love Each Other. This Advent I want my girls to serve others, serve each other, and have a little fun, all the time keeping Jesus the center of everything. When we get to Christmas, if I have accomplished half of the things on my list, or only two, as long as we do not get lost in the minutiae of it all, I will be one happy momma.

Happy Advent! Merry Christmas! Peace on Earth!

[lbsurratt]

Celebrating All Saints and that other holiday...

This is a big weekend. Tomorrow, our little girls will dress up as characters from The Wizard of Oz, knock on doors, get way too much sugar, and hopefully say thank you every time. It is Halloween, my least favorite holiday. For now I am okay with hitting a few houses because our children love the idea of free candy. We live in a large neighborhood where people decorate outside like it is Christmas. There are costumes in every store, including the grocery store. So we participate.

But, there are a few rules. One, we only dress up as nice characters. Our daughters have been princesses most years because we had a closetful of princess costumes. This year two received Dorothy dresses for their birthday or feast day. So Aurora became Glinda, I found a $5 witch costume, and $5 lion ears and tail. The baby will wear Minnie and be a lollipop kid. We will grab two baskets and put a stuffed toy dog in them, and we are off to the see the wizard. If my children ever ask to be something demonic or sexy, no more Halloween.

**Halloween Princesses and Minnie 2012

Second, they may have a few pieces of candy the night of trick-or-treating. Then we take 20 pieces out of their bag for use over the next week (after lunch or dinner when they are good). This year instead of hording candy in the pantry, I am planning to donate it to a Refugee play date being sponsored by another homeschool mom. She is throwing a party for refugee children and have invited us Catholic homeschooling families to join in. Her son gave up his birthday party to do this. I hope my children have great ideas like this, too. We may be able to make the play date, but that is our confession Saturday and we go to Mass. So our candy will go to children who may not get a lot of sweets (minus Reese’s cups, they are mine).

Third, with it being a Saturday, we will start our day with Mass and the Eucharist. Our day will be a family day with time spent together, including that pesky trick-or-treat thing.

But I don’t want to focus on this day. I want to focus on the day after, All Saints Day. There are a few Holy Days of Obligation in the Catholic Church. We always go on Sunday because it is required, not a suggestion. There are also Holy Days. Unless your diocese has chosen to push the Holy Day to a Sunday, you are required to go to church on that day - Solemnity of Mary (Jan 1), Ascension of Jesus (May 14), All Saints (Nov 1), Immaculate Conception (Dec 8) and Christmas (Dec 25). 

This year our diocese pushed Ascension to Sunday. And All Saints is actually on a Sunday, so many are getting two for one. But I believe if people truly believed that Jesus was present in the Eucharist, they would be banging down the door to go every day. I would love to go every day and it is a goal. The one week I went to Mass six times was an awesome week. My day is better when I start it with Mass and the Eucharist. 

So, All Saints. What are you supposed to do? Most of us have a patron saint, either a saint we were named after or one we chose for ourselves at Confirmation or as an adult. We celebrate the feast days of all our children’s saints. We specifically named them after saints we admired. So on All Saints we keep it simple. We talk about Saints, especially our own and others we admire. I take ideas from other Catholic moms, especially Lacey at wwww.catholicicing.com. We will use her snacks for All Saints again this year. Our daughters are going to dress up as a saint and have to tell a story about that saint. And we will make saint puppets and play with our saint dolls.

** Saint Dolls to Occupy Our Day

Why should we admire saints when all you need is Jesus? Other Christian denominations think we worship Mary and the Saints. Do you worship someone you look up to? No, you try to emulate them. The Saints offer us an ideal of the type of person we need to strive to be. The sacrifice, the faith, the forgiveness, the putting God first above everything else. St. Maximillian Kolbe who took another man’s place at Auschwitz; St. Maria Goretti who forgave her attacker as he stabbed her multiple times; St. Clare who gave up a life of wealth to become a Poor Clare, serving Assisi and the faithful; Martin and Zellie Martin, just canonized almost two weeks ago. The Martins were a devout family with five daughters. Their love for their family was only eclipsed by their love for God. All five of their daughters became nuns, the most famous St. Therese, the little flower. A simple married couple of great faith, and they are saints. And there are numerous saints we don’t know about because they are not famous. 

**Our Parish All Saints Party 2012 - Dress with added accouterments - St Agnes (w/ Lamb), St Cecelia (w/ instrument), and St Joan (w/ sword and armor)

I pray every week during the consecration that the Lord helps make my daughters and my husband and myself saints. I fail regularly in my role as mother. I lose my temper, I yell, I do not accomplish what I must. But I pray every day. I go to Mass as often as I can. I make sure my daughters know about their faith. I pray that the knowledge we are giving them becomes wisdom and a passion for them. So on All Saints, I will pray, I will try to be a saint, and I will thank God for giving us such great examples of faithful people. 

[lbsurratt]

Planned Parenthood v Community Health Services

My ten cents on Planned Parenthood (PP). I took my information on PP from their most recent annual report, plus words out of Cecile Richards’ mouth. I have also linked to two articles with statistics from Democrats for Life and the National Review.

1. Private Donations - PP receives $775 million in private donations (59% of total) per year (2014 annual report)

2. Too Little on Medical - Only 65% of their budget is spent on medical procedures and medication

3. Non-Profit Shmofit - A staggering 16% spent on other than services (salary, fundraising, parties, first class tickets, etc). All non-profits should be functioning below 10% on this number. I refuse to donate my money to any operation that cannot put their money into their program.

4. No Boobies - They DO NOT provide mammograms. They refer out, just like any doctor. Better yet, go to a Community Health Center and get a free mammogram today.

5. 37% on No Babies - They say only 3% is abortion, yet IUDs, emergency contraception (morning after pill - mini abortion), vasectomy, and sterilization are 34% of their budget. These procedures are abortive in that you cannot get pregnant because of a surgical implant, you kill a possible pregnancy, and you sterilize yourself (mostly not for medical reasons, just because). This does not include birth control pills or condoms, which I personally see as abortive, but I digress. So permanent prevention of pregnancy is 37%. 

6.  Morals Shmorals - Their business is reproduction, or lack thereof. They provide abortions and abortive services, birth control, and treatment for STDs. So in essence, they are providing services for the morally bankrupt. The majority (not saying all because there are always exceptions) of people who need birth control and treatment for STDs are due to immoral behavior. If you are monogamous (both parties), why do you need their services? Due to a decrease in morals in America, we need to give them $528 million?

7. Big Salaries - They pay their CEO over $500K. This does not include first class plane tickets, throwing lavish parties for donors, and she lies (see mammogram note). She also said that no baby is ever born alive after abortion. So the two women testifying yesterday about being born after an abortion are confused about the circumstance of their birth. As are the many witnesses who quit PP after seeing a baby born alive and left for dead or killed by the doctor.

8. No Love for the Country - Planned Parenthood is almost exclusively in cities, not rural America. They only focus on reproductive health (or lack of reproduction) which is your uterus or your penis (sorry). Community Health Centers outnumber PP ten to one. They provide reproductive services (minus abortions) plus all other medical needs (for free). See http://thefederalist.com/2015/08/03/fact-check-the-largest-womens-health-care-provider-in-america-is-not-planned-parenthood/ for staggering numbers of PP v. Community Health Centers

9. Stop Federal Funding - I don't care if Planned Parenthood exists. As you say, your body, your business. I don’t believe that because a baby is not your body, but a human being who will one day be outside of you. But you do. So I will respect that. I do care if we, the taxpayer, have to pay for it. Streamline PP salaries and they could operate on their current private donations. If federal funding were cut, they would make up the 10 - 15% needed (for other services and reasonable salaries) in a couple days from outraged citizens and liberals (Democrat, Republican, and Independent).

10. We Disagree, but I l Love You - I will not post pictures of babies in plastic tubs, unrefrigerated. I will not post pictures of baby limbs after an abortion. Use your imagination. I have seen them and they give me nightmares. The PP videos do not show photographic evidence. They rely on testimony from current and past workers from PP. If you believe they are all liars, so be it. We disagree. I hope we can agree that we see this issue in a different way. I probably will not convince you to follow my opinion, you will not convince me to follow yours. But please respect mine as I respect yours. If you do not want to see posts about life, please respectfully unfriend me. I am pro-life. And if you are pro-choice, then you should believe we have the choice to not buy into this business. 

Please see http://www.nationalreview.com/article/42178/planned-parenthood-womens-health for more opinions on this issue. 

Plus this annual report from December 2014 for PP http://issuu.com/actionfund/docs/annual_report_final_proof_12.16.14_/0. 

[lbsurratt]

A Confession Story

I’m really struggling to keep my mouth shut. I can see why people feel it is okay to cheat, lie, and steal. Pick a news story - Ashley Madison stories, any political/election story. We live in a society where anything goes. I feel blessed that I know people of many faiths - Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Atheist, Agnostic, Protestant, Methodist, Baptist, Non-denominational Christian. But we are different.

First, there are two things that will keep me Catholic - the Eucharist and history. One part of my history, which is in the Bible, is the act of Confession. Many people believe in Confession, but it takes a different form depending on your belief system. In the Catholic faith we confess our sins to a priest and then have Penance, an Act of Contrition that can include prayer but above all includes a change in behavior. 

The problem with society today is that we do something wrong and after confessing we feel we can do it again. The reason I like that we in the Catholic faith confess to a priest has many parts. First, you have to say it to someone out loud. God knows our sins. We do not need to vocalize it unless we are saying it to someone else because He already knows. Saying it to a priest, not just your best friend, takes a different form.

Second, the priest offers advice to avoid that sin. After many confessions and many moves, I have found a priest who is a great confessor. He gives me advice - great advice - on how to be a better person. He gives you an Act of Contrition which can vary from prayers to actions. For example, one time my penance was to practice being quiet. A lot of my sin stemmed from things that came out of my mouth (yelling, hurtful words, etc), so being quiet was indeed a penance and a difficult thing to do. 

Third, you can go to confession as much as you want. The church requires you to go at least once a year. I go once a month. To be honest, I had a 14-year gap between Confirmation and finally reaffirming my faith shortly before my marriage. I didn’t know a lot back then, and I hope I have learned a lot since then. Once a month allows me to remember specific things and make a good Confession. Can you imagine a whole year of every time you lost your temper, every lie, every bad thing you may have done to someone else? It is too much to remember. The Act of Contrition allows for sins you don’t remember, but still, at the end of our lives I picture Jesus with a big book about me. I want the good side to outweigh the bad side - by a lot. This includes what I confess. My punishment becomes less, but the effects of my sin do not disappear. (I will save my thoughts on heaven, hell, and purgatory for another time)

The Old Testament has 10 commandments. They are really good commandments, ideals to be a good person. In the New Testament Jesus makes everything new. He summarized the 10 into 2 - in short love God, love each other. The problem with people today is people love themselves, then other people, and maybe God, but not really. If we put God first, as in we try to emulate Jesus and how he treated others, then we will treat others right, too.

We teach our daughters that God comes first, others come second, and then everything else, to include ourselves. Before you do anything, if you honestly think What Would Jesus Do?, half the time you will probably not do it. And being forced to confess because you were found out is not confessing. It is being found out. Once saved, always saved, right? It doesn’t work that way. It is hard to be a good Christian. It is even harder to be a good Catholic. 

Nothing is worth doing if there isn’t some challenge. Just look at marriage, and raising children. Oh wait, you can get divorced, abort your child, pass your kids off to others so you do not need to parent. I know there are laws that allow these things, but if you look at the state of society, just because you can doesn’t mean you should. 

In conclusion, unless we are truly willing to change our behavior we will continue the sick cycle of hurting ourselves, those we love, and in my opinion, God. I am not judging. I am loving. I am also sad, but I still love each and every one of you. I am also a sinner. But my love makes me feel more accountable for my actions. I have to make changes to be a better wife, mother, daughter, and person. I wish people would think about love before their own desires. And do you really want to change? If so, great. If not, I still love you, but that’s why I am sad for you.

[lbsurratt]

What’s in a Name (part 3)

Clare Bear, CJ, #2. Naming our second daughter was easy for us. I think I picked out her name when I was still pregnant with our first born Emily. Greg had been deployed for 7 months and came home to a very pregnant me. We took a driving tour through Italy to spend time together. We made it a pilgrimage hitting Siena, Orvieto, Lanciano, San Giovanni, Rome and Vatican City, Florence, Pisa, and Assisi. 

Clare of Assisi is such a wonderful saint. She was a rich young woman, inspired by St. Francis and his vow of poverty. She gave up everything, including the physical shedding of her long, curly blond hair. She formed the Poor Clares. At first her family shunned her, but eventually her sister and mother joined her order. When the Moors were attacking Assisi, legend says she held the Monstrance with the Blessed Sacrament through the window at San Damiano, scaring them away and saving the city. She is an example of sacrifice, faith, and love of Christ.

We chose Jordan after Blessed Jordan of Saxony. Father Jordan was a Dominican, known as a great orator bringing many into the Dominican order. He is also known for introducing parts of our modern mass, like the homily and the Salve Regina at the end of Compline. Jordan is also the river where Jesus was baptized. And its a cool name.

Our Clare Jordan was born March 26, 2009. She is our most compassionate child, always giving things up to make others happy. She is sensitive, loving, musical, and very athletic. Her feast day is August 11. This year we started the day with mass with the Carmelite Sisters, fun at a bounce house, and food out of her choice - pizza and Chic-fil-A.

Last year we celebrated her feast day outside and I ended up being admitted the next day to have baby #5 due to very low fluid. So it was a full week of celebrations, Clare’s feast day on August 11 and Katharine’s first birthday on August 13.

[lbsurratt]

Quantity, Quality, or Both?

I am a walking advertisement wherever I go. I pull up in my mini-van, unload one, two, three, four, five little girls, use my arms/double stroller/shopping cart, and get it done. “It” is grocery shopping, clothes shopping, YMCA, Mass, visiting friends, doctor’s appointments, etc. I usually get a few looks and at least a comment or two. The most common, “Are they all yours?” The other day a woman asked this, and said, “I know they all look alike, but...” Yes, they are all mine and Greg’s, gloriously made. So how did we get to five?

When Greg and I started dating we talked about many things. We went to Engaged Encounter about a year before we were married and had already discussed most of the topics that were presented that weekend. Religion - Same, Money - Budget, Kids - 2, Work after kids? - No. Wait, two? 

So we got married, moved to Germany and played for three years. We traveled to many countries, made some awesome memories, and ate a lot of schnitzel. Then Greg deployed and we found out were expecting baby #1. I am one of the lucky ones. Besides some spotting in the early months and a few issues with three pregnancies (high blood pressure with one, low fluid with two), I have had easy pregnancies. I have never had the heartbreak of miscarriage. Once we got pregnant, it was easy to get pregnant over and over again.

Our first two children are 15 months apart. Once we were pregnant with #2, the question of are we done came up. No, we felt that God was blessing us with children and we could handle up to 4 and we could still do things we wanted to. So baby #3 came 14 months after #2. Then baby #4 was born 18 months later. Our oldest was one month shy of 4 and we had 4. 

We were quite content for a while with our 4 little girls, I got my strange comments but if anything, our little family was a testament that 4 children are a blessing and doable. I handled them pretty well and we still made great memories as a family of 6. We even did Disney World with all 4 by ourselves and had a blast. Then something happened. I lost my fertility. Long story short, we had a very stressful move with crooked movers. It all turned out well in the end with us vindicated, but the stress of the ordeal messed me up and I stopped ovulating - at 36. 

So here I was, blessed with 4, but heartbroken that the opportunity for a 5th or 6th or whatever was gone. I hadn’t even though about it but once it was gone, it was like being kicked in the gut. I went to a doctor who told me the best way to kick start my system was to go on artificial birth control, which I was against. There was no guarantee it would work or what the side effects would be. The doctor also had a policy that no children were allowed to doctor’s visits. So if I had an issue and had to see this doctor, Greg had to take the day off work or I had to hire a babysitter. How can an OB who delivers babies not want babies in his office? So more stress.

Suffice it to say I took a natural hormone to kick start my system, exercised a lot, and ate well, mostly vegan. And guess what, I got regular again. This whole ordeal taught me, though, that I longed for at least one more baby. So I was soon pregnant with #5. I also took it as a blessing because baby #4 is a challenge, so God was giving me a good space between them. With an early delivery due to low fluid, they are 33 months apart (2 yrs 9 mo).

Through all our blessings, I have to give a shout out to my partner in crime. I couldn’t have 5 children if he was not as open to it. Greg gave up some of his dreams in order for us to have a big family. The job he has, the places we have lived, all so he could provide for us. The biggest dream he gave up is a private airplane. He has been a pilot since 16. At first it was 2 kids so we could get a 4-seater, then 4 with a 6-seater plane. Then it was abandoned because we would never leave a child behind and we are not millionaires (we would need a private jet now). He thought, what if I stand before God and He says that my child would have cured cancer or become a priest if I had just been open to more? He decided to focus on hobbies that kept him closer to home instead, which we are very thankful for.

We just went on our first family vacation since baby #5 to Silver Dollar City in Branson, MO. We had a great time and it was totally doable just the 2 of us with our 5. It would have been nice to go on a roller coaster with my husband, but everyone got to go on rides of their choosing with mommy and daddy and together. I definitely know who the daredevils are, and funny that our wild #4 does not like the fast ones. She is 3, almost 4, so we’ll give her time. 

We have 5 beautiful daughters who love God, love each other, and show us love every day. We have a big family, especially by today’s standards, but even when it’s hard I look around at my messy house and revel in our organized chaos.