89

ولله الحمد

[legalnine]

How can I unlove you? When every fiber of my being misses you.

[legalnine]

Ive fallen apart

Into the walls

I see you there

[legalnine]

I struggle with the concept of time. I exist in it. I respect it. But time is somehow blurry, why?

[legalnine]

"It is so easy to say that this person left, and therefore I should leave with dignity… but the more merciful picture is that maybe that person is struggling and never meant to leave. They simply never had or learned the tools to function when they are in distress, so silence becomes their safety—and people misread them as disrespectful and dismissive. I am dignified, and I don’t wish to mistreat them just because it’s uncomfortable for me. So, until I see the real picture, I will choose to show them compassion until they realize that life can be safe. And if they don’t? I can leave knowing I tried."

[legalnine]

Tell me darling, is it easy for you to discard? Help me.

[legalnine]

You were once my safe space, I could pour everything out.. a feeling I wasn’t familiar with, too good to be real. I am now terrified of sitting there, I’m no longer allowed to be vulnerable or say my truth, act or cry as I once did. I’ve fallen for you immensely, and now all I have are tears of burning. My love. What happened? My love, come back to me! I’m crying out for you with no hope of my echos returning. And I’m pleading silently for your presence once more. If or when you come back. I need to know you’ll be there fully because I don’t have it in me to break again.. I won’t make it.

[legalnine]

إياك تعيب امرأة فيما يرضي الله

"Society conditions us to raise women with the belief that their dignity is contingent upon their marital status—prioritizing 'purity' first, and marriage second. We treat this as a high-stakes standard, yet it is a deeply dysfunctional one that often leaves women feeling disposable once a marriage ends.

Islam does not view women through this egotistical lens. True dignity is found in one's character and commitment to Allah’s guidance; a woman’s purity remains intact regardless of her marital status. Divorced women often fail to realize the immense strength, compassion, and resilience they possess. By navigating their challenges for the sake of Allah, they have sought to become the best versions of themselves. That is the definition of a pure faith.

While society may discard divorced women, Allah sees them for who they are: human beings who acted with integrity, tried their best, and when a union was no longer sustainable, chose to move forward with dignity. We must stop attaching shame to the journey. I hope that both women and men are freed from these harmful thoughts, which only breed resentment. We are not in 'ruins' because of a divorce; we are merely people walking a path toward Allah."

"لا تُعيبوا امرأةً جاهدت في صون أخلاقها وكرامتها، وسعت في زواجها إرضاءً لله، ثم صبرت واحتسبت حين انتهى. إنها كريمة الذات لأنها جعلت حياتها لله وحده. فلا فرق في ميزان الأخلاق بين بِكرٍ أو مطلقة؛ بل إن المطلقة التي أحسنت في أيامها لربٍ كريم، لا يعيبها شيء، بل هي في موضع فخر وكرامة لكل ما قدمته لأجل خالقها.

علّموا بناتكم أن الزواج خير، وأن الطلاق قد يكون خيراً أيضاً، فلا تفتحوا باب العيب واللوم بعد ذلك. ابتعدوا عن الجهل، وعودوا إلى جوهر أخلاق الإسلام. إن نفوسنا أمانة، فاجبروا خواطر بناتكم ولا تدفعوهن نحو الانكسار أو اليأس. غفر الله للأفكار الخاطئة، وأنار بصيرتنا جميعاً."

[legalnine]

Instagram finds

[nevver]

Last light, Mary Mattingly

[legalnine]

You touched my heart in ways no one dared, only to force me to accept letting you go.

[legalnine]

When I have nowhere to go, I find comfort in sleep.

Your existence crept in like a shadow beneath my skin, and now you’ve left me haunted—in thoughts and external reminders that keep snoozing.

Never anywhere, always everywhere.

[legalnine]

Feeling dispatched and alone by someone who truly means to me is unfathomable... so numb from the pain of withdrawal. I’m tied to the core. Hands down. Silenced.

[legalnine]

I do not want to believe that pleasurable intensity followed by cold distance is something I can withstand. Being left in the dark with vague replies alters my way of thinking and reminds me that reality speaks louder than my hopes. It has nothing to do with intentions when they don’t align with stability and consistency.

Ultimately, your behavioral patterns indicate a loophole that I’m turning a blind eye to at the moment—clearly for reasons I have and patience I need before making a judgment. Once I reach a fair conclusion, God willing, there will be no turning back.

Even when my heart aches for you, my mind does not and will not understand inconsistencies, for they are a plague I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.

[legalnine]

روحي، عيني، قلبي، ونفسي شبعت لمن عرفتك. انت احب شيء مر في حياتي.. من أصفى المشاعر وأرقاها... سبحان اللي رزقني إياك.

[legalnine]

I live through our memories, rebutting my fears of doubt, trying to settle in and settle down… accepting the beauty of reality—that this could happen, that you could be present.

I guess I’m unsettled, for your existence moves me entirely, and I’m not used to this.

My love—yours sincerely, undoubtedly. I hope to carry you in my heart for life, for all I want is you.

Be there, be near… I have missed you, and I’m learning to trust reality for what it is. Because silence weakens me—that’s how my mind was conditioned over the years.

[legalnine]

I search for your care through others, it feels like wishful thinking.

[legalnine]

I’m a little disoriented, somewhat exhausted, and surprisingly alert… trying to fit a year of turbulent emotions into something that can be held.

A significant loss.

Severe depression.

Unmasking.

Suppressed feelings.

Unreasonable self-doubt.

Revisited, self-reflected conclusions.

Unsatisfied acceptance.

Motherly hope.

Undeniable emptiness.

Bewitching attraction.

A new pathway of perspective.

Uncontrollable, birthing feelings.

Magnetic chemistry.

Soulfully connected.

Spiritually reignited.

Physically exhausted — laughing as a coping mechanism, with tearful eyes beyond words. Silently kept. Unspoken. Yet fully emerged within these nuanced emotions.

I’ve felt condensed all my life. In every stage, I’ve felt love move through me — sweeping me, guiding me through these tough moments. The love my Allah has for me is bewildering. I am in love with every moment that passes in which I feel at ease, yet there is a sense of serenity each day — learning that ease shapes, reshapes, and endures.

The hope. The faith. Everlasting.

The beauty of complicated emotional experiences that make us human to the core. The body keeps its score. The mind inhibits the existing pain, yet the heart… I believe… holds the most profound space.

Let Allah in. Peace will be.