Temporary; I have never heard such a word that made me feel both terrified and relieved.
(via bl-ossomed)
todays bird
Sade Olutola
RMH

Love Begins
Peter Solarz

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
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d e v o n
NASA

roma★
cherry valley forever
we're not kids anymore.

titsay
hello vonnie
Claire Keane

shark vs the universe
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Mike Driver
sheepfilms

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
seen from Chile
seen from Georgia

seen from Germany
seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
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seen from Switzerland

seen from Malaysia
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seen from United States
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@lehrenna
Temporary; I have never heard such a word that made me feel both terrified and relieved.
(via bl-ossomed)
John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner
THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE
GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY
This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.
[Audio transcription: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt & Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jones’s What’s New Pussycat. And then we ordered and waited.
Here’s the thing about when, uh, What’s New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not ‘hey someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again.’ It’s ‘hey, What’s New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays you’re thinking maybe someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again. The fourth time it plays you’re either thinking ‘whoa someone just played What’s New Pussycat FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.’ So the fifth time is the kicker, alright?
Now, John and I we’re watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to what’s going on. And we’re staring at this one guy and he’s sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and he’s like staring at his coffee cup like this, and he’s been onto us since the beginning. And he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And he’s staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. It’s dead quiet. Then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly…
BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and I’m punching in the What’s New Pussycats alright? I’ve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me ‘hey hey hey before you punch in another What’s New Pussycat let’s drop in one It’s Not Unusual.’
Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven What’s New Pussycats. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, IT’S NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’s It’s Not Unusual and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven What’s New Pussycats. It’s true. Dead honest.
And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. It’s Not Unusual fade out. It’s dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like ‘yup some crap as always.’
They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.]
reblogging again coz this time it has audio transcription (bless you) and it’s still forever hilarious omg
Starfire, watch as I magically put these gloves on.
Starfire, observe how masterfully I managed to wear a tux with a cape under it and nobody could tell.
Starfire, note how I was able to wear this extremely high collar underneath this lower-collared dress shirt without having it peek out in the slightest.
starfire just stand there just go ahead and stand right there and don’t move i’m showing the fans what they really want to see: me
STARFIRE my suit didn’t have a back the entire time
Starfire watch as my tux goes from long sleeved to short.
This just gets better the longer you look at it.
This post gets better the more you scroll down
Look at this beautiful Floridian Swamp Cat and her adorable kittens.
That There is A Gator
No that’s a Floridian Swamp Cat
@takingbackmyfirstamendmentrights
there are people you haven’t met yet who will love you
The Olympics (via ghost159)
by Pear-Shaped comics
From whats been happening recently, I can only assume that the Mayans we’re wrong.
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she swear she killed it
I’ll just…
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Little known fact: Phoenix Wright is actually a swellow gijinka
Can’t unsee it
April Fool’s Idea: if u have a male friend/classmate that ur other friends ~imply~ things about going on between you, tell them you “might’ve ” slept with him.Be secretive about it, like you’re confiding what you just can’t keep to yourself any longer. Wait for the shock to morph into triumph as “I knew it” starts to form on their lips before declarating April Fools. Watch their world burn as they realize how easily they believe what they want to and our relationship expectations are arbitrary, that maybe crossgender friendships can exist outside of Hollywood’s cliches and it’s statistically unlikely that 2 classmates in a class of 20 will specifically decide to have sex with each other and our concept for what comes after “boy meets girl” is one of millions of equally probable outcomes. You have flipped off them and their assumptions of what the “inevitable” in a male/female friendship is. You have announced your independence from the norm. They say “I hate you” and it fills you with petty satisfaction. You won.
See, I’m enjoying money TOO MUCH.
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