beau papillon

vsco.co/beaupapillon/

[lecafepapillon]

i can't beat your first love

there is a famous saying,

a first love is something that lasts forever in your heart. it's something that marks you. ᅳ Elodie Yung

agree.

i can't beat your first love. do you see yourself,

how you told me every single thing about your first love calmly. but i know, deep inside your heart was beating so fast. your mind was full, you wanted to pour everything out to me. to the world. to the outer space.

how your body reacts differently every time your first love is in your sight. you're like having your own rhythm in your ears, different beats of heart. you go like the ocean conqueror, slaying wave after wave.

i can't beat your first love. you can't see these on your own but let me tell you,

how your eyes sparkle when you hear your first love is around you. the stars even get jealous, so damn lucky. cheesy, i know. but that's what you do.

how your smile risen up softly, gosh so pretty. later on, you'll always end up smiling brighter than the sun in the summertime. and i never wanna lose it again.

how your gaze changes, well depends. sometimes it twinkles, oh so much cheekiness. sometimes it feels like a hunter targeting a prey. sometime it eagers to attract others, to fall into your trap. but also, sometimes it changes to as sweet as honey drips.

i can't beat your first love. because you still love them. and you'll always love them. because that's why you breathe for life. for them. the music and dance, i will never beat them.

but i know one thing for sure, i love you and your first love. your first ambition. your first passion. i love you and your whole world.

and i know, you know, we know, tho i'm not your first love, you love me too.

ᅳ

picture credit: Who Do I See

[lecafepapillon]

hey, astronaut

once i called you the lost astronaut, the one i wished to come back safely. the one i secretly asked if he was okay daily. and now you're home. but, why do i feel you're not in sight of mine sometimes?

there were many times i wanted to hug you. there were many chances i wanted to give some pats on your back. i always want to assure you that:

you can be you you can do whatever you want you can smile, laugh, and joke around also you can cry, scream, or just stay in silence

i'm a human. and so are you. nothing can invalidate how you express your feeling, your both sadness and happiness, your joy and anger. you can run, but nothing can stop you to slow down your pace. you can fly, but nothing can drag you down. not me, not him, not her, not them, also... not you, your ownself.

you know you the best.

hey, no-longer-lost-astronaut remember that you're already at home. but, the space is still too vast to explore. and i always get my spacecraft ready. you know, you can always come in.

but, remember

everything is, again, up to you. when the new journey is ready, i'll be more ready.

[lecafepapillon]

at the corner of the cafe

she was sitting at the corner of the cafe. a glass of ice americano on the table accompanying her, still full and untouched. afternoon sunlight came in through the window beside her, giving such a warm vibe. everything seemed normal, it could be captured as an aesthetic for tumblr or pinterest post.

but not with her heart. nor her fingers.

they tapped on the table. one... two... three.... the longer it became faster as her patience dropped to the lowest. at last, she hit the table with her fist. it was the accumulation of frustration and anger inside her.

she closed her eyes till you could see the wrinkles on her forehead. her hand rubbed her face roughly. "Stupid." she looked outside the window, right through the street in front of this cafe. she could feel the isolation between her and the people out there.

her stare was getting blurry, her mind flew back to two years ago, at this very same spot.

he, with his white shirt and dark blue jeans, reached his hand out towards her while saying his name. the most interesting name she had ever known. his smile, she would never forget that friendly and warm smile that day. the smile that brought her into his arms. his voice, his laugh, his gaze. she would never get enough.

until a month ago....

she found out the she was not the only one he called 'my love'. she was just one of few fools who fell in love with him. all those tears that flooded down on her face, the shouts as she cursed him, those all were still fresh in her memory. the last sentence she heard from him before she walked away was

"I must have really lost my mind, I’m sorry...."

now, she just wanted to embrace the pain by coming to the most memorable place between them. with the bitterness of americano, she hoped it could wash her broken heart away. she walked out of the cafe. although her steps feel too heavy to make it through without him, she should never stop. to the new page of her life,

adios.

ᅳ

picture source: https://id.pinterest.com/pin/418553359126764734/

[lecafepapillon]

i just really like you

i'm looking at you again. this thought suddenly comes again, every damn time i look at you. "why do i love you so much?"

sometimes i get scared by my own feeling. this fluttering heart, butterfly inside my stomach... so unfamiliar. is it okay to love someone this much? do i have rights to get this exploison of feeling towards you like this? what have you done to my mind? my feeling? my heart?

what power do you have?

i'm still looking at you. now i can feel the corner of my lips rising, bit by bit. am i... smiling? just by... looking at you?

i try to look at the other side. but why your image is still in my sight? that movements of your shoulders when you are giggling... how your eyes are closed while you're laughing... the hand of yours brushing that dark brown hair... why? why do i still catch you in my sight even after i look at other side?

i give up. my eyes move to you again. isn't it interesting, how you can love someone this much? this enormous feeling.... you don't have to do something grand, just smile, laugh, giggle, soft voice of yours... love still comes to you like this.

i guess i understand.

it's because i like you. no other reason. it DOESN'T NEED any reasons. i just like you, very much. honey, i just really love you.

ㅡ

inspired by:

[SKZ-Record] Changbin, Felix - 좋으니까 (Because I Like You)

[lecafepapillon]

QOTD #4

there are times when even if I tell you the words you wanna hear, it doesn't give you strength but if it expressed my heart to you in anyway, for sure, it will be able to give strength I would rather express my heart to you like this than telling you the words that can give you strength

— Park Sungjin

[lecafepapillon]

photo #4: 바다

note: 바다 (ba-da) means sea in Korean

[lecafepapillon]

QOTD #3

i saw it somewhere that the sky will always be blue. when the rain comes, it turns to grey and sometimes it is dark. but still, above those clouds the sky is always blue. everything will pass soon. if you pay attention to every single thing, you will get a headache

— Lee Know

[lecafepapillon]

it is the time

you might slow down your speed but it didn't mean you stopped you might move silently behind the others but we never left, here for your consolation you might hide behind the new moon but now it's time for full buck moon i didn't know how dark your days were i didn't know how much tear down in those sleepless nights i didn't know how strong the fear controlled us insanity seemed get us high and higher but, waiting for you isn't something vain waiting for you is worth every single tear waiting for you taught a new lesson, patience rage, fear, pain... let them flame in hell and now it is the time you get a new crown, coronation day thank you for holding on this far welcome home, let's play with fire now

ᅳ

thank you for coming back home, hwang hyunjin. the troops never left you behind. let the new crown give you more power. let's play with fire with every STAY all around the world. dancing in festive mode like there's no tomorrow.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bBkSgQisbg&vl=en

[lecafepapillon]

photo #3: nice cafe, good vibe

[lecafepapillon]

another day

one day the flowers bloom one day the winter storm hits one day it's as warm as fresh bake one day it's quiet as the rain pouring

gloomy again, smiling again laughing crying yelling hugging

today too, it's just another day will pass, has to pass if today feels not right, grab a hope tomorrow will be happier

it's gonna be another day for sure, everything goes worries, sadness, anger may the happiness cool them all down

—

og date: October 17, 2020

[lecafepapillon]

바람처럼 (you, the wind)

as the time goes by you come and go as you please bring the joyful heat of summer, then come as the stormy winter blow a warm-chilly breeze of spring, then shake the autumn leaves

like how i cannot control the wind, i hate that i cannot stop you coming at me i hate that i love your summer and spring i hate that i still like your winter and autumn even if they hurt me even the part of me miss them, i hate it

the flowing wind passes by no matter it is warm or cold, it's just like you no matter it is gentle or disaster, it's just like you and i can't resist it

—

little note: 바·람·처·럼 (re: ba·ram·cheo·reom) means 'like the wind' in korean

illustration by: me

og date: October 9, 2020

[lecafepapillon]

we are who we are

—

og year: 2018

[lecafepapillon]

sea and desert

[lecafepapillon]

she was a swan

dancing alone at the lake dreaming about true love hoping for the better life

they said, “she's beautiful” “she's pure” “sadly... she's weird, losing her mind”

she heard, she knew everyone talked behind her whispered something that should've not been said

her bright self darkened her smile faded her steps stopped

she was a swan who wondered how was life not been trapped in the box

she flew away wherever her white delicate wings brought her searched for enchantment of being free

—

illustrated by: me haha

og date: October 5, 2020

[lecafepapillon]

thought of thought #2

nothing's wrong with taking a rest. even the moon takes a rest sometimes.

[lecafepapillon]

when the night comes

there's a part of a day when you stop for a while, breathing even if it's just the body

when the night comes, everything becomes so quiet but just like how yin yang is, others are awake

in this silent time of a day, everything becomes more sensitive even the slightest sound can be heard like how the voice inside my head

shut up no. shut. up. no. shut up! no!

the clock ticks the tok as having a deep conversation with my mind louder and faster my mind starts to race with the time

shut up no. shut up! no! shut. up. no. shut... up.... no... shut.... u....p n...o... shut... no.... . ... ... .. .

—

illustrated by: me

og date: September 29, 2020

[lecafepapillon]

thought of thought #1

how could a cause of pain become a healer at the same time

—

og date: September 19, 2020