“Sometimes I really believe it, that I am going to save my life a little.”
— Mary Oliver, from section 4 of “The Return,” What Do We Know: Poems and Prose Poems (Da Capo Press, 2002)
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“Sometimes I really believe it, that I am going to save my life a little.”
— Mary Oliver, from section 4 of “The Return,” What Do We Know: Poems and Prose Poems (Da Capo Press, 2002)
Recently I decided to start a diary and bought a nice copy book with an image of Ismailiyya, one of the most beautiful buildings - symbols of Baku. Ismailiyya is unsual architecture for Baku built in 1908-1913 in Venetian-Gothic style.
having a huge collection of crystals, reading spells at midnight, spending time on the kitchen, collecting herbs and making from them potions and cooking magic dishes in order to bring love and happiness
spending time reading classical novels, playing with a cat, wearing vintage dresses, collecting flowers near the house, watering plants, wandering in the nearest park and talking with myself loudly, being at home and feeling safe
Maghrebi gothic
Is this a thing? Well I'll make it a thing.
> the gathering of old women at the front of the house hear the happy cries of a family not far. A marriage proposal has been accepted. They shake their heads as they whisper "dewha". ("They've taken her". Another woman is lost to marriage and no one interferes).
>there are mosques everywhere. The people who build them believe that for every prayer prayed there, their good deeds will rise. But everyone knows, it won't diminish their sin count. There is nothing more soul sucking than knowing that.
>there is animalistic anger in the fights that happen between family members. The animosity terrifies the children, hardens the teens and sets a fire in the souls of the adults. The cycle continues.
>but God forbid someone spits at a sister, back bites a mother, looks down on a son or cheats a father. There is nothing like the age old fury that becomes ignited in the family members as they move to defend. The savagery reminds the onlookers that although we are developing as a country, our roots are deeply imbeded in a blinded loyalty that belongs to our tribes and ancestors.
>everyone smiles. You must except their kindness and repay it tenfold. You don't know what happens if you don't do so. You're too scared to find out.
> the Imams lie about what's written in the Holy scripture. Even though the younger generation is learning how to read, they won't speak up.
>the sand storms arrive without a warning. You're in the middle of crossing a road when the cloud of sand sweeps over the area. You try to finish crossing the road but your cousin grabs you. Everything stops. The cars, the people, the birds and the horses. Once the storm has dispersed everything resumes to normal.
> the buildings have no roofs. There is no rain in this land, only droughts.
> "women are the devil's creation. That's why we deserve to be hurt". You bite your tongue and clench your hands as your aunt explains the Holy scripture. You bite harder because she's wrong, she's wrong, she's wrong. You taste blood in your mouth and see it seeping from your palms. You calm down.
>the pathways run red as once a year these people sacrifice a sheep to their God.
>you turn to talk to your mother in her language. Suddenly everyone's gaze is upon you. You ask your aunt about it. "they are allowed to look". You look back at them and they still stare. You lose.
> everyone's sick. Everyone has some sort of medication they must take. You ask your mom about it. "there's a phosphorus site near by. It's close to the town's water supply".
> you and your family are invited for dinner. You accept. No one ever declines an invitation.
> an infection sweeps the town. 67 children die. Your earphones aren't enough to block the screams of the mother nor the muttering of the words "black eye".
> no one speaks about the mentally ill boy next door. After fifteen summer holidays spent here you find out that his father had slammed his son's head so hard into the tiled wall that no one dares to look at the broken tiles when they come to visit the family.
> your mother never let's you drink tap water. The one time she sees you drinking it she shouts at you. Now you only ever drink bottled water from the shops.
>your parents always bring gifts for the relatives but it's never enough. Nothing's ever good enough. They're learning.
Rainer Maria Rilke, Journal of My Other Self
@bibliophilesnet mission 1: favourite book
aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe by benjamin alire sáenz
To be careful with people and with words was a rare and beautiful thing.
“Don’t let it break you. No matter how hard things get, life goes on.”
— Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
07.11.2019
Past two days weren't really nice nor productive and today's also not going to be productive but it's okay because it's nice sitting here doing homework, watching horror movies and eating Humbugs.
You shouldn’t try to stop everything from happening. Sometimes you’re supposed to feel awkward. Sometimes you’re supposed to be vulnerable in front of people. Sometimes it’s necessary because it’s all part of you getting to the next part of yourself.
Cecelia Ahern (via quotemadness)
wearing lace dresses and settling fancy parties, drinking red wine at midnight, listening to the Beatles with your friends, reading second hand books and visiting art galleries with your lover
An afternoon in annotations
“A thousand Dreams within me softly burn.”
— Arthur Rimbaud (via quotemadness)
i wish i had my copy of kafka’s diaries with me because every entry goes something like this:
Sunday. I woke up in great pain and coughed up blood. Had coffee. Later I went to the theatre and a woman looked at me, but I could not make eye contact because I am repulsive. I am full of terror. I wish Goethe was alive because only he truly understood me.