Lee's Blog

I like coffee. I like comics. I like bands. I like to blog.

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29/05/2017

With my cat napping on my lap, and with a heavy heart I announce my hiatus from this blog.  Maybe I might post a little update from time to time, but for now, this explain’s all. 

https://youtu.be/dzCOSc29j2k

It’s from my YouTube channel, RedTheUnicorn. For those who wish to stalk me further, I also have a music channel under the name of Sami Lee.  Do what you love, fight for what you care about, and don’t ever pursue your backup plan first. Go big. You can do it, just as well as I.  And one last time for a while...

Thanks for tuning in

Thank you so so much

- Lee

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27/05/2017

Today's subject matter: Musicians I love it when musicians can just come together and do their thing. It's a beautiful event to witness.... It's even better to be apart of.... I am amazed and absolutely thankful for how far I have come within the arts..... Woah dude.... Thanks for tuning in - Lee

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26/05/2017

Today’s subject matter: Gerkin Daily

I have a theory about one of my favourite bands of all time.  Green Day, right.  In 1984, Billie Joe’s father dies of cancer (not sure of the specifics, but I’m pretty sure that’s it) Ten years later, in 1994, the band’s first major record, Dookie, is released and it shoots punk into the mainstream, and the band into the lime light. Ten year after that, 2004′s American Idiot is presented to the world and easily becomes one of the best rock album’s of all time.  Ten year’s after that, in 2014, Green Day are one of the youngest, if not the youngest, bands to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame.  2024 will mark the 40 year anniversary of Billie Joe’s dad’s death. Four ten’s, ten years, four lots of ten years.  I reckon that someone will either die, or the band will finally break up, or take a break, or something.  Anyway, all I’m saying is that there’s some Green Day conspiracy shit going down, and I can’t be the first to notice it. 

Thanks for tuning in

- Lee

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25/05/2017

Today’s subject matter: That Gold Watch

I’ll love you till the end of time These words were engraved onto the back of a beautifully elegant gold wrist watch, with a matching black leather band that I was gifted.  The watch was big and round, perfect for telling the time, if only the numbers were in fact numbers and not just small dashes situated around the watch face.  I must also mention now that gold is not my colour, and I much prefer silver. All my closest friends and family should know this; I chose Pokemon Soul Silver over Heart Gold after all.  I was given this watch for our one year anniversary of togetherness from my partner to me. In the week leading up to the day, I wondered what to get them. I had no money, and little time as we were both doing our final year of high school.  So I made them a video. Stupid, and silly, I know... But I always tried to make them little gifts for our anniversaries.. Poems... Drawings.... Songs, all for them. For the backing music, I recorded a little ukulele cover of Queen’s You’re My Best Friend, a song written by bass played John Deacon for his wife, I do believe. I’m glad I can still listen to that song without being reminded of my over sung version, the one I over sung for the wrong person. In this video, a video seen by only about two other people, I gathered a collage of photos and videos of them and I. I had been testing out a camera a couple of months previously, and using them as a subject, so I had plenty of footage of them looking into the camera all... So like them.  I remember on that test filming day, I remarked ‘you look so badass, I would love to make a film or a comic with a character based on you’ and they just replied ‘do it then’, with that sort of grin they used for so many different and half fucked reasons. The same grin they used when they cornered me in the school halls one time, asking if they thought I was better then them.  I put the video on my YouTube, on private mode and sent them the link. They were not impressed, and judging from the view counter, I doubt they even watched it all the way through. The never did like my videos... When we broke up, we were still friends... I had known them and had been so close to them for so long, I thought they would need a friend, and I knew I would too.. But that all went away fast.  During this time, I asked if it would be weird if I still wore that damned watch. They said no, so I did. Until it got weird for me and did the sickest and more depraved thing I could think of.  I sold that damn watch for way less than it’s original retail price. Not even as a source of revenge, or to make me feel better. I needed the money, I wasn’t using the watch, and I had no use for it anymore. I should feel like a sick, useless bastard, but the cold harsh truth is I don’t. And here’s the kicker, she couldn’t even tell the time using an analog clock. But I blame the school system for that... Mostly... Now, I use a tiny black and silver watch I bought for $10 at the dollar store. It suits me much better, and I like it a lot more. It doesn’t take much to please me and make me smile.

Thanks for tuning in

- Lee

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24/05/2017

Today’s subject matter: My First Partner

I wanted the title to have a sort of childish vibe to it, you know like... My First Oven or My First.... Chair.... I’m losing my god damn mind.  Originally, I wanted to make a post saying ‘I’ve said a lot of bad about my ex, but they weren’t all that bad’. But then I started thinking... About the time we were together and... It has been unfortunately tarnished by their behavior and treatment towards me.  On our 11 month 11 day anniversary, we broke up. Well, I broke up with them, but they’d never admit that. It was April the 21st, a day I remember because of this: The day we first got together was May 10th, 2015. Mother’s Day. It was rainy, we were in a park, and I was extremely nervous and close to vomiting. Not out of fear of what they might of done, but fear of them themselves. April 21st stands out to me because on that morning, as I sat at the breakfast table drinking a coffee, my phone was blowing up. It was my partner, going off at me for some fucked reason, and I was questioning for the millionth time why I kept this going. One answer was to prove to myself that I could be in a relationship for so long... I should of ended it sooner. So I’m getting all these texts, this was a usual occurrence for me, for us. And then I get this one text that I’ve seen before.  Maybe we should just break up And on that morning, I looked at it, and without a single care of their response, I replied.  Okay In a moment of clarity, sweet, sweet, clarity, it hit me. 11 months, 11 days. It was almost like we were never meant to make the full one year, 12 months... 12 days.  And just like on the day we got together, it was raining. My partner did not like this. They begged me to take them back, saying they would change and not treat me like shit anymore. And after a while, I said yes. Truth be told, I believe the real reason we lasted so long is because I was afraid they’d kill themselves if I left them. I didn’t want them to be all alone, and at least if we were fighting, I knew they would be alive.  A month and 11 days later, there we sat in an office at school, talking to the career’s adviser, of which we were both very close with.  And with tears in my eyes and my head hidden, as the adviser asked ‘what now?’ to the both of us, I spoke up.  Maybe it would be best if we broke up And she agreed.  Half an hour later, she came up to me and asked if we could keep our break up a secret for a while, and if we could also tell people that it was mutual.  A week later she told me she had feelings for another boy.  But that’s another story. 

Thanks for tuning in

- Lee

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23/05/2017

Today’s subject matter: I Missed Another Day

This is completely unnatural of me. I’m about to hit 100 daily blog posts here, so this is... I’m not liking this.  Me and my friend, Addison, started making comics in the beginning of the year. We planned on doing a comic per month, and so far, it’s going pretty well. With her doing university, she soon fell behind with the art, which I’m completely fine with, but I’ve told her it’s all fine and it doesn’t matter if the issues are late.  Comic creating has been something I’ve wanted to try for about 4 years now. I got into comics about 5 years ago, a little after I got into My Chemical Romance. At this point, I was obsessed with becoming a musician, hint; I still am.  When I found Gerard Way’s comic, The Umbrella Academy, I was amazed. I got the same feeling I felt when I learnt that a person could play more than one instrument.  It blows my mind that a person can spread out and do whatever they want, whenever they want. That they can master their craft and share their talents with the world.  I hope to inspire some people.... I do a lot, mainly music, with comics, videos and art on the side. I’m in a band, I write music, I act, I sing. I want to show people that they can also do that... Simply because I can do it... You know? Anyway, I’ve been absent because Addi has been staying over a lot recently working on comics with me, and I’ve been playing a butt ton of Zelda... Duty calls, you know?

Thanks for sticking around 

- Lee

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22/05/2017

Today’s subject matter: What’s Been Happening

Last week, I took my lip piercing out for a face mold to be done for the play I’m in. It’s been a week, and try as I might, the fucking thing won’t go back in. I feel horrible without it in, I do not feel like myself at all. The reason I got a lip ring was because I was always constantly biting my lip, and now I feel like less of myself without it.  I bought The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild the other day, and let me tell you, I have spent at least three nights in a row playing it until 3am. I would be playing it right now, except for the fact that my kitten chewed the charging chord to the point of no return; alas, it no longer works.  Every time I see a man, or a boy, I think ‘why can’t I be like that?’. I feel weird for being born with breasts and that V word thing that I fucking hate saying, because I hate to be reminded that I have one. I hate this. The idea that I will never be seen as who I want to be seen as. That I have to pay thousands of dollars in order to be ‘who I am’, but knowing that that will never truly be who I am. If you’re fat, you can lose weight. If you want short hair, you can cut it off. I’m not sure anyone is born of a certain race and says ‘I want to be that race instead’, because your culture defines you in a way. Still, culture is an easy thing to change. What’s not is your DNA. How you were fucking built.  I never feel good enough. And I think people are finally starting to realize that I’m not as good at things as they think I am.  But that’s a story for another time. 

Thanks for tuning in

- Lee

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21/05/2017

I’ve almost cried at least four separate times

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20/05/2017

To be completely honest, this week has felt like at least two weeks

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19/05/2017

I completely forgot

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18/05/2017

I’m sorry

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17/05/2017

Today's subject matter: It is 2:04am We were just watching Princess Mononoke, and like, woah dude, I really love that film. I wanna get a sleeve tattoo done of the Forest Spirit/Nightwalker, that shit is fucking glorious. I also worked out remembered tonight that I really fucking love dragons. I was the dragon and pirate kid. Also, I had like five books on 'Dragonology' and was 'studying' to become a dragonologist. To be honest, I would still love to have that job. I know a strange amount about dragons. I also really love Scooby Doo, I'm gonna buy the box set of the original series on DVD soon. It comes in a small Mystery Machine. I also want a Scooby Doo tattoo. I also want a mystery machine. I'm going to buy Breath of the Wild this weekend!!! Thanks for tuning in - Leeeeeeee

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16/05/2017

Today’s subject matter: Genuine 

There’s one thing about me that I’m almost certain of.. I’m quite genuine. If I like something, I’ll tell you, but unfortunately, I have a bit of a boppy mindset and don’t really have many negative opinions on things, and if I do, I don’t generally voice them unless there is a point. My mood’s are quite genuine I find... When I’m upset, it is very clear by my body language. Most of the time, I’m boppy and upbeat; if something shakes me, even slightly, I lose my positive perspective, and my entire being seems almost... Leeless... When I am happy, you can easily tell. I smile and laugh and giggle and am not afraid to hide that I am having fun and enjoying life.  When I feel erratic, you can tell. What at first might seem full of life will soon turn quite sour, as you realize that some of the things I’m saying only come out in half muttered sentences. Often, I will be rapidly attempting to accomplish a task, or I may not concentrate on any one thing at any one given time. I feel the need for human contact in these erratic moments, not so much as a hand on shoulder contact, but someone simply asking ‘are you alright?’.  Sometimes, that’s all we need. I feel like not many people know my sporadic behavior very well. There was one who did, very well indeed, but they are thankfully gone from my life indefinitely. 

Thanks for tuning in

- Lee

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15/05/2017

Today’s subject matter: I Forgot Again

I forgot again

- Lee

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14/05/2017

Today’s subject matter: Disgusting

My ex once called me disgusting.  Well, in actual fact, they screamed in my ear ‘you disgust me’ as loud and as sickening as they possibly could. We had been dating for about eight months at the time. We lasted a year together all up.  The circumstances for them calling me disgusting was... Well, let me just tell you.  For the longest time, I had wanted a lip ring. And when I turned 16, I decided I was going to get one. My partner, who had braces and strict parents who would not let them get a facial piercing let alone a lip ring, suggested that a nose ring would look better on me, in their terms ‘hot’.  I never wanted a nose piercing, I get horrible hay fever, but trusting in their word, the next week I got a nose piercing.  Fast track to the end of the healing process where I was attempting to change the ring over. My partner was over at my house, and my mum was out, leaving just the two of us.  As I tried to put the piercing in, I grew angrier and angrier at myself. Being the light and bubbly person that I am, I don’t respond to negative emotions very well, so I told my partner not to worry as I started yelling and swearing at myself.  I eventually gave up and retreated to the solitude of my room, where I blasted My Chemical Romance’s 2006 album The Black Parade and started painting my art project. I just needed a moment to re-evaluate, to calm down. My partner obviously did not like the way I was feeling, and was upset that they could not calm me down themselves. Half way through the album’s second song, Dead!, my partner came in screaming. Because they basically matched the volume of the music I was blasting, the only words that actually stuck to me were “you disgust me”, which she said with venom fucking dripping from her tongue. This wasn’t the worst thing she ever said or did to me, but it’s one of the things that still stick with me to this day. A common occurrence, my entire view of myself and my emotional/mental state plummeting in a matter of seconds from the words she spoke.  After that, they left the room by promptly slamming the door. I cried for a bit, while singing the end of Dead! and took a short break from painting.  Tonight, I sit with a bear lip. I took my lip ring out today for a facial mold to be done. I cannot put it back in and I am filled with that same rage that I have felt time and time again. Every time I accidentally touch the vacant space on my lip where a ring of metal should be, I feel less and less like my disgusting self.

Thanks for tuning in

- Lee

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13/05/2017

Today’s subject matter: Inspiring

It’s such a powerful and inspiring thing to see someone be themselves without any apology or lack in confidence.  The LGBT+ community every day continues to astound and amaze me with it’s growth, something I was once scared to consider myself apart of, I am now a loving, supportive and supported member of.  When someone sacrifices their own safety, mental or physical, in order to portray a lifestyle that is perfect, I think it’s... Almost upsetting.... No one should strive for the perfect lifestyle in such a way, the perfect lifestyle is what suits you.  To see someone truly happy is a fucking glorious thing. The smile on their face, the couple of kilos they may of added on to themselves in the process of recovery, it’s a truly inspiring thing.  To go through something so terrible, and to come out the other side still with passions and you heart in mind just blows me away.  You can be anything or anyone you could ever want to be. And you can start right now if you really want. 

Thanks for tuning in

- Lee

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12/05/2017

Today’s subject matter: High School Popularity

I wasn’t popular in early high school. At all. I would sit at the back of the class, with my music up too loud, headbanging to My Chemical Romance, bopping to Panic! and tapping along to the latest Fall Out Boy tune. I was your classic 2012 emo kid, before it became cool and confusingly mainstream.  There weren’t many kids like me, sure, I fit into a group, but of that group, only a few listened to the same music as I did, and none played any instruments.  The other day in fact, I was reminiscing to our bass player over the first band I played in, a band made up of friends which I had to teach their instruments to. It never bothered me though, I just loved to play.  As time progressed, I became increasingly more and more active in the school’s arts community, I became music captain two years in a row, I would always be seen spending time in the art, drama or music rooms in my final year, and I would try and get to know as many of the arts students as I could. In my final year, I’ve got to say, I was getting pretty popular. All Shook Up, our school’s production, helped that. I played the male lead, Chad, so I made it my duty to get to know the cast, and help pull them together more to make a wicked show. And we did. The funny thing is, when people think popular, they think of having heaps of friends and everyone liking you. I reckon not even half of my year level knew my name, or if they did, I was still the weird kid to them.  I flourished in the music/drama/arts community. Having finished my final year in November last year, I still come to the school and help out where ever I can.  I’m well known at this place, the place that gave me so much over the years. I can walk through the halls and see so many familiar faces, some of which I don’t know the names, but they are kind to me still.  I was never popular with the kids in my year who liked football, went to bars on the weekend, got 99.98 ATARs. I was popular with the misfits, the social rejects, the band geeks and the misunderstood, and for one reason.  I saw myself in all of them.  Most of them remind me so much of myself... I hope I can show them that it gets better, that if they are in the same place I was 4 years ago, that it will get better.  Do what you love. And do it without apology. 

Thanks for tuning in

- Lee