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@learn-grow-change-blog
Fighting through
I’m in a crowded room
Screaming
But no one hears me
Trying not to panic
Consoling myself
They turn into zombies
Telling me, one at a time
“Get over it”
“Grow up”
“I have my own problems”
I keep my chin up
And tell myself that i got this
The tears run down my cheek
Everything i was ever taught
Is a lie
I thought i had a good
Loving
Open
Generous heart
But the cold world is telling me
Fuck that
Be hard
Grow thick skin
Every man for himself
This suicidal ideation
Is different then from when i was young
This is real life shit
“Be happy”
“Think positive”
I am trying
Writing while I’m drowning
Then as i take a huge gulp
Of the sea water
I feel the foor
So i push with all my might
I land on the beach
Peace
Serenity
Strength
I got this
Even if it’s a little pink rock
That’s making my mind believe
This beach is real
It’s getting me through
After all
No one heard me scream
You’re stronger than you think
A grown woman can handle anything thrown her way
That was my first mistake
Living too long in the opinion of others
Didn’t see my own strength
It was like Delilah cut my hair
And i was a slave to the world
But i thank God I’m a woman
We are the strongest creatures on earth
It was through birth that i was reborn
All of a sudden i have a brand new life to bring up
No one by my side
Like Solomon i was blind
Brainwashed to believe i couldn’t do it
Cried and cried
But those tears were prayers
Those tears were repetitions
Turning weakness into muscle
Every corner i turned i was pushed against a wall
But never did i stop fighting
Never did i stay down
My little guy needed me
I had to carry the both of us now
As my mind got stronger
The battles got larger
Still crying crying
Still working still growing
Finally i reached beast mode
Both physically and mentally
There’s nothing in this world that can stop me
There’s nothing in this world for me to fear
All the lies i heard for so long
They still try to creep back in my mind
But beast mode doesn’t hold back
YOU WONT WIN
Not this time
Surrounded by misery
I revoked the membership to that club
Ripped it up and filled my space with beauty
Daily kisses from my son
That’s all the love i need
I look into his eyes and i hear
Mommy you’re alive
We got this my child you and i
Us against the world
And i will always have your back
Lead by example and show you just how great you are
You are greater than mommy and will go so far
But until you’re ready to break away
I will carry you
For too long i was a prisoner of my environment
Now I’m bossed up
Only bosses allowed in my space
Miss me with that needy shit
Don’t bother with the games
My loyalty is strong
My value is increasing daily
If you can’t rock with the level im on
Fall back
And watch this queen reign