Teaching Consent in the Classroom
Hi- I teach 1st graders in the Mississippi Delta and my kids can tell you that “Yes means yes!” and “No means no!” oh and “Stop means stop!” My kids really get what consent means.
These seems to be hard concepts for many adults to understand so I thought, hey there is no better way to start my teaching journey online than by sharing something valuable to all!
My 1st graders came into the classroom touching everyone. Kids were constantly playing with each others braids, or shirts or ear lobes (kids are strange creatures…) or patting someones arm. This is all normal behavior for children of this age, so when I first started teaching I just ignored it. None of my kids seems necessarily upset by it and honestly we had some other classroom management issues to address (i.e. HITTING!).
Well, a week into this I heard one girl say “stop touching my hair” and the little boy kept swinging her little braid back and forth. None of this seemed vindictive, he was spaced out and when she pushed his hand away he stopped. But what an eye opener that way, consent needs to be TAUGHT to children y’all and we have pretty much failed to do so.
Right then and there I stopped my lesson, reading can wait, and we talked about consent as a class. We talked about how our bodies belong to us and only us, no one has a right to touch our bodies until we give them permission.* I wanted to be realistic and not just stop the touching, I wanted my children to learn a valuable lesson of asking permission, waiting for a response and learning what to do with that response. And also the fact that I do not control my students bodies, if they are okay with a friend touching their braid, or back or ear lobe, that is not up to me.
If we want to play with someones braid or touch their ear (for some reason…) we have to ask them by saying “Jayla, may I please touch your braid?” and then we wait for them to answer us.
If someone says yes, we may only do the action until they tell us to stop. Stop means we must stop immediately. “STOP MEANS STOP.” If the friend we asks says no, we say “Okay, I respect your choice.” We do not try to convince our friend to change their mind, we do not touch our friend anyway, we say to ourselves, “NO MEANS NO.”
Every day after this little meeting we chanted in the mornings “No means… NO!”, “Yes means… YES!” and “Stop means… STOP!”
The kids got this quickly and pretty pain free! A week later one of my girls was sitting at his seat and one of my more sensory kids was touching her arm, she looked at the girl in the eyes and said “You did not ask me permission. You may NOT touch me without permission. Ms. Smith says my body belongs to me!” and by God if the other girl did not pull away and say “Dez. I am sorry for touching you without asking first, will you forgive me?“**
And then about a week later when we were lining up one of the little boys asked a little girl if he could fix her braid, she said yes, and then almost immediately changed her mind and said “stop,” he had his little fingers caught in her hair and tried to pull away gently but she was not pleased and yelled “STOP MEANS STOP DARIAN!”
*Yes, we later talked about all the crazy scenarios only a 6 year old can come up with where someone would need to touch you. “Ms. Smith! What if I am in an accident and bleeding and can’t tell the police to help me!” or “What if someone has a poisonous spider on their arm?” You know that kinda stuff. ;)
**We have had another serious conversation about how to form a proper apology.
All names changed for privacy.
2087
blakekathryn
turnnoffyourmind
janainaart
jbbartram-illu
dededos
origamiaround