Eleanor.✨

mentally ill artist. owner of @save-yourself-stay-alive

[wintercorrybriea]

balenciaga

[nickoraus]

[firstlovesuggestions]

I’m so proud of you all the time.

[sophangirl]

@leavreyes ❤️❤️❤️

[save-yourself-stay-alive]

i’m a kind of proud of myself today and here’s a little advice 💖🖤

it’s always expected of me to breakdown and harm myself or do anything self damaging, sometimes even something manipulative towards people around me, whenever im having an episode. but earlier is something different. i was lying down in bed around 3am, i was doing nothing, so naturally, i started drowning in my negative thoughts. as far as you’ve read it sounds bad, but it doesn’t end that way. i shook my head as if shaking off the loud thoughts and stood up from my bed. i didn’t dwell on it. i got my journals out and started drawing. i didn’t even draw my feelings, i drew a self portrait. when i was a bit done i went outside while it’s still dark, had some coffee and cigarettes as i watched the sunrise.

this is one of the very few times i got myself out of an almost hellhole of a breakdown and nonstop self damage that, for sure if i started, would last for days. i know most of you could relate that it really is hard to have yourself distracted from all the negativity when all you feel is worthlessness and invalidity, but i am telling you that it is possible. every time you catch yourself that you’re on the edge of having a breakdown, when you catch yourself overthinking, ALWAYS try to drift your attention to literally anything else.

i know that this one tiny thing of me getting out of a depressive episode may not be that impressive, but i’m still proud and happy for myself because i know i saved myself from days of complete depression and self harm.

take care of yourself and try to always be aware of what you’re thinking. we can’t always let ourselves drift away with our thoughts, whether it might be reminiscing a traumatizing past, endless “what ifs”, thinking of negative possibilities and self doubt. always get out of your head when you’re thinking too much about things you shouldn’t be thinking much about.

you can do this and i love you.

xo,

L

[leavreyes]

here is a study ask ```planner, bullet journal, both, or neither?```

hello! i guess neither? bullet journals, despite the hype, is kinda actually like a planner too anyway, but a lot artistic and trendy. based on what i see i mean. so, since i've never really been a fan of traditional planners and planning in general (lol), im saying neither. altho! i REALLY love blank journals. they're my weakness! especially when i see blank, black leather hard bound journals,,, goodness i spend my money on those expensive shit even if i havent filled my old ones lol. i draw a lot on them. altho u may see some photos of my journals that kind of 'looks' like a bullet journal ?? but it's definitely not as it's just some random things i collect and stick and write in there so it's a mess haha. 💖💖💖💖

[leavreyes]

date unknown | apparently i wrote down "i need to see my psychiatrist asap!" back in 010116 or january 01, 2016. i don't even remember what happened 😩😩 oh well, bad things happen to me all the time anyway that im not surprised something came up at the very first day of the year of 2016 🤣

[leavreyes]

you're damn pretty !!!

nooo omg but you are!!! ❤ ily! xo

[leavreyes]

september 9, 2018 - a day with my sister 🖤💖

[leavreyes]

I’m sorry to the people I hurt while I was hurting.

October 12, 2015 | 1:04 pm

I cut again today. Just once. No reason. I just missed it. Craved the feeling.

October 15, 2015 | 4:55 pm

I’m sorry to the people I hurt while I was hurting.

November 20, 2015 | 1:00 pm

It’s getting bad again. I’m getting bad again. I started cutting again for the first time in a couple of weeks or more. I found out that my friends are backstabbing me. Making fun of my depression. Someone told me that when they came by to me and my roommate’s apartment, they were joking around, saying that they’re scared of laying on my bed because there might be blades or something that could accidentally cut them. It’s just sad because I was always there for them and now I feel like they’re totally neglecting me. I’m seeing my psychiatrist this afternoon. I’ll tell her all about this. I hope she says something that will help. She always does.

[leavreyes]

august 17, 2018 | throwback ink art

[leavreyes]

Ur bangs look awesome!

it's gone long now! as in it covers my eyes :( but i'm planning on trimming it again haha i miss my bangs 🤣

[leavreyes]

june 25, 2018 | had my first psychodynamic therapy session with my new psychiatrist. he wasn't so bad :)

[leavreyes]

june 30, 2018 | hair inspired by Gamora from Guardians of the Galaxy and Infinity War 😏

[leavreyes]

june 11, 2018 | glitter gold

[leavreyes]

june 11, 2018 | i was consulted by a new psychiatrist today after my recent psychiatrist referred me to a new one because she can’t handle my case anymore. the session went well and he said we’ll have a psychodynamic therapy for a couple of weeks. xoxo

[leavreyes]

Are you still at art school, and how's it going? Your work looks amazing!

yes i'm still in art school! and wow aww thank you very very much!! love you and take care. xoxo

[leavreyes]

052118 | my little boy Freeman ❤

[leavreyes]

062618 | i actually liked my hair here. good morning!