It is somehow refreshing to know that there is still a person who acknowledges you when you are on hiatus.
Ry
YOU ARE THE REASON
trying on a metaphor
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@lembayunghujan
It is somehow refreshing to know that there is still a person who acknowledges you when you are on hiatus.
Ry
27 reasons why I love you
1. You are quite outside, but a chatterbox at home
2. You look good
3. You got annoyed at my jokes which made me wanted to tell you more of them
4. You never asked about all the money I spent
5. You cant lie and you never tried to.
6. You love cuddle.
7. You are not romantic. So I can pretend that I am :')
8. You are awkward with people.
9. You are cute.
10. You are considerate.
11. You are compassionate and kind.
12. You always asked for forgiveness.
13. You never forget to say thank you.
14. You listen to all my "stupid" stories.
15. You do the laundry.
16. You helped me wash the dishes during weekends.
17. You change our son's diaper when you are home.
18. You are silly.
19. Your love for coffee.
20. Your cringe jokes.
21. You make me a better person.
22. You tried your best to support me no matter what.
23. Your eyes when you look at me.
24. Your smile when you look at me.
25. Even your laugh for my every silly mistake.
26. You are just downright lovable.
27. I cound write many more without thinking, but it will make you too proud.
You gave me chocolate I gave you writing
It has been a long time since I wrote about you. I have been busy and sick and just downrite lazy. But yesterday you suprised me with big toblerone so of course you deserved a writing.
I missed our third monthsarry, didnt write anything for you since I was too busy having headache and vomitting like crazy. But I hope I am more stable now that my brain can finally be functioning and synchronizing well with my fingers. Anyway, well have belaaaated 3rd monthsarry, Hon.
You've been perfect. You've topped my every expectation. You were just as wonderful as a husband can ever be and I know I am so lucky to have you.
Almost 12 years knowing you but I still on my way learning how great of a person you are. You are just so understanding and loving that I sometimes think do I even deserve you? The way you prepared breakfasts when I cant even leave the bed since the headache is just too powerful, the way you prevented me to do the laundry, the time when you clean the house and the bathroom without even complaining. I am totally touched because you understood me when I did not even tell you. You understood how difficult it is for me to deal with the extreme changes of my body.
You've been so attentive during this journey. You complied my every demand. You considered my every choice of food. You always remember when to bring me vitamins since I was to lazy to drink them regularly. You were just unbelivebly gorgeous. You really did everything you could to make this journey easier. And for these, I know millions thank yous will never be enough.
I know you concerned about me so much that you prefered me not to challenge myself with "tiresome" things since they could be dangerous for me. Trust me, deep inside, I really want to quit, but you know it is not as simple as that. You know my reasons to hold on, even I have to contradict you. For this I am deeply sorry. Please hold on with me just a lil bit more till we get the best way to get out of this.
But the things that touch me the most are how you are still so "husbandly" even when you don't agree with some of my decisions. How you never forget to prepare my snacks and drinks, how you always accompany me and pick me up at the bus station even it is not even 200 meters away from our home, how you still did everything you could to make things easier for me when you disagreed so much with my choice. Thank you so much.
I know i dissappointed you a lot. I know more times than not I said hurtful things that I did not even mean. Trust me, those are the hormones. I regretted my words to you on so many occasions. But really though, it is so hard to keep sane when the hormones are just so crazy that one moment you really want to cry and the next second you just feel so irritated, both without any logical reasons. And the bad news is there are still quite many months left for these :'(
For these, please forgive me and bear with me :'(
Despite everything that I have said and done, I am forever thankful to have you. I adore you. I envy you because you are just so wonderful. And of course I love you. Please keep being perfect and I wish I could have at least half of your patience and perfection.
Well, I never knew chocolate can make me this cheesy and melancholic. Thank you so much for being you. We will face more ups and downs in the future. Please hold my hand tight and let's overcome them together. May Allah SWT always bless and guide us and keep us in the best faith forever. Bismillah.
In the midst of waiting you from mosque
Unedited version.
A fairytale
She woke up at nite feeling hungry and he attentively made late dinner for her, the next early morning he had to wake up alone to have sahur because she wasnt feeling well... and he cant just stop being perfect.
And we reconcile…
Back to the night where we had our first fight. I was ready to talk to him, so I went out of the room only to find him fast asleep on the sofa. My first thought was how could he so easily fast asleep when we were in a cold war mode. I honestly felt quite upset and I went straight to our bedroom. But once I was inside, my thought flew to him. I suddenly imagined how would it felt to live without him. And the thought definitely scared me. I’d rather have him being annoying than not seeing him at all. I could bear with his antics rather than let him out of my sight. I never knew how long God would grant me time with him. I could not even guarantee that he would be with me the next second, that’s why I should not spend our time being apart and not talking. With that thought in mind, I got to him and that was when I noticed his state for the first time after our fight. I noticed how tired he looked, how he felt like freezing, how his neck did not look comfortable at all. That was when I knew he was waiting for me, but he just could not fight the drowsiness since he has been working all day.
I woke him up and pulled him to the bedroom. He seemed still out of it and he kept looking at me. He then hugged me so tight and said sorry repeatedly. He seemed so touch that I came to him first that his voice sounded hoarse. At first, I thought it was because he felt sleepy, but after several minutes, I felt my shoulder getting wet. He was crying! I was panicked because he sounded hurt. I tried to lift his face but he was not letting me, he only hold me tighter. I thought it was only right if I console him. I asked him why did he cry but he still insisted that he was not. I told him it was okay, but then again, he insisted it was not. After his sobbing subsided, we started to talk like how adult should do. I asked him why he did not try to console me in the room and he said he tried to stop me from leaving but I was so persistent to leave that he thought I needed time to calm myself. I even closed the door quite loudly. He said he was waiting for me the whole time outside the room that he got tired and felt asleep. That was when I realized I have been so unfair to him. I thought he did not care about me being mad which was why he did not try to make up with me in the room, when in fact, he was just doing what he thought was right at that moment, waiting for me. He said I might get angrier if he tried to approach me.
I tried to lighten the mood by teasing him about him crying. Wasn’ it supposed to be me who should be crying? He said he guessed it was the combination of the thought of hurting me and the fact that I approached him first touched him quite deeply. He said he just cannot bear the thought of him as a person who hurt me.
“I should not hurt you, I cannot hurt you, even the thought of it hurt so much. I think I will hurt more than you do when I do something that anger you. Just please don’t get mad anymore, ok?”
That was when I knew we would be fine. The fact that he was hurting of the thought of hurting me just proved how thoughtful he was. At that time, I prayed to God to keep him this way. It was rare to see him so genuine when he was constantly being playful. I actually felt thankful for the fight, because of that, I saw how sincere he was. I promised to myself that I would not let any fight lasted more than a day in the future. Because I knew, we would never intentionally hurt each other. If we fight in the future, it will always be because some misunderstandings.
More times than not, during fight, we assume how other parties feel, what they think, or even guessing their intentions without really confirming them. We built these bubbles in our head about how hateful other persons without trying to understand their point of views. I was somehow glad that we talked thoroughly about how we felt and what we thought because that was the rightest way to reconcile. Communicate! We should give other chance to explain. We should listen to understand, not listen to talk back.
We still have so long way to go. We will definitely fight at times. But this writing here will be one of my reminders that we will never have ill intentions, we just need to understand each other better, we just need to listen, and we just need to say sorry. Because our smiles are much more precious than the tears, unless they are tears of happiness.
Karena kita harus serumah, sesurga, InsyaAllah.
- Ry
First fight with him
Our first fight. It happened today. 3 days after our first monthsary. LOL
It is actually me who finally break the record, being angry. T.T
I flared up when he kept teasing me about having every setting of my electronics devices is still in UK mode. It is not even my fault since my browser in laptop and the location of my gmail are still London. They were changing themselves once I was in UK, but they did not go back to Jakarta automatically once I was back home. I just have not set them up manually. I did not even do it intentionally. And this was the nth time he was doing it to me. And I was finally fed up of his teasing. I knew this is not UK. I knew this is not London. But just because I missed some settings on my phone or laptop did not mean I am still living in UK. I knew he did not share the same sentiment about UK the way I did, and still do. UK was not his dream. He did not know how it felt to be living one of my biggest dream. He did not know, that no matter how far I am now from London, there has been a place where a dream came true. He did not understand just how special London for me. I knew I can not expect him to understand it. He was not the one that has been dreaming about UK since high school. But being teased about something you value a lot is not just a thing you want to go through on a daily basis. I can take it lightly for the first or second time. But now, I think he got too much repeating it every single time. Now it hurt, to be teased about something that is not even a joke to you, about something that you put so much struggle upon.
Thank God this house has 2 bedrooms so I can lock myself in another one and writing my pent up feeling. It is time for me to reflect now, I should not get angry over a simple thing, especially when he had no idea how priceless it is to me. I should just talk to him in a civil way, not so childishly leaving the conversation just because I found him totally annoying. And just when I think we can reconcile now, he is sleeping soundly on the sofa. Just great.
Well, people say fight is the spice of a relationship. We’ll soon be okay. And I hope I can be wiser in the future and just talk like a normal human being should be, because every anger comes from the syaiton. Just don’t let the anger stay until the next day. Istighfar and Ta’awuz are the cure.
- Jakarta, 23.13, 8/12/17
Happy 1st Monthsary P.S. I’ll only do this for our 1st monthsary, we have to make it to 1st anniversary for you to see another cheesy posting like this one.
1st Monthsary
Hai kamu, happy 1st monthsary
We made it to a month, congrats! LOL
We haven’t even been in the same age as corn (seumur jagung, ada ga y istilah ini in English?).
I’ve known you for more than a decade, yet there are still so many sides of you I haven’t discovered. There are always new surprising treats of you that I learn every day. I can’t wait to discover all your uniqueness, yet I don’t want to stop learning about you. Humans are dynamic, we are changing every day, hopefully God will grant me a life time to be the person who knows you the best. I have even started to learn to read your expression to feel your emotion and try to understand your thought. I am that good, LOL. (I know you will roll your eyes when you read this and call me “jumawa” :v)
People said marriage life can only stay sweet for the first 6 months, and I don’t doubt it, LOL. But hey, let’s always renew the sugar when the sweetness starts to fade. You have been wonderful in our 1st month, I knew you can’t guarantee it to last, but as long as we remember the receipts which were mentioned by the Imaam in our akad, syukr, sabr, ikhlas, we will be just fine.
Thank you for putting up with my every unreasonable demand, for taking me seriously in our “unusual” arguments, or what you call “debate”, and for just simply taking care of me. Let’s not get tired of each other, ok? LOL
This relationship is still very young. We still have forever to spend together, so we need to work hard to stay that long, LOL. We still have so many dreams to realize together. We still have so many lists of destinations to travel to. I want to be the one you hold hands with in every step, in every turn, in every jump, in every uphill and downhill, and even in every stop. I want to be the one who watch you pass every milestone, the one who help you stand when you fall, the one who anchor you when lose your ground, the one who will fly up high and touch the sky with you. Let’s streak every line in our sticky notes dream chart, OK?
Wish Allah swt will always bless and grant us with barokah, sakinah ma waddah wa rahmah. I pray for us to stay true in His din, and to make Allah our every reason and every goal no matter what we are doing. And I pray to Allah to keep our heart in His way and keep us together till His Jannah. Aamiin.
Let’s have a barokah life together, partner. :*
- Jakarta, 5th Dec, 2017
A letter to you
For you,
A mom that I’ve never interacted with...
It is almost a month since the first day I share my life with your first son. It is really a pity that I have never met you in person as your new daughter because God loves you so much that He took you away from us even before I was officially labelled as your family. Since then, I have heard many stories about you from my mom, your son, and many of your relatives. I knew from them about how kind hearted you are, but I only knew how you were so loved and wonderful after meeting one of your closest person in this world, your only sister.
Your son brought me to your childhood house just two days ago. I met many of your relatives there, and one of them is your only sister. She told me past stories of how you lived your life and I just knew you must have no regrets in life since you were as wonderful as any person could ever be. She told me how you were just as perfect as a mother could ever be, how loving you were, and how beautiful your heart was. She kept getting teary eyes and choked back tears when she mentioned you. She told me about how people only talked about the good things about you even when you are gone.
I remembered quite few people were choking back tears in my wedding receptions when they mentioned you to me. That was when I realized how loved you were. I am also told about how ecstatic you were when you told them about your son’s marriage plan with me. I am forever thankful to you, for choosing me to accompany your son for (hopefully) the rest of his life even you didn’t know me personally.
There are actually so many things I am thankful to you about. Thank you for raising him so well as a wonderful person he is today. Thank you for teaching him so many good things in life. Thank you for trusting me to be a person who will love and cherish him until death do us apart. Thank you so much for being an inspiring person that I could look up to, even it is only from the stories I have been told.
I knew I would never be as good as you in taking care of him, but I will try my best to be a partner that could complete him, to be his strength and supporter, to be his source of happiness, to be a person that he could share everything with, and to be a person who will be there with him in every step of his life journey.
I knew God will granted you an amazing place up there because you were such an extraordinary lady. I wish we could meet later in hereafter, in a really blessed, heavenly, and miraculous place beyond this world. With him and everybody else that we cherish.
With love,
Your daughter(-in-law)
P.S. that’s the picture of me and him in Bandung
Pangkep, 29 Nov 2017, in the midst of lovely drizzle, with the sound of his regular breathing as he is sleeping soundly.
*Passage of Love Story (a.k.a how I met him) part I*
Another milestone of my life has been passed over, Ijab qabul. I am officially a wife. I now have a partner for life, a person to depend on, and a husband to share the love and happiness in life. Just a lifetime friend. When someone says the beginning of marriage is sweeter than honey, I could confidently say, YES indeed it is. I have no guarantee that it will last forever, but I am sure I am in the right track to get there. When I watched Edward Cullen said to Bella “no amount of time with you will be long enough, but we’ll start with forever” in Breaking Dawn made me want to puke, I never realized I would feel the exact same feeling towards someone in the future.
When I first met him, I never thought I will live in the same house with him someday. Of course, because I was barely 12 when I first knew him. He was actually one of my classmate back in middle school. LOL. I don’t really remember how we introduced ourselves or how the first meeting really like, it was nothing special since we were just children who started new stage of education. Being in love is the last thing in our mind. We could not even be labelled as friends in our 1st and 2nd year, since we barely talked to each other. He was just another boy at school who I just happened to know.
I think it was during our third year in middle school when we really were considered as friends. We started to have conversation since we were in the group of the representatives of our school for some competitions, and that’s when I found how annoying he was for always compering his exams scores to mine. (Where I always won, HA! Except for one time, for our GPA in college, he exceeds mine for that tiny 0.03 mark -.-). And he barely remembered those stories when he was being annoying, which made him more annoying, LOL.
We separated way during high school, we were hundreds of miles away, and nothing really happened between us in that time frame. We stayed friends, which meant we met up with other friends during holidays and that was all. We didn’t really communicate outside that occasions. We were busy with our own life and “love” stories to even think about each other. It was not until college that we were brought together by the fate of pursuing our bachelor degree in the same university. Here was how the real story begin, and here is where this 1st part stop just to make sure you read the next parts in the near future. :D
- Jakarta, 17.11, 19.11.17, with thunder outside and him being soundly asleep on the couch in front of his laptop.
Home -Daughtry
I'm staring out into the night, Trying to hide the pain. I'm going to the place where love And feeling good don't ever cost a thing. And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain. Well I'm going home, Back to the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me. I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong. I don't regret this life I chose for me. But these places and these faces are getting old, So I'm going home. Well I'm going home. The miles are getting longer, it seems, The closer I get to you. I've not always been the best man or friend for you. But your love remains true. And I don't know why. You always seem to give me another try. So I'm going home, Back to the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me. I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong. I don't regret this life I chose for me. But these places and these faces are getting old, Be careful what you wish for, 'Cause you just might get it all. You just might get it all, And then some you don't want. Be careful what you wish for, 'Cause you just might get it all. You just might get it all, yeah. Oh, well I'm going home, Back to the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me. I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong. I don't regret this life I chose for me. But these places and these faces are getting old. I said these places and these faces are getting old, So I'm going home. I'm going home.
Hey, Summer! Don't get too hot and give some drizzles. I'll enjoy you while you lasts. Gonna miss you when the windy autumn comes. Thank you for the bright clear skies.
20-hours-flight away from home, yet London still feels magical, perfect, and just another definition of "home"
Ry
let's stop playing with the fire. If it doesn't burn you, it will burn somebody else. Either way it will definitely end up hurting someone.
Ry
Enak ya kuliah di Luar Negeri?
Oh jelas enak. Alhamdulillah. Kalo di dalam negeri? Enak banget. Kalo mau kerja aja ga lanjut kuliah? Enak juga. Kalo mau jadi ibu rumah tangga aja? Apalagi. Kalo jomblo? Hmm…enak2in aja.
Sering sekali kita melihat kondisi orang lain dan tanpa disadari jadi “iri” pada mereka. Ada teman yg PNS, wah enak ya PNS, gaji tetap dapat pensiunan lagi. Ada teman kerja di swasta, wah enak ya gajinya gede. Ada yang wiraswasta, wah enak ya jam kerja atur sendiri. Ada teman yang lanjut sekolah, enak banget lanjut sekolah, apalagi kalo di luar negeri bisa ditambah embel2 “enak ya bisa jalan2”. Ada yang nikah muda, yang jomblo cuma menyimak. Ada jomblo bahagia, yang sudah nikah sibuk mikir tagihan. Itulah hidup kawan. Sejatinya semua pilihan baik itu pasti enak. Setiap pilihan pasti ada tantangan dan kebahagiaannya masing-masing. Yang gak enak itu saat kita “ngarep” berada di posisi orang lain padahal kita yang memilih apa yang kita jalani saat ini. Yang gak bahagia itu saat kita tidak bisa berdamai dengan pilihan kita serta konsekuensinya dan malah terus berandai-andai.
Bahagia itu syukur. Bahagia itu menerima. Bahagia itu tidak menuntut. Bahagia itu bisa memanfaatkan apapun posisi sekarang untuk menjadi lebih bahagia lagi. Bahagia itu tetap merasa cukup tanpa harus mengumbar di social media, karena bahagia itu milik kamu.
Hi Spring...
Thank you for coming. It’s really nice to see you.
Please stay a lil bit longer.
And btw, I think I am considering buying a decent camera now, you are just too beautiful not to keep in pictures.
Have survived Winter. It was cold. It was challenge. It was blessing. It was everything you can ask for. It was love.
It is getting warmer now, the snow has melted long ago. It is all about sun and rain now. Days are getting longer, nights are getting shorter, yet here we are continue to take steps forward. No matter cold or warm, it is the smile that matter. As long as you keep it, there’s no space for the cold to catch you.